Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

left. I figured it might be a good time to fill him in.

“He moved to Wisconsin,” I said.

Will’s brows lifted. “Declan moved?”

I nodded. “He had a change in his work assignment.”

“Is this a permanent move?”

“No. But Declan actually lives in California. He might come back for a few weeks after he’s done in Wisconsin, but then he’ll be going home to Newport Beach for good.”

“I didn’t realize he didn’t live here.”

Of course, since I’d used Declan to make Will jealous, I hadn’t mentioned that tidbit.

“Yeah. He was never here permanently.”

Will quietly sipped his coffee some more. The next time he spoke, he shifted in his seat to look at me. “How do you feel about that?”

“About Declan being gone?”

He nodded.

My relationship with Will had started with a lie—Declan and I pretending to be a couple. If we had any real chance of things working out, I needed to be honest. So I was, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“I’m sad he left. We had grown close. But he’s a good friend, and we want to keep in touch.” I paused. “Will that upset you?”

Will looked into my eyes. “Is that all you are now? Just friends?”

Whether my heart wanted more or not, that was what we were now. So I nodded.

Will shook his head. “Then, no, I won’t let it upset me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of your relationship with him. But if you say you’re only friends, that’s good enough for me. Right now you need all of your friends to support you, even if one happens to be too damn good-looking for my liking.”

I smiled. “Thank you for understanding, Will.”

He squeezed my hand. “Just remember, I can be here for you, too. All you have to do is let me.”

CHAPTER 24

Molly

I opened the Advil container and out came a pink M&M. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’d stumbled on candies all over the apartment. I always thought of Declan and smiled when it happened; he was right about that.

He’d been gone a month, and I still missed him. So much. The only difference between now and the time right after he left was that now I was forcing myself to move on—spending time with Will and allowing him to be there for me in every way. I hadn’t been able to do that with Declan around.

I popped the pink M&M in my mouth before pouring some water to take two of the actual pills. Then I picked up the phone and texted Declan.

Molly: Got the one you left in the Advil bottle. Made me smile :-)

He responded with a photo of himself getting ready to bite into a big hunk of cheese.

Declan: Say cheese.

Molly: When in Wisconsin…

Declan: You feeling okay?

Molly: Yeah. Why do you ask?

Declan: The Advil?

Oh. Duh.

Molly: Just a headache. Stressful day.

A couple of seconds later, my phone rang.

I picked up. “Hey.”

“Everything okay?” Declan sounded concerned.

“Yeah. Nothing terrible. Just visited Dad. He wasn’t feeling well, but at least he hasn’t had to be hospitalized. Now I have to go to work tonight, and it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m so tired, but I’m going to jump in the shower and push myself to go.”

“You don’t ever call out, do you?”

“No. I feel too guilty about leaving my co-workers high and dry at the last minute.”

“I bet they do that to you all the time.”

I took a moment to ponder that. “You’re right. It happens way more than it should.”

“You’re long overdue. I think you should call out and just rest tonight.”

I bit my bottom lip. “I don’t know if I could go through with it.”

“Yes, you can. And I hereby declare today National No Fucks Given Day. I think it should be celebrated at least once a year. Today is that day for you. Mark the calendar to remember it next year.”

I laughed. “And what does this holiday consist of?”

“Whatever the hell you want. That’s the beauty of it. So take the night off. Give yourself a break. Seriously, when was the last time you called out of work?”

“Never.”

“You’re kidding. Never? Not even once?”

“Literally never. I have never called out of work in my entire life—not because of sickness or anything else.”

“Molly. Fuck. It’s time. You owe it to yourself. Do it. Call the hospital. Do it now and call me back.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes. I am dead serious. I know it will be hard for you, but it’s a good exercise in putting yourself first. Sometimes that’s necessary. Didn’t that therapist you see want you to be less rigid? This is the perfect exercise for that. Now, go make the call, then take a nice, hot shower to decompress. Call me back after. I need to know you actually did it.”

I took a deep breath in and let it out. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. If Declan wasn’t pushing me, I would never have thought to do this.

“Okay.” I exhaled. “Okay. I’ll call them now.”

“Good girl. I’ll talk to you in a bit.”

After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a while, having an internal debate. But then I came to the conclusion that the longer I debated, the less notice I’d be giving my colleagues, and that was bad. So I forced myself to make the call.

My hand trembled as I dialed the number. When my co-worker Nancy answered at the nurses’ station, I forced out that I wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be coming in for my shift tonight. It hurt my chest to lie. She sounded sympathetic and said I must really be sick if I was calling out, because I’d never done so before. I didn’t say anything in response to that, because I couldn’t lie any more than I already had. I simply thanked her and hung up. But after, I felt…a small sense of relief.

I took the long, hot shower