Johnny & I : The Island by Daria Paus (hardest books to read txt) 📕

7

Fangirl Glasses

I woke up before Johnny and snuck off to the kitchen for a glass of water. As I was about to leave, my eyes drifted to the little notebook, lit up by the first rays of daylight. Guilt made my heart heavy as I tiptoed over to it, but it wasn’t enough to keep my fingers from reaching out to pick the little book up.

It was still open to the same page. My fingers trembled when I turned the page to the previous one.

It’s happening again, but worse. Don’t know how to get out of this and what will happen. How is it fair? How is it okay to ruin someone's life, and for what? Money? Fame? Fuck it all. Fuck her.

How can I focus?How can I do it for the people when they think the worst of me? When they think I’m like him?I have to get away. If I see another girl like her . . . They are all the same.

There's nothing for me here. I'm alone, and I can't take it anymore.

My vision blurred and a few salty drops landed on the page, making the ink dissolve and smear. Shit. I wiped my eyes, putting the book back on its spot where I'd found it. I couldn’t bring myself to read more. It was too raw, too uncensored. I didn't understand, but somehow it didn’t matter. All I could think of was the feeling behind those words, and the power they had over me.

Just like any other fan, I’d been convinced I knew everything about him. I’d read the papers, seen the movies, stalked him on the internet and drooled over his pictures. But standing in his darkened kitchen with his private words freshly imprinted in my mind's eye, I realized I knew nothing.

And how I wanted to change that. I’d never felt the need to get close to any other man. I’d always withdrawn when things turned serious. To protect myself from useless drama and heartache. Right now, all I wanted was to dive straight into the depth of his soul and be his anchor in the storm.

∞∞∞

The wind still had the power to make me stagger when I stepped through the front door. But even though it almost knocked me off my feet, it no longer had that chilling grip on my heart as I walked straight into it. And when I came down to that same beach I’d arrived at, it looked completely different. It was beautiful, and the sound of the waves crashing against the shore calmed me more than it scared me. I’d always loved the sea and the sounds and smells that belonged to it. Watching it reminded me of how much I did love it despite what had happened.

I couldn't complain now when all was said and done. I was alive, and I got to meet the guy I'd been secretly dreaming of for as long as I could remember. What girl could ask for more than that?

Right then and there, I decided to make the best out of my stay here. This would be over all too soon, and I knew I’d never see Johnny again. I had a feeling he needed someone to care for him, maybe now more than ever. As crazy as it seemed; that one was me.

The thought of having to leave him saddened me, but I shook it off just as fast. Being here on this island, waking up with him still wrapped in my arms was more than I’d ever dreamt of.

An uneasy feeling started to take form in the back of my mind, and the feeling of being watched made me shiver. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected to see, but I scanned the beach. Seeing only sand and palm trees, and a pair of lost birds trying to maneuver the winds, I started to relax. Between the trees I could see the house up on the hill, much clearer now than I had the other night in the dark.

My thoughts drifted to the notebook and to Johnny. I didn't know whether I should smile or cry.

Absentmindedly I stroked my arm, and a pang of sadness came over me as I remembered the reason I’d come down to the beach in the first place. The watch which had adorned my wrist for almost ten years had been a gift from my dad on my eighteenth birthday. The odds of finding it on the beach hadn't been high, but considering my previous luck, I had taken the chance. If I’d managed to end up on Johnny Grey's island, of all the islands available in the ocean, finding a lost watch seemed small in comparison.

I kicked a little stone into motion as I walked, smiling despite the loss. But the feeling came sneaking back into my mind, and the smile turned into a frown. I looked around, feeling stupid when I didn't see anything out of the ordinary. Still, I couldn't let the feeling go.

"Johnny?" There was no answer, not that I’d expected one. When I’d left the house, he’d been asleep. Shaking the uneasy feeling off, I decided to head back.

When I came back to the house, I ran straight into him as soon as I stepped through the front door, and the uneasy feeling vanished in a flash. The questioning look he gave me made me feel like I needed to explain. He looked genuinely sorry to hear that my watch was missing. Truth be told, so was I, but I also realized there was nothing I could do to change the fact that it was, so I let it go.

Instead, I turned my attention to the man before me, and I suddenly saw him in a different light. It was as if the fangirl glasses finally had been removed. I could see the layers that he had kept secret from the rest of the world. He was no longer just a hot