Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life by Jason Goodwin (great books for teens .txt) 📕

beginning to accept love fromwherever it comes. I accept love from people, pets, myself, andGod.

_____ 11. It feels good to be loved. I thinkI deserve it.

_____ 12. I will do whatever I can to findlove in my life. I will never give up on finding the love I need,and will continue to demonstrate love for others.

Chapter 16 –Low Self-Esteem

“Whatever games are played with us, we mustplay no games with ourselves.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Low self-esteem comes from feeling unworthy,defective, or not good enough. It can cause us to stay in abusiverelationships, hurt ourselves with addictions, neglect our personalneeds, or always put the needs of others before our own.

Low self-esteem is common in survivors ofsexual abuse. Many of us did not understand the reasons we wereabused, so we tried to convince ourselves that the abuse was ourfault. We came to believe that we must have done something terriblywrong to “deserve” to be abused.

When sexual abuse “works,” we become a shellof a person. We replace whatever good feelings we have aboutourselves with shame. Shame about our bodies, shame about ourlives, and shame about the abuse.

We begin to choose abuse in our daily lives.We choose abusive relationships and stay with abusive partners. Wesell our bodies to people we know will treat us like objects ordegrade us. We don’t stand up to people that criticize us or yellat us.

We isolate ourselves and avoid relationshipswith people who would be good to us. We destroy our bodies withalcohol and drugs. We fail to take care of our needs, and fail topursue the things we really want out of life.

How do we become so self-destructive? It isbecause we believe that we are bad. That we deserve to be punished.That we are not worthy of the good things life has to offer.

Many of us were brainwashed intoself-destruction. At some point, we decided that we really werejust sexual objects. We decided that our feelings really didn’tmatter.

When everything inside of us is disregarded,abandoned, or abused, we stop feeling loved. We no longer feelfull. Instead, we feel empty.

We don’t like ourselves, so we empty ourlives instead of filling ourselves with the love we need. We fillour lungs with smoke and empty out our health. We fill our bodieswith liquor and empty out our brains. We fill our stomachs withfood and empty out our self-respect.

We feel increasingly hollow and empty as wecontinue to engage in these self-destructive behaviors. Over time,we grow weaker and less capable of handling the challenges of life.We grow increasingly needy for the chemicals and addictions wethink will make us strong. When we get trapped in thisself-destructive, downward spiral, we empty out everything we needto survive.

When sexual abuse “works,” we blame ourselvesfor the abuse. We decide that we were bad or that we must have donesomething terrible to provoke the abuser. Maybe we were tooseductive. Maybe if we hadn’t been such a bad little boy or girl,they wouldn’t have molested us. Maybe it really is our fault.

Maybe all we’re good for is sex, so at leastwe should get paid for having sex. Maybe if we use enough drugs,sleep with enough people, drink enough alcohol, take enough pills,or smoke enough cigarettes, we will feel better. But we never do.We only feel worse. And the more we abuse ourselves, the worse wefeel.

When sexual abuse “works,” we stop caring. Wedecide that it is hopeless. All we will ever feel is pain. All wewill ever be good for is sex. All we can ever do is self-medicate.All we will ever know is abuse. We will never break free and neverfeel better. We will continue to abuse ourselves, and we willcontinue to be abused.

Sexual abuse leads to low self-esteem. Butevery negative pattern we change, every issue we resolve, everyaddiction we conquer, every negative belief we reprogram willimprove our self-esteem. Low self-esteem is not an accident. It hasmany causes. Yet every one of those causes can be discovered,examined, explained, and reversed.

Low self-esteem does not need to bepermanent. It does not have to be a life-sentence. But to improveour self-esteem, we must begin to change the way we think about andrelate to ourselves.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: Low Self-Esteem

(To Myself): I hate myself.

I hate feeling so weak. If hate feeling somuch fear and so much pain. I hate my inability to control my life,my powerlessness, and my vulnerability. Sexual abuse leads to lowself-esteem because it takes the worst parts of being human andputs them right in my face!

(My wise, inner voice): It’s okay to bevulnerable. It’s okay to have no control. It’s okay to feel weak.You are a good person, even when you feel down on yourself. Youdon’t need to have absolute control.

I need to accept some vulnerability in mylife, some lack of control, and some weakness. I need to stoptrying to control things that are beyond my control. I don’t needto feel so afraid of my past or my future. I can love myself. I canlove my vulnerability and my weaknesses. I can allow these feelingsto pass through me without becoming self-destructive.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry#2: Fear of Sexual Abuse

I feel a lot of fear. I am still afraid ofthe abuse. Sometimes I’m so afraid that I attract people orsituations that remind me of the past. I am attracted to women whowere sexually abused. I shake with fear and terror when I thinkabout what happened to me. I experience flashbacks and terrifyingdreams.

I need to release my fear. I need to allowmyself to feel it and let it to pass through me. I don’t want tokeep these feelings bottled up inside of me anymore. I don’t wantto let this fear control me.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #3: Anger at God

I don’t think God should allow adults tosexually abuse children, because children have no way to stop theabuse. They are so physically, mentally, and emotionallydefenseless. The abuser is in a position of total power.

This is completely unjust, the most wrongfulinjustice there is.

I had no defense against my abusers. I couldnot cry out, or I would be silenced. I could not object, or I wouldbe cut