English as She Is Spoke by Pedro Carolino (the snowy day read aloud .txt) đź“•
Description
In 1855 Pedro Carolino set out to write an English phrasebook for Portuguese travelers visiting England. The only problem was that he couldn’t speak English. Undeterred by this minor setback, Carolino decided to base his guide on a respected Portuguese–French phrasebook written by José da Fonseca. He took the French translations of Portuguese, and used a French–English dictionary to translate those to English.
The result was an unintentional comedy of literal translation, as English phrases like “the walls have ears” became “the walls have hearsay” (via the Portuguese as paredes têm ouvidos), and “waiting for someone to open the door” became “to craunch the marmoset” (via a ridiculous misreading of archaic English, and the shape of the grotesque door knockers popular at the time).
The entire guide was quite large, and not only was it of no practical use as an actual phrasebook, but its length made it too much of a slog to appeal as a comedy. But its legend slowly grew, until in 1883 it was republished in an abridged form as a book of humor titled English as She Is Spoke (a phrase which, incidentally, doesn’t appear in the book itself). The abridged edition, taking the comedic highlights from the long and tedious original, is the edition that became famous. This Standard Ebooks edition is based on that abridgment.
The book’s absurd mistranslations were said to have made Lincoln laugh aloud when read to him by his secretary John Hay, and Mark Twain said that “nobody can add to the absurdity of this book, nobody can imitate it successfully, nobody can hope to produce its fellow; it is perfect.”
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- Author: Pedro Carolino
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What you say of the comedy? Have her succeded? It was a drama; it was whistted to the third scene of the last act.
Because that?
It whant the vehicle, and the intrigue it was bad conducted.
So that they won’t waited even the upshot?
No, it was divined. In the mean time them did diliver justice to the players which generaly have play very well.
At the exception by a one’s self, who had land very much hir’s part.
It want to have not any indulgence towards the bat buffoons.
Have you seen already the new tragedy? They praise her very much.
It is multitude already.
Never I had seen the parlour so full.
This actor he make very well her part.
That piece is full of interest.
It have wondered the spectadors.
The curtains let down.
Go out us.
The Hunting
There is it some game in this wood?
Another time there was plenty some black beasts and thin game, but the poachers have killed almost all.
Look a hare who run! let do him to pursue for the hounds! it go one’s self in the ploughed land.
Here that it rouse. Let aim it! let make fire him!
I have put down killed.
Me, I have failed it; my gun have miss fixe.
I see a hind.
Let leave to pass away, don’t disturte it.
I have heard that it is plenty pardridges this year.
Have you killed also some thrushes.
Here certainly a very good hunting.
The Fishing
That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.
I do like-it too much.
Here, there is a wand and some hooks.
Silence! there is a superb perch! Give me quick the rod. Ah! there is, it is a lamprey.
You mistake you, it is a frog! dip again it in the water.
With a Furniture Tradesman
It seems no me new.
Pardon me, it comes workman’s hands.
Which hightness want you its?
I want almost four feet six thumbs wide’s, over seven of long.
For Embarking One’s Self
Don’t you fear the privateers!
I jest of them; my vessel is armed in man of war, I have a vigilant and courageous equipage, and the ammunitions don’t want me its.
Never have you not done wreck?
That it is arrived me twice.
With a Gardener
Shall I eat some plums soon?
It is not the season yet; but here is some peaches what does ripen at the eye sight.
It delay me to eat some wal nuts-kernels; take care not leave to pass the season.
Be tranquil, I shall throw you any nuts during the shell is green yet.
The artichoks grow its?
I have a particular care of its, because I know you like the bottoms.
It must to cup the trees.
It should pull the bad grasses up.
The Books and of the Reading
Do you like the reading good deal too many which seem me?
That is to me a amusement.
The Field
All the fields that you see thither were been neglected; it must I shall grub up and to plough its.
The ground seems me a little scour with sand and yet it may one make it bring up; I want be fumed time by time.
The Writing
Your pens have any notches, and its spit.
How do you like its? will you its are fine or broad?
I won’t me also a wafer or some sealing wax and a seal.
In this drawer, there is all that, falding stick, rule, scraper, saud, etc.
There is the postman I go to put it him again.
With a Bookseller
What is there in new’s litterature?
Little or almost nothing, it not appears any thing of note.
And yet one imprint many deal.
But why, you and another book seller, you does not to imprint some good wooks?
There is a reason for that, it is that you cannot to sell its. The actual-liking of the public is depraved they does not read who for to amuse one’s self ant but to instruct one’s.
But the letter’s men who cultivate the arts and the sciences they can’t to pass without the books.
A little learneds are happies enough for to may to satisfy their fancies on the literature.
Have you found the Buffon who I had call for?
I have only been able to procure the octo-decimo edition, which is embellished with plates beautifully coloured.
With a Dentist
I have the teetht-ache.
Is it a fluxion, or have you a bad tooth?
I think that is a bad tooth; please you to examine my mouth?
You have a bad tooth; will you pull out this tooth?
I can’t to decide me it, that make me many great deal pain.
Your tooth is absolutely roted; if you leave it; shall spoil the others.
In such case draw it.
I shall you neat also your mouth, and you could care entertain it clean, for to preserve the mamel of the teeth; I could give you a opiate for to strengthen the gums.
I thank you; I prefer the only means, which is to rinse the mouth with some water, or a little brandy.
With a Laundress
Who lhat be too washed, too many soaped, and the shirts put through the buck.
You may be sure; never I do else.
For to Swim
I row upon the belly on the back and between two waters.
I am not so dexte rous that you.
Nothing is more easy than to swim; it do not what don’t to be afraid of.
The French Language
Do you study?
Yes, sir, I attempts to translate of french by portuguese.
Do you know already the principal grammars rules?
I am appleed my self at to learn its by heart.
Do speak french alwais?
Some times; though I flay it yet.
You jest, you does express you self very well.
Familiar LettersRacine to M. Vitart
My uncle what will to treat her beshop in a great sumptuouness, he was go Avignon for to buy what one not should find there, and he had leave me the charge to provide all things. I have excellent business, as you see, and I know some thing more than to eat my soup, since I know do to prepare it. I did learn that it must give to the first, to second, and
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