The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

bring myself to talk to her.  My head hadn’t really stopped aching since that night.  And since Ben had told me about his wife and Kayden, every time I looked at him, I felt my heart constrict, too.  I was an imposter, a hypocrite, a liar.  I was so, so sorry, so swamped with regrets that it was almost hard to breathe.

“What?” Ben asked me.  “If your ankle feels ok, then why do you have that look on your face?”

I turned it into a smile.  “Look at Tessa!” I told him, and he turned and laughed out loud to see her running with her new butterfly wings on her back, trying to take off into the air.

Tessa’s party was better than anything I’d ever had at my condo, better than any frat party in college, or any drunken beach fire in high school.  I smiled, a real one, as I watched her and the other kids have so much fun and as I watched Ben lead games, sing songs, and apply band-aids.  My heart seemed to flutter like Tessa’s new wings when my eyes were on him, or even when I heard his voice.

“He’s so hands-on,” Meena’s mother marveled to me.  “Is he really like this all the time?  By the way, where’s the bathroom?”

“He’s an amazing father,” I said proudly, as if I had something to do with it.  “I’ll show you the way.”  She took Meena’s hand and I led them into the house.  I paused again before I went outside, stopping momentarily in front of Kayden’s door.  When I did, I heard what sounded like a groan.  Like somebody in pain.  Sure, he was a big jerk for hurting his brother, but I wouldn’t leave somebody groaning.

“Kayden?”  I knocked softly, and I heard him make that sound again.  “Kayden?”  I pushed on the door and it swung open, creaking and scraping on the ground like all the doors in this house so that everyone knew when you were coming or going (“Plenty of privacy!” I thought suddenly, expanding my real estate listing).  “Are you ok?” I called into the guest room.

“Mom?” a scratchy voice answered.  The room was pitch dark, even on this sunny May afternoon, and he sounded confused and groggy.

“Kayden, it’s Gaby.”  I flipped on the light.  He was sitting on the edge of the bed in his underwear, which were very small and very, very tight.

“I was having a dream,” he mumbled.

The room smelled.  It reeked of unwashed clothes, of unwashed man, and of booze.  He must have been drinking, and not just a little.  My nose crinkled against the odor.  “You should get up and take a shower,” I advised.  “Tessa is having her birthday party now.  There are a lot of people outside and you can’t be in your…”  I pointed to the itsy-bitsy piece of cloth covering just the one small area of his long body.  “It’s a children’s party,” I reminded him.

“I heard you, this morning,” he said.  “I heard you talking to Tess and Ben and laughing.”

Decorating the house with them had been really fun, especially the part where Ben had picked me up with his big hands spanning my waist, so I could hang streamers.  “We didn’t mean to wake you.  But it was after nine o’clock,” I added pointedly.

Kayden stood and wobbled, a lot.  I quickly stepped to him with my hands out, like I would be able to catch him if he fell.  “Are you ok?” I asked.

He reached and grabbed my fingers, and then he pulled me flush against his body.  “Gaby.  I’m glad you came.”

“No, I’m not here for that,” I said, because one of his hands was now on my butt.  “Let me go.”

“Mmm.”  He buried his face in my hair.  “Fuck, you’re hot.  We’re going to be great together.”

“No.”  I yanked back against his grasp.  “I said no.  Kayden, let me go!”  He squeezed my butt and I stomped as hard as I could on his instep, driving the heel of my patent leather wedge into his bare foot.  And when he yelled and his hands loosened, I did what I’d told Ben I would do: I kneed Kayden in the privates, using all the strong muscles I’d built up from the weeks of cheerleader practice.

He didn’t yell this time; he just fell back on the bed, his face locked in agony.  He kind of moaned, or more like, a soft wail.

“I told you no!” I said, my voice shaking.  “I told you no, and you should have listened.”  I backed up to the door, my ankle screaming in agony since I’d just used the foot under it as a weapon.  “You’re a big, big…jerk,” I said, and I meant it.  “You really are.  I don’t like you at all!  You were terrible to your brother and you messed with his wife and now, when I said no, you kept grabbing me!  And that makes you…yes, I’ll say it again!  A big jerk!”

I wiped under my eyes, mad at myself for crying and for being scared, and mad at Kayden.  Very, very mad at Kayden.

Tessa came running once I was back outside.  “Gaby, can you fix my hair?” she asked, holding the elastic that had come off of the bottom of one braid.

“Sure I can, kitty cat.  Come here for a sec, ok?”  I hugged her, giving her an extra squeeze.  “I hope this is a fun party for you.”

“It’s so fun!  We’re going to have cupcakes next and then they brought me presents!”

I re-wove her French braid and she chatted excitedly about the party.  I let myself rest my cheek against her curls for a moment when I was done, and when I opened my eyes, Ben was watching us.

As the last guest left, waving wildly out the back window from his car seat as Tessa waved back, Ben made the discovery that his brother had gone, too.

“His room is empty and his stuff is missing,” he told me.

“Oh.”  I sat