Discovering Truths by B. Benfield (chrysanthemum read aloud .TXT) 📕

feelings I’ve developed for him. When he admitted to me that he felt the same way, I knew it was something I couldn’t ignore. We have to do what we have to do until we’re able to be together.” I downed the rest of my wine and sat the glass on the coffee table.

“Although I hate everything about this, I can understand loving someone so much that you’d do whatever you had to do to be with them. I wish things were different for you.”

“You have no idea how much I wish that too. If I’d only met him at a different time….”

***

When I made it home that evening, I couldn’t wait to get inside, take a shower, and forget about the day. If things didn’t always enter such a negative space, I’d survive a little better, but it always came down to the fact that everything I was doing was wrong. Trust me, I knew.

Before I went inside, I pulled out my phone to send Gage a message and let him know that I had made it home. Marcus was inside and probably in our room on one of his devices, and I didn’t want him creeping over my shoulder. After a couple glasses, the wine made me feel a little sloshy and all I yearned for was a peaceful sleep.

As I made my way up the stairs, his voice coming from our room grabbed my attention. I slowed my steps as I crept around the hall, doing my best to listen in on his conversation.

“We can get together next weekend,” he said. “I’ve got to take her somewhere this weekend. I promised I would.”

I had to stifle a laugh. He was so full of shit it was comical. He didn’t promise me anything; he merely suggested we go away. If it were up to me, we wouldn’t be going anywhere. I had no desire to do anything with him. I had hoped he’d forget or get busy. No such luck.

“I can’t leave her yet,” he said. Then he paused, listening to whoever it was on the other end of the line. I assumed it was Katie. “We have a lot invested. It’s not going to be that easy.”

My mind was blown. He had been contemplating divorce. To any other person, this conversation would destroy an entire life. Nothing affected me anymore. I’d read online that with some depression medication you start to not give a damn about anything. With my dosage increase, I think I’d reached that point.

What kind of woman was this Katie? Messing with another woman’s husband? I’d give it to her, she was young, beautiful, and successful, but couldn’t she find another man…one that wasn’t taken? I wondered how she felt after she came face to face with me at the hospital last year. Did it affect her at all, or was she that heartless? Then I thought about me…basically in the same position. I didn’t feel bad about it, though, and I assumed she didn’t either. It came down to that one simple fact: I didn’t give a damn about anything anymore.

I decided to make my presence known, although I didn’t understand how he hadn’t heard me open the garage or walk through the door. He must’ve really been into his conversation. I went into the bathroom in the hall and flushed the toilet, coughing loudly as I washed my hands. If he didn’t hear any of that, that was his own problem.

When I entered our room, he laid there on the bed doing something on his tablet.

“Oh, hey,” he said. “Get Melinda moved?”

“Yeah, she’s all in,” I replied, heading to the closet. I ripped off my clothes and went straight to the bathroom. As I walked naked across our room, I thought about how I used to want him to touch me. Now, the thought of him coming near me made me sick.

“Crazy about her and Jon,” he said, following me into the bathroom. I started the water and climbed in the shower.

“Yeah. It’s crazy. But whatever makes them happy.” I said.

“So, I’ve been looking at hotels for us to stay at this weekend,” he said. My only guess was that he changed the subject because he didn’t want to talk about divorce, or doing whatever makes you happy. I wondered how long it would take before he caved. How long would he be able to keep his secret?

“Oh yeah? I know you’re busy. If it’s too much, we don’t have to go right now,” I said, hoping for my out.

“Nah. I need to get away. A weekend isn’t going to hurt. I was thinking we go somewhere close, just get a hotel and chill…like we used to back in the day.”

Weekends away were something we used to do frequently. His income allowed us the freedom to go anywhere we wanted at any time. We’d often find a nice hotel and spend the weekend there relaxing in different scenery. Only now…I didn’t want to go down memory lane, yet here I was.

“Sure. Whatever. You figure it out and let me know.”

“Well, since you’re already off on Fridays, I figured I’d take this Friday off as well and we could head out, then come home Sunday.”

Three full days with him. Ugh. I’d gotten so used to spending time alone, I was dreading being with him. There was so much between us that was unsaid, it was difficult to play along and pretend like everything was okay. I wasn’t sure why I wanted to anymore. With everything I knew, and the conversation I just heard, I didn’t understand what kept me locked in. By this point, I was angry with myself for my conflicted feelings.

“Sounds good,” I said, rubbing shampoo through my hair.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Yes, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re being really short.”

Or was he asking if