Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life by Jason Goodwin (great books for teens .txt) 📕

a time for love, safety, andsupport? Why do I feel so bad when I should feel so good? Why am Iso ashamed of my body? Why are my abusers so angry with me? Why dothey yell at me, hit me, or rape me?”

Can a child understand? Can anyone understandwhy some children don’t get the love they deserve?

At first, we may have thought our abuserswere omnipotent. They seemed so powerful and in control. At somepoint, we may have believed that they knew what they were doing. Wemay have concluded that we were getting what we deserved, or thatwe must have done something terribly wrong to deserve theirabuse.

Blaming ourselves made us feel like we werestill in control. It made us feel like we still understood theworld. It made us think there was some logic to what was happeningto us.

But it was a lie. Our transformation fromself-esteem to self-loathing was insidious. When we decided that wewere bad, we began to abuse ourselves. We lost our ability to treatourselves with love and respect. We lost our ability to insist thatothers treat us well. When we fail to reverse this destructive,downward spiral, we lose our lives to abuse, addiction, anddeath.

To reverse this terrible process, we mustrealize the truth. Being abused is always a question, never astatement of fact. When our abuser told us, “You are a worthlesspiece of garbage,” what he/she was really saying was, “I want youto believe you are a worthless piece of garbage. Will you believeit?”

Sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse for thatmatter, is an attack on our self-esteem. In our minds, we hear whatour abusers are saying but don’t always realize they are issuing achallenge. It has always been up to us to decide what to believeabout ourselves.

An abuser cannot tell us who we are. Sure,they can make our lives hell. They can put us in hellishly painfulsituations that cause a great deal of emotional damage.

When we were children, most of us could notunderstand that the abuser was challenging us. Even worse, thischallenge may have come from someone who was much older, muchstronger, and more powerful than we were at the time.

Yet our failure to understand the nature ofthis challenge does not change the truth. Abuse is always aquestion, never a statement of fact. It is a lie. It is an attemptto intimidate and bully us. Our abusers wanted to hurt someone withtheir anger. Someone whom they believed could not stand up to theirabuse. They wanted us to be their victim. They wanted to make usbelieve that we deserved to be abused.

So they asked us questions that weredisguised as fact. Are you a bad child? Do you deserve to be yelledat? Do you deserve to be attacked? Do you deserve to be criticizedunfairly?

Do you deserve to be hit? Do you deserve tobe raped? Is it your fault that I’m raping you? Is it your faultthat I don’t love you? Is it your fault that I won’t support you?Is it your fault that I withhold love and attention until you giveme what I want?

Is there something I can say or do to justifymy abuse of you? Do you deserve the pain, suffering, and agony I aminflicting upon you? Do I have the right to abuse you because youare my child? Will you be the victim I want you to become?

Questions, questions, and more questions, butnot a single statement of fact. Could it be that the answer to allof their implied questions is a resounding “No!” Could it be thatwe are wonderful, loveable, spiritual, kind souls who deserve allthe love this world has to offer?

How did they want us to answer every one oftheir implied questions? “Yes, yes, and yes.” To get their love, toget their approval, we had to answer “yes.” “Yes, I deserve to beabused. Yes, I’m a bad boy/girl. Yes, it’s okay for you to abuseme. Yes, you have the right to abuse me because I’m your child.Yes, I am bad. Yes, I will be the victim you want me tobecome.”

Some abusers worked very hard to brainwashus. Every time we said “no” to one of their implied questions, wepaid the price. If we said, “No, I don’t deserve to be abused,”they would abuse us even worse and withhold any further love andapproval. If we said, “No, I won’t be the person you’re trying toturn me into,” they would work twice as hard to break us down. Welearned that we couldn’t win. The only way to survive was to becomethe person they wanted us to be.

Some of us desperately wanted our abuser’slove and approval. Our longing for love and care made it easier forthem to exploit us.

It’s time to realize that it’s all okay. Wecannot condemn ourselves for trying to survive. We cannot condemnourselves for wanting their love and approval. We cannotsecond-guess the logic of a vulnerable, needy child who was facedwith an impossible situation.

But the things we came to believe aboutourselves were lies. They were a product of manipulation, terror,and brainwashing. It’s time to question whether anyone deserves tobe abused. It’s time to examine the way we choose to treatourselves. It’s time to discover what we actually deserve aschildren of God.

To reverse this brainwashing, we must reverseall of the negative beliefs we embraced about ourselves. We need toconsciously say “no” to every implied question.

High self-esteem is something that happenswhen we realize we are good people and we deserve all the goodthings this world has to offer. Positive beliefs about ourselvestranslate into positive actions. When we learn to treat ourselveswith respect, take care of our needs, and set healthy boundaries,we create strong foundations for our future. Good self-esteem comesfrom healing sexual abuse.

There are many benefits to good self-esteem.When we like ourselves, we begin to feel more confident. We gainthe strength to face life’s challenges. Confidence can help ustrust that we will be all right, no matter what happens.

High self-esteem leads to freedom. The moreconfident we feel, the more we reject abuse in our daily lives. Werecognize abusive partners before we get into relationships withthem. We stop feeling attracted to abusers.