Short Fiction by Anton Chekhov (libby ebook reader .txt) 📕

not at all dear, Nikolay Nikolayitch! In old days when there were lots of weddings one did do it cheaper, but nowadays what are our earnings? If you make fifty roubles in a month that is not a fast, you may be thankful. It’s not on weddings we make our money, my good sir.”

Stytchkin looked at the matchmaker in amazement and shrugged his shoulders.

“H’m!⁠ ⁠… Do you call fifty roubles little?” he asked.

“Of course it is little! In old days we sometimes made more than a hundred.”

“H’m! I should never have thought it was possible to earn such a sum by these jobs. Fifty roubles! It is not every man that earns as much! Pray drink your wine.⁠ ⁠…”

The matchmaker drained her glass without winking. Stytchkin looked her over from head to foot in silence, then said:

“Fifty roubles.⁠ ⁠… Why, that is six hundred roubles a year.⁠ ⁠… Please take some more⁠ ⁠… With such dividends, you know, Lyubov Grigoryevna, you would have no difficulty in making a match for yourself.⁠ ⁠…”

“For myself,” laughed the matchmaker, “I am an old woman.”

“Not at all.⁠ ⁠… You have such a figure, and your face is plump and fair, and all the rest of it.”

The matchmaker was embarrassed. Stytchkin was also embarrassed and sat down beside her.

“You are still very attractive,” said he; “if you met with a practical, steady, careful husband, with his salary and your earnings you might even attract him very much, and you’d get on very well together.⁠ ⁠…”

“Goodness knows what you are saying, Nikolay Nikolayitch.”

“Well, I meant no harm.⁠ ⁠…”

A silence followed. Stytchkin began loudly blowing his nose, while the matchmaker turned crimson, and looking bashfully at him, asked:

“And how much do you get, Nikolay Nikolayitch?”

“I? Seventy-five roubles, besides tips.⁠ ⁠… Apart from that we make something out of candles and hares.”

“You go hunting, then?”

“No. Passengers who travel without tickets are called hares with us.”

Another minute passed in silence. Stytchkin got up and walked about the room in excitement.

“I don’t want a young wife,” said he. “I am a middle-aged man, and I want someone who⁠ ⁠… as it might be like you⁠ ⁠… staid and settled and a figure something like yours.⁠ ⁠…”

“Goodness knows what you are saying⁠ ⁠…” giggled the matchmaker, hiding her crimson face in her kerchief.

“There is no need to be long thinking about it. You are after my own heart, and you suit me in your qualities. I am a practical, sober man, and if you like me⁠ ⁠… what could be better? Allow me to make you a proposal!”

The matchmaker dropped a tear, laughed, and, in token of her consent, clinked glasses with Stytchkin.

“Well,” said the happy railway guard, “now allow me to explain to you the behaviour and manner of life I desire from you.⁠ ⁠… I am a strict, respectable, practical man. I take a gentlemanly view of everything. And I desire that my wife should be strict also, and should understand that to her I am a benefactor and the foremost person in the world.”

He sat down, and, heaving a deep sigh, began expounding to his bride-elect his views on domestic life and a wife’s duties.

In the Coach-House

It was between nine and ten o’clock in the evening. Stepan the coachman, Mihailo the house-porter, Alyoshka the coachman’s grandson, who had come up from the village to stay with his grandfather, and Nikandr, an old man of seventy, who used to come into the yard every evening to sell salt herrings, were sitting round a lantern in the big coach-house, playing “kings.” Through the wide-open door could be seen the whole yard, the big house, where the master’s family lived, the gates, the cellars, and the porter’s lodge. It was all shrouded in the darkness of night, and only the four windows of one of the lodges which was let were brightly lit up. The shadows of the coaches and sledges with their shafts tipped upwards stretched from the walls to the doors, quivering and cutting across the shadows cast by the lantern and the players.⁠ ⁠… On the other side of the thin partition that divided the coach-house from the stable were the horses. There was a scent of hay, and a disagreeable smell of salt herrings coming from old Nikandr.

The porter won and was king; he assumed an attitude such as was in his opinion befitting a king, and blew his nose loudly on a red-checked handkerchief.

“Now if I like I can chop off anybody’s head,” he said. Alyoshka, a boy of eight with a head of flaxen hair, left long uncut, who had only missed being king by two tricks, looked angrily and with envy at the porter. He pouted and frowned.

“I shall give you the trick, grandfather,” he said, pondering over his cards; “I know you have got the queen of diamonds.”

“Well, well, little silly, you have thought enough!”

Alyoshka timidly played the knave of diamonds. At that moment a ring was heard from the yard.

“Oh, hang you!” muttered the porter, getting up. “Go and open the gate, O king!”

When he came back a little later, Alyoshka was already a prince, the fish-hawker a soldier, and the coachman a peasant.

“It’s a nasty business,” said the porter, sitting down to the cards again. “I have just let the doctors out. They have not extracted it.”

“How could they? Just think, they would have to pick open the brains. If there is a bullet in the head, of what use are doctors?”

“He is lying unconscious,” the porter went on. “He is bound to die. Alyoshka, don’t look at the cards, you little puppy, or I will pull your ears! Yes, I let the doctors out, and the father and mother in⁠ ⁠… They have only just arrived. Such crying and wailing, Lord preserve us! They say he is the only son.⁠ ⁠… It’s a grief!”

All except Alyoshka, who was absorbed in the game, looked round at the brightly lighted windows of the lodge.

“I have orders to go to the police station tomorrow,” said the porter. “There will be an inquiry⁠ ⁠… But what do I know