The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy (acx book reading txt) 📕

than he himself. They wanted to keep him from Fleur. His heart hardened. And, as if she felt that process going on, his mother said:

“Good night, darling. Have a good sleep and think it over. But it would be lovely!”

She pressed him to her so quickly that he did not see her face. Jon stood feeling exactly as he used to when he was a naughty little boy; sore because he was not loving, and because he was justified in his own eyes.

But Irene, after she had stood a moment in her own room, passed through the dressing-room between it and her husband’s.

“Well?”

“He will think it over, Jolyon.”

Watching her lips that wore a little drawn smile, Jolyon said quietly:

“You had better let me tell him, and have done with it. After all, Jon has the instincts of a gentleman. He has only to understand⁠—”

“Only! He can’t understand; that’s impossible.”

“I believe I could have at his age.”

Irene caught his hand. “You were always more of a realist than Jon; and never so innocent.”

“That’s true,” said Jolyon. “It’s queer, isn’t it? You and I would tell our stories to the world without a particle of shame; but our own boy stumps us.”

“We’ve never cared whether the world approves or not.”

“Jon would not disapprove of us!”

“Oh! Jolyon, yes. He’s in love, I feel he’s in love. And he’d say: ‘My mother once married without love! How could she have!’ It’ll seem to him a crime! And so it was!”

Jolyon took her hand, and said with a wry smile:

“Ah! why on earth are we born young? Now, if only we were born old and grew younger year by year, we should understand how things happen, and drop all our cursed intolerance. But you know if the boy is really in love, he won’t forget, even if he goes to Italy. We’re a tenacious breed; and he’ll know by instinct why he’s being sent. Nothing will really cure him but the shock of being told.”

“Let me try, anyway.”

Jolyon stood a moment without speaking. Between this devil and this deep sea⁠—the pain of a dreaded disclosure and the grief of losing his wife for two months⁠—he secretly hoped for the devil; yet if she wished for the deep sea he must put up with it. After all, it would be training for that departure from which there would be no return. And, taking her in his arms, he kissed her eyes, and said:

“As you will, my love.”

XI Duet

That “small” emotion, love, grows amazingly when threatened with extinction. Jon reached Paddington station half an hour before his time and a full week after, as it seemed to him. He stood at the appointed bookstall, amid a crowd of Sunday travellers, in a Harris tweed suit exhaling, as it were, the emotion of his thumping heart. He read the names of the novels on the bookstall, and bought one at last, to avoid being regarded with suspicion by the bookstall clerk. It was called The Heart of the Trail! which must mean something, though it did not seem to. He also bought The Lady’s Mirror and The Landsman. Every minute was an hour long, and full of horrid imaginings. After nineteen had passed, he saw her with a bag and a porter wheeling her luggage. She came swiftly; she came cool. She greeted him as if he were a brother.

“First class,” she said to the porter, “corner seats; opposite.”

Jon admired her frightful self-possession.

“Can’t we get a carriage to ourselves,” he whispered.

“No good; it’s a stopping train. After Maidenhead perhaps. Look natural, Jon.”

Jon screwed his features into a scowl. They got in⁠—with two other beasts!⁠—oh! heaven! He tipped the porter unnaturally, in his confusion. The brute deserved nothing for putting them in there, and looking as if he knew all about it into the bargain.

Fleur hid herself behind The Lady’s Mirror. Jon imitated her behind The Landsman. The train started. Fleur let The Lady’s Mirror fall and leaned forward.

“Well?” she said.

“It’s seemed about fifteen days.”

She nodded, and Jon’s face lighted up at once.

“Look natural,” murmured Fleur, and went off into a bubble of laughter. It hurt him. How could he look natural with Italy hanging over him? He had meant to break it to her gently, but now he blurted it out.

“They want me to go to Italy with Mother for two months.”

Fleur drooped her eyelids; turned a little pale, and bit her lips. “Oh!” she said. It was all, but it was much.

That “Oh!” was like the quick drawback of the wrist in fencing ready for riposte. It came.

“You must go!”

“Go?” said Jon in a strangled voice.

“Of course.”

“But⁠—two months⁠—it’s ghastly.”

“No,” said Fleur, “six weeks. You’ll have forgotten me by then. We’ll meet in the National Gallery the day after you get back.”

Jon laughed.

“But suppose you’ve forgotten me,” he muttered into the noise of the train.

Fleur shook her head.

“Some other beast⁠—” murmured Jon.

Her foot touched his.

“No other beast,” she said, lifting The Lady’s Mirror.

The train stopped; two passengers got out, and one got in.

“I shall die,” thought Jon, “if we’re not alone at all.”

The train went on; and again Fleur leaned forward.

“I never let go,” she said; “do you?”

Jon shook his head vehemently.

“Never!” he said. “Will you write to me?”

“No; but you can⁠—to my Club.”

She had a Club; she was wonderful!

“Did you pump Holly?” he muttered.

“Yes, but I got nothing. I didn’t dare pump hard.”

“What can it be?” cried Jon.

“I shall find out all right.”

A long silence followed till Fleur said: “This is Maidenhead; stand by, Jon!”

The train stopped. The remaining passenger got out. Fleur drew down her blind.

“Quick!” she cried. “Hang out! Look as much of a beast as you can.”

Jon blew his nose, and scowled; never in all his life had he scowled like that! An old lady recoiled, a young one tried the handle. It turned, but the door would not open. The train moved, the young lady darted to another carriage.

“What luck!” cried Jon.