Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

He was ignoring everything I said, and that made me mad. I was pouring my heart out and he gave no response. It made me think he was just as fake as Marcus.

“That’s it? You have nothing to say?”

“I don’t know what to say,” he said. “You’re right, I can’t be mad. I don’t know why this has me feeling all weird.”

“Well, do you want to just end things?” I asked.

He narrowed his eyes. “Abby, don’t be dumb.”

“Well!” I exclaimed. “I obviously have enough going on; I don’t want problems with you too. I love you, and if you don’t feel the same, then we need to stop this before my heart becomes more invested than it already is.”

“I do love you,” he said, crossing the room. He pulled me into him and nestled his nose in my hair. “So much.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“I’m positive.”

His words were enough assurance for me to go back to my place of temporary contentment. My relationship with Gage was the one thing that kept me sane, so for it to be disheveled was something I couldn’t handle.

Eventually, we escaped the room and went our separate ways. Every time we pulled apart, I felt like my heart broke a little. Not only because I didn’t want to leave him, but because of the whole situation…my life. I wished things were different, simpler.

As I pulled out of the parking lot, my mind was on overload. My husband was a short distance away defying me and our marriage, and had been for a long time. I was disgusted at myself for thinking that he and I could ever reconcile. That wouldn’t happen in a million years. I knew Marcus, and if he ever found out what I’d done, everything would be on me, even though deep down, he was the root of all our problems. It was him that led me to this place. He’d made me crazy. At some point, this would all have to stop and I knew I was going to have to be the one to end it. We couldn’t continue like this forever. What would it take for me to grow the courage and let go? Why am I still holding on?

***

Melinda and I slumped down on the couch and took a long breath. We’d just finished moving the last of her things into her new two-bedroom apartment on the beach. It was so cute, and I was jealous. It was modern and sleek, just her style.

Things with Jon had ended quickly, and they were now separated. They were both out of their house and it was on the market. She had her own place and was starting a new life. Maybe she’d be an inspiration and I could get moving on my relationship troubles. Doubtful.

“Well, you did good,” I said, walking to the sliding glass door that overlooked the water. “This place is gorgeous.”

“I’m excited to have my own space. I’m ready to move on. It’s sad, you know…divorce sucks, but I had to do what I had to do for me.” It was still a hard concept to grasp. I’d been thinking lately that maybe marriage wasn’t even worth it anymore. Could anyone fully commit?

“Yeah,” I said. I couldn’t elaborate because I didn’t want to get into it with her about love and relationships. When it came to my life, I was on my own…and that was scary. My mind wasn’t exactly the safest place to be.

“What’s the deal with Marcus?” she asked. So much for not elaborating.

“It’s the same as it always is. No changes,” I said. “I saw him at a hotel the other day with a woman. I only saw the back of her head, but I’m pretty sure it was Katie from his office. Yep, they’re still going strong.” I laughed, but it wasn’t funny.

“How did you see him at a hotel?”

Crap. I walked right into that one. I paused, knowing that she’d know I’d be lying if I tried to make an excuse. I let out a deep breath, preparing myself to tell her the truth.

“I was there…with Gage.”

“What?” she yelled. “Abigail West! Are you serious?”

“Yeah…”

“I thought you were done with him! How long has this been going on?”

“We’ve been back together about two weeks now.”

“Back together? What, like you’re a couple or something?”

“He calls me his girlfriend…we say I love you, Mel.”

“Have you lost your freaking mind? Abby! What happened to ending things with Marcus before you go and do something stupid again?”

“You need to calm down. Also, it really pisses me off that you say it’s stupid. It’s not stupid to me, or him. We love each other. Yes, our situation sucks, and we are going to handle it when the time is right, but Melinda, I’ve never loved someone so much in my life.”

“Abby…” she said, sighing. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you. I mean really, I just feel so bad for you. Your life is so chaotic.”

“You’re telling me. I’m the one living it.”

She went to the kitchen and pulled a bottle of wine from a box, then fished through another where she found two glasses. She poured them full and handed me one. I wasn’t much of a wine drinker, but I took a long sip immediately. At this point, I needed anything to calm my nerves.

“I’m sorry I exploded,” she said. “I know this isn’t easy for you. I get so frustrated because I love you so much and I hate to see you in such a mess.”

“It’s okay. I mean, I get it. Gage and I aren’t doing things in any kind of traditional way. Really, it’s ass backward. I just can’t control the