The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

on the couch and brought up my leg, trying to make it look like I was just relaxing after the long day and not that it was because my ankle was throbbing with unrelenting pain.  Tessa lay down next to me and curled into a ball, her face on my shoulder.  “Tired?” I asked quietly, and she nodded and patted my neck.

“You don’t seem that surprised about Kayden,” Ben continued, staring at me.

“Well, I saw him during the party, and he was…maybe not himself.”  I looked down significantly at Tessa, and her dad picked her up.

“Come into your room and look at your new toys,” he suggested, and a moment later, he was back.  “I think she’s going to fall asleep.”  He paused.  “Well?  What does it mean that my brother wasn’t ‘himself?’”

“I think he had been drinking,” I said carefully.

“He had been,” Ben admitted, and sighed.  “He called an old friend yesterday, a guy who used to be an equipment manager or something for the team, and they went out together last night and into the morning.”  Ben sank down next to me and looked at my ankle.  “This looks worse.  Why?”  He didn’t wait for an answer but stood right up and went into the kitchen.  “There,” he said when he came back, and put my legs across his lap and applied a bag of frozen corn to me.

“Thank you.”  I tried to unstiffen and relax against him as I had before when we’d sat like this, but I was so tense that my muscles felt like they had steel rods in them.

“When did you see my brother?  Did you run into him when he was leaving?  What did he say?”

“Oh, no, well, I saw him before.  I heard him kind of groan, so I checked on him.  He was fine.”

“Gaby.  Look at me.”  I did.  “Is that why you were upset when you came out of the house?  Right before I served the cupcakes that you pretended to eat?”  I shrugged a little.  “What did Kayden do?”

“He wasn’t himself,” I said again.  “He made, um, advances.  Strong advances.”

Now I felt Ben’s muscles tense beneath my legs.  “Did he touch you?”

“Well, he did, until I had him stop.  He did stop, because he was in a bit of pain.”  And I gingerly had to explain the use of my knee.

“You had to do that to get him off you,” Ben said slowly.

“No, I think he might have anyway, but…but, yes.  He wasn’t listening to me.  I shouldn’t have gone into his room.”

“You can go wherever you want, and he didn’t have any right to lay one finger on you.  Is that why your ankle is worse now?  Because you kneed him?”

“I think it’s because of how I stepped on his foot.  That’s a good technique but I should have used the other leg.”

“I’m sorry.  Mother fu—gravy,” he said, and reached for me.  “Come here, ok?”  Ben carefully pulled me to a sit and then onto his lap.  Like, I was sitting on his lap.  His long fingers gently pressed my head against his shoulder and his arm cradled me to his body.  “I’m so sorry.  I can’t believe that happened in my house, with me twenty yards away.  Were you scared, honey?  Did he hurt you at all?”

I shook my head, which meant that I was nuzzling into his neck, scratching softly against the afternoon brush of beard there.  His warmth, his strength, his closeness, his delicious smell—it made it hard for me to get enough oxygen, so when I answered, my voice came out trembling and breathy.  “I’m fine.  He really wasn’t thinking.  Or, he was thinking that I wanted it, too.”

“Don’t defend him.”  His arm tightened.  “He’s so much bigger than you.  I didn’t know he had that in him.  I’m done with Kayden.  I’ll never—”

As hard as it was, I pulled myself away from Ben’s embrace to sit up and look at him.  “Don’t say that.  Don’t say ‘never.’  He’s your brother and you won’t ever get another.  Let him figure himself out and talk to you before you cut him out of your life.”

“You’re pretty generous.”

“No, I don’t think I am.  I just understand that people can make mistakes.  Right?  Someone could do something that you think is terrible.  Immoral, even!  But it wouldn’t be what defined her.  I mean, him.  She—I mean, he could be very sorry.  And maybe, it was a one-time lapse, not a signal that she—he—is an awful person who can’t be redeemed.”

Ben swept his fingertips across my cheek.  “You are generous, a lot more than I am.  That’s a very sweet quality.”  His face was close enough to mine that I felt his breath warm my skin.  He looked at my mouth, and I could imagine his lips pressing against mine.  How would it really feel?  As good as I’d dreamed about?  A rush of emotion made me almost dizzy.  Maybe this could work between us, I thought.  Maybe there could be something more between Ben and me.  Maybe he would be able to see that things could be fixed!  I wanted that so much, I started to shake.

“Don’t you think that’s true?” I asked him.  “Don’t you think that people deserve a chance for redemption?”  My voice sounded low and husky.

“I think I learned another lesson about that today,” he answered slowly, and I waited, holding my breath.  People could be better.  I could be better.  Yes.

“No,” Ben said.  “No, I don’t think that’s true.  I see now that I shouldn’t have forgiven my brother after what he did with my wife, because once someone has shown you who he is, you have to believe it.  You have to believe someone’s actions over a bunch of empty words.”

I nodded.  Empty words.  There wasn’t any point in saying any more of them.  I pulled back, away from his gaze and from his beautiful lips.  “Will you tell Tessa bye for me, and happy birthday again?  I need to get