The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

He’s tried to make it up to me a thousand times but we haven’t been close since then.  We’ve hardly even seen each other.”

“But he came to you now, when he needed you,” I pointed out, and Ben nodded.

“I won’t turn my back on him, even if I don’t trust him anymore.”

“Could you ever fix it?  Could you get that back?” I asked.

“Kayden and I…it’s always been hard.  It’s always been a competition.”  He turned his face, pressing his cheek into my hand.  “He’s always tried to better me.  I think maybe that’s why it happened between him and my wife.  Maybe he wanted to win her, too—no, not like he had planned it deliberately, but that competition was always there between us and maybe it affected how he acted.  I don’t know.  I try not to think about it, not anymore.”

“But you said you forgave him.”

“I forgave them both,” he told me.  “Marin and I stayed married and tried to move past it, but I couldn’t forget.  My wife said that she was sorry and that it didn’t mean anything, but every time I looked at her, I thought about her making the choice to betray me.  Once you see that in someone, you see that lack of character that allowed her to cheat, you can’t ever forget it.”

“Lack of character,” I echoed.

“I mean that there’s something missing in a person who could disregard a vow like that.  When we got married and I spoke those words in the church to her, I meant them.  I wasn’t the husband that she expected and I wasn’t around enough.  That’s my fault, and I’m sorry every day that I helped to end our marriage.  But I never could have done what she did to me.  Cheating is immoral.  It’s just wrong.”

I felt myself nodding, because I did agree.  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.  I was so sorry.

“I’m sorry I reacted that way in the house when I saw you with Kayden.”  He stepped toward me, even closer.  “I probably shouldn’t have told you all our history, either.  It’s not something I ever talk about.  Despite everything I just said, my brother isn’t a bad guy but I think he would end up hurting you.  Not on purpose, but because he doesn’t think about other people and their feelings when he wants something.”

I nodded again.  That was a terrible failing, to go after your own pleasure at the expense of someone else.  A lack of character.  Immoral, and just wrong.  My stomach twisted like I was going to be sick.

“I was trying to keep him away from you, Gaby, because I don’t want anyone to hurt you.  I worry about you in your rehearsals, dancing on that ankle, and it’s just your leg.  I wouldn’t want anyone to break your heart.  That would be so much worse.”

I bent my head so that it rested against his shirt, against his chest, and he put his arms around me to hold me there.  It felt so good, so perfect.  His body loosened and relaxed against mine even as his arms gathered me tighter.  I let my eyes close and breathed him in.

Why?  Why had Kayden done that to him?  Why had his wife?  Why had I done that to Shep’s family?  I was Marin, I realized.  I was the same as the woman who had betrayed Ben, and he was right: it was so much worse than any physical injury, worse than what drove him out of football.  He wouldn’t want me near him if he knew.

I stepped back and he dropped his arms.  “I have to go.”

“Daddy?” Tessa called from the porch.  “Gaby, are you staying?” she asked happily.

“No, kitty cat.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” I called.  I took my keys from Ben, my fingers brushing against his wrist, and I made myself leave.  Before I even got out of the driveway, I was crying in the car that had made me so happy just a few hours before.

∞

“I’m re-imagining the contours of the business.  It’s a transformative experience.”

My eyes shifted between my brother, who looked earnest; my sister-in-law, who looked smug; my nephew, who was just bored; and my mom, who seemed as confused as I was.  “I think I understand you, Anthony,” she said carefully.  “You’re looking for new, uh, opportunities?”

“Are you job hunting?” I asked.  “I thought you were trading currency, and doing consulting.  You’re switching to something else?”

My brother shook his head.  “I’m not ‘switching,’ I’m diversifying, Gaby.  I’m acting longitudinally to disrupt my current structure.”

What?  I shook my head to clear those words from it.  “But you were already doing so many things, like energy markets, and futures, and executive coaching, right?  How will you have time to act longitudinally and disrupt stuff?”

My sister-in-law laughed.  “At least you’ve been paying attention to what he tells you,” she said to me, smirking.  “Good job!”  Then she raised her eyebrows at my mom.  “She’s learning, Suzanne.”

It felt like she was going to toss a treat to me, and I wasn’t a dog.  I opened my mouth to say that but then glanced at my nephew.  It wasn’t a good thing to fight in front of him, and anyway, there was no point in arguing against all three of them, always a united front.  Also, Kristi was right that I wasn’t a quick learner.  My grades had always demonstrated that.

“What are you doing to expand your professional portfolio, Gaby?” Anthony asked me.

I was surprised that he didn’t want to talk about his own diversification anymore.  “Um, the expansion is going fine,” I answered carefully.  “A lot of expansion.”  Hallie had been all over me about this for the last few weeks, too.

“I don’t get why you’re not moving forward with opening your business,” she had finally exploded.  “Why aren’t you getting anything done?”  And I didn’t have a good answer for her.  I certainly didn’t have one for my family right now, either.  I decided to change topics, away from “Gaby isn’t