Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life by Jason Goodwin (great books for teens .txt) 📕

We begin to set healthyboundaries. We begin to reserve our trust for those people whoprove worthy of it.

Good self-esteem is a product of our beliefsand our choices. It comes from believing positive things aboutourselves. It comes from seeing our past in a realistic way. If wewere convinced that the abuse was our fault, we begin to realizethe truth. We were good people when we were born, we were goodpeople when we were being abused, and we are still good peopletoday.

One of the obstacles we face is that we areonly able to believe those things about ourselves we have thestrength to believe. Our abusers did everything in their power tobreak us down and make us feel weak. They wanted to make usquestion our worth. They wanted to control us. They tried to takeaway our physical and emotional safety. They tried to take away oursexual integrity.

They wanted us to feel powerless and afraid.They knew that if they ever allowed us to experience our personalstrength and power, we would have used it to defy them and theirabuse.

They wanted to keep us weak so we could notmake up our own minds about who we were, what we deserved, and whywe were being abused. They realized that if they could only breakus down enough, they could tell us what to believe. They could tellus that the abuse was our fault or that we were bad. They couldtell us that we didn’t deserve any better.

It’s time to nurture the strength inside sowe can decide for ourselves what we want to believe.

High self-esteem is the result of positiveaction. It comes from demonstrating love for ourselves by engagingin good self-care (Chapter 26) and avoiding self-sabotage (Chapter9). We demonstrate love for ourselves by treating ourselves withkindness and respect.

Inner healing is a process. We need to healthe wounds of our inner child (Chapter 14). We need to release ourpain (Chapter 7) and our fear (Chapter 19). We need to reprogramour beliefs about the abuse (Chapter 17), treat ourselves with loveand respect, and demand that others treat us well (Chapter 28).

Our self-esteem improves when we nurture thepower within us. Without the strength that comes from self-love andself-care, we might never develop the courage to reject the lies ofour past.

We are good people. It’s time to buildourselves up physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually sothat we have the strength to believe it.

Exercise17-1

Refuting the Lies

Please read these statements out loud:

1. Abuser: “You are a bad boy/girl.”

Us: “No, I am good. I am a child of God.”

2. Abuser: “You deserve this.”

Us: “No, I don’t deserve your abuse. No onedeserves to be abused.”

3. Abuser: “You are a sexual object.”

Us: “No. I am a loveable human being. I amnot some object for you to use.”

4. Abuser: “You are powerless.”

Us: “No. I am strong. I can make my owndecisions about who I am and what I choose to believe aboutmyself.”

5. Abuser: “You have to do what I say.”

Us: “No. I don’t need you anymore. I neededyou as a child, and you abused my trust. Now I love myself, and Iwill take good care of myself.”

6. Abuser: “What I’m doing to you isokay.”

Us: “No. It’s not okay for you to abuse me.What you are doing is wrong.”

7. Abuser: “You need to keep this asecret.”

Us: “No. I will tell anyone I need to aboutthe abuse if it will help me to heal.”

8. Abuser: “You are weak.”

Us: “No. I am stronger than your abuse.”

9. Abuser: “I want you to be my victim.”

Us: “No. I will not be your victim.”

10. Abuser: “I’ll love you if you just dowhat I say.”

Us: “No you won’t. You will continue to abuseme.”

11. Abuser: “I’m doing this because I loveyou.”

Us: “No, you are only using me.”

12. Abuser: “I am an adult, so I know betterthan you.”

Us: “No. You are ignorant and cruel. Youractions show me that you know how to abuse me, not that you knowhow to love me.”

Exercise17-2

Reprogramming ourselves

Repeat these statements as often asnecessary, processing whatever feelings come up:

1. Do I deserve to be yelled at? No. Ideserve to be treated with respect.

2. Do I deserve unhealthy criticism? No. Ideserve to be complimented on the things I do well and praised formy positive qualities.

3. Do I deserve to be hit? No. I deserve tobe safe and free from harm.

4. Do I deserve to be raped? No. I deserve tohave my sexual choices respected.

5. Is it my fault that he/she raped me? No. Ididn’t do anything to deserve what he/she did. There is nothing Icould have done to deserve his/her abuse.

6. Is it my fault that he/she didn’t treat mewith love? No. I deserve to be loved. God created me, and “Goddoesn’t make junk.”

7. Is it my fault that he/she didn’t supportme? No. I deserve to be loved and supported so that I can grow toreach my full potential. I deserve to be encouraged.

8. Is it my fault that my abusers withheldlove and approval from me until I gave them what they wanted? No. Ideserved to be loved without accepting their abuse, approving ofwhat they were doing, or participating in their mind games.

9. Is it okay for him/her to abuse me? No.Nothing can ever justify the way he/she treated me.

10. Did he/she have the right to abuse mebecause I was his/her child? No. The opposite is true. A person’schildren deserve the best treatment anyone can receive.

11. Will I be the person he/she tried to turnme into? No. I will heal the wounds of my past. I will take adifferent path. I will find my freedom. I will treat myself withlove and respect. I will recover my pride, my dignity, and myself-esteem. I will chart a positive course for my life.

12. I don’t have to agree with anything myabuser did, said, thought, believed,

or tried to make me believe. I regain truefreedom when I regain my own thoughts, beliefs, and anunderstanding that I truly am a good person.

Personal Journal Entries

Entry #1: About Self-Esteem

One way to discover how I feel about myselfis by observing my thoughts when I’m alone. Do I enjoy my owncompany?

I need love in