The Bookshop of Second Chances by Jackie Fraser (best life changing books .TXT) 📕

‘I just, well, I thought…’

I’m eating duck now, and it’s delicious. I certainly can’t argue with the food here – it’s great. Not terribly exciting, maybe, but well constructed and cooked. I suppose they know their audience. It’s not somewhere you’d want to be wildly innovative.

‘Yes?’

He sighs. ‘I don’t know. Everything you’ve said is perfectly reasonable. Maybe I should be trying to meet someone I can… It’s not very romantic though, is it? I may as well put an ad in the paper: “Wife Required”. I’ve been putting it off. It didn’t go well – it hasn’t gone well – when I’ve done it before. And you’re… I think you’re…’ He sighs again. ‘I don’t know. Maybe you’re right to question my motives.’

‘I’m just a bit… suspicious? Sadly, the world doesn’t usually offer opportunities like this to women my age, unless the men in question are considerably older. But you’re only two years older than me, aren’t you? And I’m not beautiful, or rich, and I just happen to own land adjacent to the park at Hollinshaw; and although I know you want the Lodge, you don’t need to fuck me to get it.’

He chokes on his roast beef. I watch, amused, as he coughs, red-faced, and drinks more water. When his eyes have stopped streaming, I say, ‘Sorry, that was my fault.’

‘No, no. Well.’ He smiles, maybe the first genuinely full-on convincing smile I’ve seen from him. ‘It was your fault, but I don’t mind. It’s… That’s not what this is about.’

‘Good.’

‘I mean, I’m not trying to acquire the Lodge. I want it, yes, but that’s not why I asked you to have dinner.’

‘You see why I might suspect you though.’

‘Yes.’

‘And if I was having dinner with you because I thought you liked me, I might be concerned you have all sorts of motives that aren’t really about me.’

‘Yes. But–’

‘But luckily for you, I don’t mind,’ I say. ‘Because although you’re perfectly nice, and very pleasant company, I’m not in the market for boyfriends, or gentlemen companions, or even just sex.’

‘You’re not?’

I laugh. ‘No.’

‘That’s… um.’

‘What?’

‘It’s disappointing.’

‘Is it? After everything I’ve said?’

‘Well,’ he says, suddenly less awkward, ‘I’d rather you didn’t think those things. But I still find you very…’ He pauses, choosing his words carefully. ‘Appealing.’

‘Appealing. That’s nice.’

‘I’ve been divorced twice,’ he says. ‘I think my second marriage was a mistake. Not just because of what happened. I tried to stop that happening, but I failed. I used to think that was Carolyn’s fault, or my brother’s – but really I suppose it was mine.’

‘I’m no expert, but it was probably everyone’s.’

‘You know about all that?’

‘Some of it,’ I admit, cautiously.

‘And the rest? You know he followed me around, for years, sleeping with my girlfriends?’

‘Mostly ex-girlfriends, surely?’

‘Just as upsetting though, if I’m honest.’ He looks at the tablecloth. ‘People seemed to think it was funny. It isn’t pleasant when people compare you, even if it’s supposed to be a joke.’

I shrug. ‘I don’t imagine it is. But you can see why I was a bit suspicious about this meal.’

‘You think I’d do the same. But you said you’re not… that you haven’t… with Edward?’

‘No. But I was still… wary.’

They’re clearing the plates again and asking if we want to see the dessert menu. I do, of course, even though I hardly ever have dessert.

‘I feel as though I’ve spoiled the evening,’ he says.

‘Oh no, not at all. I’m enjoying myself.’ I smile encouragingly. ‘And it’s best to get everything out in the open, isn’t it?’

Eighteen

I’m late to work this morning, due to a dentist’s appointment. I’m proud of myself for proactively booking a check-up even though I don’t live here. Because Baldochrie isn’t a very big place, I’ve met the dentist Louise and her assistant Bonnie before, once at an evening thing at the Old Mill, and once at Jenny and Alastair’s. I didn’t know my previous dentist socially, so it’s a bit odd. And they always ask you questions, don’t they, when your mouth is open and you can’t answer. Fortunately all is well. She bullies me slightly into making a hygienist’s appointment and then releases me back into the world. I hurry along the high street, keen to reach the shop before ten. It’s about nine-forty, so I expect the shop to be open, but it isn’t. I fish through my handbag for the key and unlock the door. Pulling up the blind and looking round, I see the lamps are off and so is the laptop.

‘Edward?’ I call, tentatively. No answer. He must have overslept. First time for everything. I know he’s home – his car’s outside. I put my bag away and turn on the computer, and then go round the shop switching on the lights. I put the kettle on and stand at the foot of the stairs for a moment, listening. I can hear him moving around upstairs, so he’s not dead, at least.

‘Hello?’

‘Thea?’

‘No, I’m a burglar what has broken in. I am stealing everything.’

‘Oh okay, carry on,’ he says, coming down the stairs. He’s eating something from a bowl, and his hair is wet. ‘Sorry. Slept late.’ He looks exhausted, eyes shadowed.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah. Bit of a dake.’

‘Oh, poor you. Is it bad? Have you taken pills? I just put the kettle on – d’you want a cuppa?’

‘Go and get a proper coffee, would you? Take some money from the till,’ he says. ‘Get yourself one as well.’

‘Right-oh. Anything else?’

He sighs. ‘If there’s any chance of a bacon sarnie…’

‘I’ll see. It’s a bit late for bacon at The Old Mill.’

‘Beg Cerys for a favour.’

I laugh. ‘Okay. If they don’t have any, I could buy some from the butcher’s for you.’

‘You’re an angel.’

I roll my eyes. ‘Flap flap,’ I say.

‘Operation Bacon Sandwich is go,’ I tell him, putting the greasy bag on the counter. ‘Also, coffee.’

‘Oh God, thank you.’

‘No worries. Hangover?’

‘No.’ He takes the sandwich and turns away.

I hoist myself up onto the counter and take