Short Fiction by Anton Chekhov (libby ebook reader .txt) 📕

such a father! Borenka, my angel, I cannot lie when I see your face. You must excuse me.⁠ ⁠… What my depravity has come to, my God. Here I have just been robbing you, and put you to shame with my drunken state; I am robbing your brothers, too, and put them to shame, and you should have seen me yesterday! I won’t conceal it, Borenka. Some neighbours, a wretched crew, came to see my virago; I got drunk, too, with them, and I blackguarded you poor children for all I was worth. I abused you, and complained that you had abandoned me. I wanted, you see, to touch the drunken hussies’ hearts, and pose as an unhappy father. It’s my way, you know, when I want to screen my vices I throw all the blame on my innocent children. I can’t tell lies and hide things from you, Borenka. I came to see you as proud as a peacock, but when I saw your gentleness and kind heart, my tongue clave to the roof of my mouth, and it upset my conscience completely.”

“Hush, father, let’s talk of something else.”

“Mother of God, what children I have,” the old man went on, not heeding his son. “What wealth God has bestowed on me. Such children ought not to have had a black sheep like me for a father, but a real man with soul and feeling! I am not worthy of you!”

The old man took off his cap with a button at the top and crossed himself several times.

“Thanks be to Thee, O Lord!” he said with a sigh, looking from side to side as though seeking for an icon. “Remarkable, exceptional children! I have three sons, and they are all like one. Sober, steady, hardworking, and what brains! Cabman, what brains! Grigory alone has brains enough for ten. He speaks French, he speaks German, and talks better than any of your lawyers⁠—one is never tired of listening. My children, my children, I can’t believe that you are mine! I can’t believe it! You are a martyr, my Borenka, I am ruining you, and I shall go on ruining you.⁠ ⁠… You give to me endlessly, though you know your money is thrown away. The other day I sent you a pitiful letter, I described how ill I was, but you know I was lying, I wanted the money for rum. And you give to me because you are afraid to wound me by refusing. I know all that, and feel it. Grisha’s a martyr, too. On Thursday I went to his office, drunk, filthy, ragged, reeking of vodka like a cellar⁠ ⁠… I went straight up, such a figure, I pestered him with nasty talk, while his colleagues and superiors and petitioners were standing round. I have disgraced him for life. And he wasn’t the least confused, only turned a bit pale, but smiled and came up to me as though there were nothing the matter, even introduced me to his colleagues. Then he took me all the way home, and not a word of reproach. I rob him worse than you. Take your brother Sasha now, he’s a martyr too! He married, as you know, a colonel’s daughter of an aristocratic circle, and got a dowry with her.⁠ ⁠… You would think he would have nothing to do with me. No, brother, after his wedding he came with his young wife and paid me the first visit⁠ ⁠… in my hole.⁠ ⁠… Upon my soul!”

The old man gave a sob and then began laughing.

“And at that moment, as luck would have it, we were eating grated radish with kvass and frying fish, and there was a stink enough in the flat to make the devil sick. I was lying down⁠—I’d had a drop⁠—my virago bounced out at the young people with her face crimson,⁠ ⁠… It was a disgrace in fact. But Sasha rose superior to it all.”

“Yes, our Sasha is a good fellow,” said Boris.

“The most splendid fellow! You are all pure gold, you and Grisha and Sasha and Sonya. I worry you, torment you, disgrace you, rob you, and all my life I have not heard one word of reproach from you, you have never given me one cross look. It would be all very well if I had been a decent father to you⁠—but as it is! You have had nothing from me but harm. I am a bad, dissipated man.⁠ ⁠… Now, thank God, I am quieter and I have no strength of will, but in old days when you were little I had determination, will. Whatever I said or did I always thought it was right. Sometimes I’d come home from the club at night, drunk and ill-humoured, and scold at your poor mother for spending money. The whole night I would be railing at her, and think it the right thing too; you would get up in the morning and go to school, while I’d still be venting my temper upon her. Heavens! I did torture her, poor martyr! When you came back from school and I was asleep you didn’t dare to have dinner till I got up. At dinner again there would be a flare up. I daresay you remember. I wish no one such a father; God sent me to you for a trial. Yes, for a trial! Hold out, children, to the end! Honour thy father and thy days shall be long. Perhaps for your noble conduct God will grant you long life. Cabman, stop!”

The old man jumped out of the cab and ran into a tavern. Half an hour later he came back, cleared his throat in a drunken way, and sat down beside his son.

“Where’s Sonya now?” he asked. “Still at boarding-school?”

“No, she left in May, and is living now with Sasha’s mother-in-law.”

“There!” said the old man in surprise. “She is a jolly good girl! So she is following her brother’s example.⁠ ⁠… Ah, Borenka, she has no mother, no one to rejoice over her! I