Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

fell into a horrible funk.” He sat up so he was right next to me. “There’s a little silver lining, I guess. Depending on when things wrap up there, I might be coming back to finish off the Chicago gig before I have to head back to California.”

That gave me a glimmer of hope. “So you might be back?”

“I’m not sure how it’s going to play out, but that’s a definite possibility. I did talk to my boss about the company covering my rent here for the remainder of the time I’d committed to. I didn’t want to put you out. He agreed to reimburse me for it.” Declan placed a piece of my hair behind my ear. “Can you keep my room here open? That way I know I’ll have a place to stay when I come back.”

It still felt surreal. “Of course, Declan. Of course.”

He shook his head as he stared down at my bedspread. “This is shitty timing—literally kissing and running.” He looked up at me and flashed a crooked smile that made my heart ache. Then he took my hand in his. It was an innocent gesture, but it made me warm all over.

I looked down at our entwined hands. “No matter how confused we might be, Declan, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I hope we don’t lose touch, because the thought of that makes me so very sad.”

He squeezed my hand. “I promise to stay in touch, Molly. I would love that.”

“You’ve helped get me through a really tough time in my life. Your friendship, your breakfasts for dinner, your smile...” I grinned. “I’ve felt more alive since you’ve moved in than I have in years.”

He studied my face. Maybe that was a little much to admit.

“This sucks,” he muttered.

The room fell silent.

“When do you have to leave?” I asked.

“He wants me out there by the beginning of next week.”

I did the math. I was off for the next three days but had to work Saturday through Monday. That meant I only had a couple of days to see him before he left.

I wanted to cry. “That’s so soon.”

He frowned. “I know.”

“What about you and Julia? Where does this leave that relationship?”

He shrugged. “In limbo, I guess—but that’s not far from where it already is. I think the distance will be good for us. I’m glad we hadn’t made any kind of commitment before this happened.”

Declan would surely want to be free to date whomever he pleased in Wisconsin. The thought of that made me nauseous, once again reminding me of my feelings for him.

“I wish I could say ‘fuck the job’ and stay. I really do. I love it here, and no part of me is ready to leave.” He exhaled. “I’ve come so damn far with this company, and if I pushed back on this, it would make me seem like I wasn’t a team player. It would hurt my chances of promotion.”

“I totally get it. Now is the time in your life to work hard so you can play later.”

He let go of my hand and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. “My need for success is deeply rooted. My parents are very old-fashioned—particularly my father. I grew up being told I needed to be successful because I’m a man, whereas they were fine with my sisters just marrying and settling down. The ironic thing is, my sisters all excel in their careers. But even so, my father has always put added pressure on me because I’m the only boy. I disappointed him when I chose not to go to law school like he wanted, so I’ve tried so damn hard to show him I can make my mark in an industry of my own choosing, not the one he chose for me.”

“Your dad is a lawyer?”

“Yeah. I never told you that?”

“No.”

“Yep. So he wanted me to follow in his footsteps, but it never felt right. When I finally decided to go into marketing, I promised I would prove myself to him, prove that I could carve out my own success.”

“You talk so much about your sisters, but you don’t talk much about your parents.”

“It’s a bit of a sore spot. But it’s also what motivates me.”

“I get it.”

He looked over at me and smiled. “You have a way about you that makes me want to share things I don’t normally talk about. I’m gonna miss talking to you—in person. I promise we’ll keep talking.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.”

He nodded. “You’re still going out with Will tonight, right?”

I sighed. This news about Declan leaving threw a wrench into my plans to talk about my conflicted feelings with him this evening. “Yeah. I’m supposed to meet him at his place.”

“And you’re gonna answer his little proposal?”

I hesitated. “I don’t know.”

“I have a confession…” he said.

“Alright…”

He sat up again to face me. “That kiss... I don’t regret it. Not for a second. It was an asshole thing to do, though. You’d just told me you’d made a decision you felt good about, and I went a little caveman, because I was feeling jealous.”

I smiled and let him continue.

“I didn’t have a right to toy with you like that. And I’m sorry.”

“I don’t regret the kiss,” I immediately said. “Maybe I do regret letting you suck on my neck so hard, because now I have to wear this shirt buttoned all the way up tonight. I look like a nun.” I unbuttoned the top two buttons and pulled the material back to show him the bruise. “No offense with the nun comment.”

“None taken.” Declan ran his finger along my skin. “Shit.”

The brush of his fingertip made me shiver.

“But damn, I do like seeing it on you. Sorry not sorry. Is it wrong that I kind of want Dr. Dick to see it?” he asked. “It’s like I’ve brainwashed myself into thinking the competition we created between me and him is real.”

If only he realized how real it had been