Gil Blas by Alain-René Lesage (best romance books of all time TXT) 📕

stanch husband, with the sagacity of an old sportsman where his own wife was the game, came more than halfway to meet me, with this question: ‘Well, good sir, are you satisfied with your happy fortunes?’

“ ‘I have reason to be so,’ answered I. And as for yourself, what have you done? Has the blind god befriended you?’

“ ‘Alas! quite the contrary,’ replied he; ‘that impertinent brother, who takes such liberties with my beauty, thought fit to come back from his country house, whence we hugged ourselves as sure that he would not return till tomorrow. This infernal chance has put all my soft and soothing pleasures out of tune.’

“Nothing could exceed the mutual pledges of lasting friendship, which were exchanged between Don Balthazar and me. To draw the cords the closer, we made an appointment for the next morning in the great square. This plotting gentleman, after we had parted, betook himself to his own house, without giving Violante at all to understand that he knew more about her than she wished him. On the following day he was punctual in the great square, and I was not five minutes after him. We exchanged greetings with all the warmth of old friendship; but it was a vapor to mislead on his part, though a spark of heavenly flame on mine. In the course of conversation, this hypocritical Don Balthazar palmed upon me a fictitious confidence, respecting his intrigue with the lady about whom he had been speaking the night before. He put together a long story he had been manufacturing on that subject, and all this to hook me in to tell him, in return, by what means I had got acquainted with Violante. The snare was too subtle for me to escape; I owned all with the innocence of a newborn babe. I did not even stick at showing the note I had received from her, and read the contents, to the following purport: ‘I am going tomorrow to dine with Doña Inez. You know where she lives. It is in the house of that confidential friend that I mean to pass some happy moments along with you. It is impossible longer to refuse a boon your patience has so well merited.’

“ ‘Here indeed,’ said Don Balthazar, ‘is an epistle which promises to crown all your wishes at once. I congratulate you beforehand on your approaching happiness.’ He could not help fidgeting and wriggling a little while he talked in these terms of his own household; but all his hitches and wry faces passed off, and my eyes were as fast sealed as ever. I was so full of anticipating titillations, as not to think of noticing my new friend, who was obliged to get off as fast as he could, for fear of betraying his agitation in my presence. He ran to acquaint his brother-in-law with this strange occurrence. I know not what might pass between them: it is only certain that Don Balthazar happened to knock at Doña Inez’s door just when I was at that lady’s house with Violante. We were warned who it was, and I escaped by a back door exactly as he went in at the front. As soon as I had got safe off, the women, whom the unexpected visit of this troublesome husband had disconcerted a little, recovered their presence of mind, and with it so large a stock of assurance, as to stand the brunt of his attack, and put him to a nonplus in ascertaining whether they had hid me or smuggled me out. I cannot exactly tell you what he said to Doña Inez and his wife; nor do I believe that history will ever furnish any authentic particulars of the squabble.

“In the meantime, without suspecting yet how completely I was gulled by Don Balthazar, I sallied forth with curses in my mouth, and returned to the great square, where I had appointed Lamela to meet me. But no Lamela was there. He also had his little snug parties, and the scoundrel fared better than his comrade. As I was waiting for him, I caught a glimpse of my treacherous associate, with a knowing smile upon his countenance. He made up to me, and inquired, with a hearty laugh, what news of my assignation with my nymph, under the convenient roof of Doña Inez. ‘I cannot conceive,’ said I, ‘what evil spirit, jealous of my joys, takes delight to nip them in their blossom: but after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy, comes the peaking cornuto of a husband (the Furies fly away with him), and knocks at the door in the instant of our encounter. There was nothing to be done but to secure my retreat as fast as possible. So I got out at a back door, sending to all the inhabitants of hell and its suburbs the jealous knave, who was so uncivil as to search another lady’s house for his own horns.’

“ ‘I am sorry you sped so ill-favoredly,’ exclaimed Don Balthazar, who was chuckling with inward satisfaction at my disappointment. ‘What a mechanical rogue of a husband! I would advise you to show no mercy to the wittol.’

“ ‘O, you need not teach me how to predominate over such a peasant,’ replied I. ‘Take my word for it, a new quarter shall be added to his coat of arms this very night. His wife, when I went away, told me not to be fainthearted for such a trifle, but to place myself without fail under her windows at an earlier hour than usual, for she was resolved to let me into the house; and, as a precaution against all accidents, she begged me to bring two or three friends in my train, for fear of a surprise.’

“ ‘What a discreet and inventive lady!’ said he, ‘I should have no objection to being of your party.’

“ ‘Ah! my dear friend,’ exclaimed I, out of wits with joy, and throwing my arms