The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

me?” he asked.  I shook my head hard, because I meant it the other way around, but that made me wobble and almost fall off the bed.  “Woah, there.”  Ben caught my shoulders.  “Disagree less violently.”

I let him place me back on the pillow.  The room seemed to spin less.  “You don’t respect me,” I announced.  “You think I’m dumb.  I know it, ok?  I know I’m not good at things.  I know all I’ve got are boobs and legs.”

“What?  What are you saying about your legs?”  Someone knocked, and a voice drifted in saying that she needed her coat to go home.  “Hang on,” Ben called back.  He gathered up the pile of outerwear that I’d pushed onto the floor, opened the bedroom door, and dumped it into the hallway.  “There you go,” I heard him announce.

I had closed my eyes.  “My mom always says I have a short shelf life.  Looks don’t last, so I have to make them count while I’m young.  Young-ish,” I corrected.  “I’m the oldest girl in the studio, and I don’t even mean the Tumblin’ Tots! studio.  My expiration date is coming pretty quick.”

“Wait, what about tots?  Are you talking about groceries  expiring or do you mean yourself?  I can hear about every third word, Gaby.”

“Anthony got the brains.  He’s very successful.  He’s so successful that I don’t even know what his business is!”

“Gaby, now you’re yelling—”

“My ankle is going to be just fine, no matter what you think,” I said angrily.  I turned on my side and yanked at the blanket.  “I’m going to be a success, too, even if it is just shaking my tits like Marley says!  Oh, I didn’t mean to use that word.  I’ll be on TV and my mom will be proud and Shep will see me and miss me and feel sorry for dumping me, but of course, it would have been worse if we’d stayed together.  I couldn’t do that!  Just ask Francie!  She’s right in the living room!”

“I’ve really lost what we’re talking about.  But what you said, about me not respecting you—”

“At least Kayden thinks I’m pretty.  But he would think anyone with tits is pretty.  I said it again!  I hate that word.  Tomorrow, I’m going to be sorry that I talked to you like this,” I told him, with sudden clarity.  “I’m already sorry.  I shouldn’t have said that about Shep and Francie.  And you can’t help the way you feel!  You don’t have to respect me, or want to be my friend like you said you did, but I wish you would.  I wish you didn’t think that I’m boring and all I have is a lot of hair.  Do you think I have a good body, at least?  I wish you thought that.  It would be something.”

“Jesus.  Gaby, did you hear me say that to my brother?  Is that why you’ve been so upset with me?  I didn’t mean those things.  You didn’t understand.  If I didn’t say that to Kayden, he would have thought there was something between you and me.  It would have been like issuing a challenge to him.  There’s a lot of history that you don’t know with me and my brother and—”

“It doesn’t matter,” I interrupted.  “You’re my boss, that’s all.  You don’t even want to be in the same room with me, so I don’t know why you’re here now.  You should go.  Just go, please.”  My throat hurt a little because maybe I’d been yelling.  “Just go,” I whispered.  “Please.”

The mattress jostled as he stood.  “When you think about this tomorrow,” Ben said, “don’t be sorry.  I hope you understand how I acted now.  I’m glad you talked to me.”

I understood him perfectly.  He’d gotten caught saying something mean and he was trying to blame his brother, so fine.  And I had talked enough for my whole life.  I turned over the other way and the bed rocked and rolled beneath me.  I felt the blanket cover me and hands tuck it in, but I had closed my eyes and was trying very hard to make myself go to sleep.

Chapter 11

“Leave in a group or in pairs, at least,” Coach Sam reminded us, and we all looked at each other nervously.  The police weren’t saying anything about what had happened at Rylah’s house, except that the “blood” on her door turned out to be a mix of red food coloring and corn syrup.  But even if it hadn’t been real blood, we were all on edge about it.  Today after stretching, Parys had dropped her water bottle, and all of us had jumped at least a foot into the air.

“Oh, Parys?” Coach Sam said now.  “Rylah and I need to talk to you back in the office.”

She started to cry immediately, even as the coaches disappeared from the studio.  “I didn’t mean to drop it!  It was an accident!” she told us all.

“They’re not cutting you because you dropped your bottle,” Addison told her, and Parys brightened a little.  She lost that when Addison continued, “They’re cutting you because it’s May and things are real now.  They only want people who are serious contenders.”  She made a little face as she looked around at us, like not everyone in our group would be included in that list.  “No matter what Rylah said before, I’m pretty sure they’ll only make four more cuts after someone goes home for good today,” she said, and raised her eyebrows at Parys, who missed this look as she blew her nose.

Addison went on to name all the trainees who remained from the first audition, counting on her fingers as she spoke.  “Me, Jayden, Bexley, Macy, Nadira, Caitlyn, Nicole, Tiara.  And you, Gaby.  From more than a hundred-fifty girls, now it’s down to just the nine of us.”  Yes, me, Gaby.  I couldn’t believe that I was still here, still in the running.  Addison hadn’t even bothered to include Parys in that