Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

for me all along. All I wanted to do tonight was hang out with Declan because our time was so limited.

I’d almost suggested canceling my date when Declan said, “Go have fun tonight. Don’t let my news about leaving get you down. Order the most expensive fucking thing on the menu. Get a little tipsy—but not too drunk. And go with your gut, Molly. If you don’t feel like you’re ready, don’t tell him anything tonight. You don’t owe anyone an answer on any timeline.”

“That’s the same advice my dad gave me.” I smiled.

“Well, great minds, then.”

***

I didn’t end up having dinner with Will after all. He was called in for an emergency at the hospital and had to cancel at the last minute. That was a relief—which had made me question my feelings all over again. I’d gone back home and found Declan out, so I’d used the quiet to think about things some more. I’d decided that in order to really assess how I felt about moving forward with Will, I needed Declan to be gone. It wasn’t fair to make a decision right now when all I could think about was him leaving.

Anyway, Will and I had rescheduled our dinner to lunch this afternoon. We were meeting at a place near my apartment, which made me feel a lot more comfortable than the dinner at his place we’d originally planned. So far, we’d only shared a few kisses on the nights we’d had dates, but the natural progression of a physical relationship was looming, and I didn’t want that pressure before I had my head screwed on straight.

It was Friday morning. Declan was at work, but we had planned to hang out tonight, since it was my last evening off for a few days. He’d be leaving on Monday.

When I went out to the kitchen, I noticed a single pink M&M on the countertop along with a note.

Mollz, I realized that before I leave I should probably give you back your pink M&Ms. But I’ve decided to leave them around the apartment in various spots so when I’m gone you’ll think of me and smile whenever you find them. It’ll be like I’m still here. (Not.) This is your first one. I hope you have a good day. See you tonight.

CHAPTER 22

Declan

“You know what? I’ll take these, too.” I pointed to a colorful bouquet of flowers. I’d stopped at a fresh fruit stand to pick up some strawberries for the dessert I planned to make Molly.

The old woman who worked there smiled. “Good choice. These just came in. The colors are so pretty, aren’t they?”

“They are. I’m not usually a flowers guy either.”

The woman tsked. “Uh-oh. You must be in the doghouse then? What did you do?”

I laughed. “No, I’m not in any trouble.”

“Just bringing them for no reason?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m making my…friend dinner and thought they would be nice to put on the table.”

The woman bagged the strawberries, and I paid. As she handed me the flowers, she winked. “Good luck with your friend tonight.”

The fruit stand was the last of five stops I’d made on the way home. Since tonight would probably be the last meal I’d get to cook for Molly, I’d decided to leave work early and surprise her by making appetizer-sized portions of all of her favorite dishes. I knew that would make her smile, which in turn, had me in a good mood. It was the first time I’d been able to put thoughts of leaving Chicago out of my mind. In fact, I felt so chipper as I walked home, I didn’t even realize I was whistling.

About a block from the apartment, I stood at the crosswalk waiting for the red light to change. While I whistled the old “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” song, I happened to glance across the street at the Italian restaurant Molly and I had ordered from a few times. And my whistling came to an abrupt stop.

Molly.

She was inside the restaurant, sitting at a table right up against the front window. And she wasn’t alone. Will sat across from her. The light I’d been waiting on turned green, and people all around me started crossing. But I couldn’t move. I just stood there staring. Molly was smiling—she had a big, real smile that lit up her beautiful face. The douchebag across from her leaned in and said something, and her head bent back in laughter.

Ever see a car accident on the side of the road? You know you shouldn’t look, yet you can’t stop staring—even when what you see causes an ache in your chest. Yeah, that’s not what this felt like at all. This felt like I’d been the one who crashed the fucking car into a tree going eighty miles an hour. My chest tightened, and my throat constricted, making it hard to suck air into my lungs.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

My Molly. With Will. And she looked…happy. As much as I wanted that for her, it was physically painful to see another man making it happen. Two minutes ago I’d been bringing home flowers and whistling, yet now my whole world had come crashing down on me. I’m not an idiot—I’d known I had strong feelings for Molly. But now I realized I felt a lot more than that.

I’d fallen in love with her.

***

A text came in as I folded another pair of pants into my suitcase.

Molly: Should be home about 7:30. I went over to my dad’s this afternoon to check in on him, and we lost track of time. Want me to pick up anything on the way back?

After I’d gotten home earlier, I’d sat around moping, trying to figure out what to do. Nearly four hours later, the decision I’d come to felt a little rash, but deep down I knew it was the right thing…for both of us.

Rather than tell Molly I’d moved up my flight, I chose to wait until