Johnny & I : The Island by Daria Paus (hardest books to read txt) 📕

I clamped my mouth shut. I crossed my arms over my chest and turned my gaze away so I didn't have to look at him. The whole thing had been too good to be true. How I had been so naive to think that he'd wanted me in the same way as I was aching for him, was a mystery. There was no denying it, my whole body screamed for more, but none of the emotion he’d shown earlier remained. I started to wonder if I’d imagined it. The emotion and the lust I'd been so sure I'd seen on his face was gone. Leaving only that haunted look in his eyes and a stiff posture as he seemed to battle his own thoughts.

He sighed, and when he spoke my name, it came out as a breathless whisper.

I forced myself to look at him even though I wanted to be far away and forget he existed.

Whatever he’d planned to say was forgotten as our eyes met, and for a few seconds that spark was back. The pull of his gaze, the shivers rushing through my body. Then he looked away, shaking his head.

“Goodnight,” he said. And before I had a chance to react, he got up and left me sitting there.

9

Hot & Cold

For a long time, I couldn't move. Thoughts spun in circles until I felt dizzy. I'd been so sure. Had it all been wishful thinking? A projection of my secret desires? The way he'd looked at me, the way he’d kissed me . . . my heart started to beat faster at the thought of it. If it hadn't been real, I wasn't sure what was. I'd felt it as clear as I'd seen it on his face. The gentle caress, the feather-light touch of his lips, the question in his eyes.

I let out a quivering sigh. Should I be happy? Grateful I'd gotten to share with him what most girls only dreamed of. Or should I be disappointed it had ended before it had begun? I didn't know. I couldn't wrap my mind around what had happened.

One minute he'd been the sweet romantic guy I'd swooned over too many times to count. The next moment he'd turned cold as ice, as if what had happened hadn't meant a thing.

I pressed my eyes shut, trying not to cry.

What’s wrong with you? The little voice snapped. He kissed you. Johnny Grey kissed you. Yeah, I muttered. As if I wasn't all too aware of that fact.

Why aren't you dancing with joy? 

I didn't want to admit it even to myself. But the truth was, I'd expected more. Stupid, yes, but true nonetheless. I had expected or at least hoped for more, and the let-down hurt. If he hadn't been serious about me, why the long looks? Why the intense gaze so full of longing? Why the brief touches? Why even bother with me at all? Why build my hopes up just to crush them?

The little voice scoffed, muttering something about my stupidity. It was correct this time. I had no right to expect him to sweep me off my feet. Hell, he didn't know me, he didn't even want me on this island. And here I was, taking advantage of my situation and expecting him to—what? Love me? Want me?

Despite my mind screaming at me not to do it, I couldn't keep myself from searching for him. I found him in the bathroom.

Stopping in the doorway I studied him in silence. The moment my eyes landed on him all the irritation went away. How could I be angry at this man? There was too much of him to love, too much of him to fill my heart with warmth. It didn’t leave space for the darker feelings.

He stood in front of a tall oval mirror, still as a statue, staring at his reflection.

He muttered something I couldn't hear, then let out a deep sigh, turning the faucet on before leaning down to splash water in his face. When he straightened again to stare back into the mirror, the silent drops of water rolling down his cheeks filled me with a deep sadness. I couldn't explain it, and I didn't know where it came from.

He leaned back against the mahogany cabinet, and the look on his face made me feel bad for spying on him. I wasn't better than the paparazzi vultures, stealing his most vulnerable moments for their own pleasure. I took a few steps back, but couldn't bring myself to go. As he slid to the floor, my whole being ached with the need to be next to him.

Talk to him, the little voice whispered.

Just as I was about to move, his strange attitude came back to me and I hesitated. The rejection had been clear. He didn't want me. He didn't care for me, so why should I care for him? The moment the thought crossed my mind I knew it was right.

He drew his knees up, burying his face into his hands as he leaned forward. The slight tremble of his body made tears spring to my eyes.

Go, the voice ordered. I hesitated. Get outta here. I wasn't sure which side it was on. Seconds ago it had told me to go to him, now it wanted me to run.

I listened to the voice. One last look at him made the tears I'd been trying to hold back roll down my cheeks, then I turned and ran.

I couldn't get too involved. No matter how badly I wanted to jump straight in and take whatever he threw my way, good or bad. I couldn't take the risk. I had to think of myself, too. Getting involved with one of the most famous movie stars in the world wasn’t only crazy—it was stupid. I was bound to get hurt. And Johnny wasn't just any random celebrity. He was more than I'd bargained for. He was so much more than I'd known and I was