The Hardest Cut by Jamie Bennett (book club recommendations .TXT) 📕

in the shoe department of an outlet store for nearly an hour while I thought over my purchase, until the salespeople had gotten concerned and asked me if I had anywhere to go for the night.

“Well, I like baby dolls the most, but if I had the raincoat girl with the suitcase, we could do her hair,” she considered.  “I would like to do braids like you make for me.”  It was a tough puzzle.  Finally, she decided that she didn’t need another cue-ball baby and would ask her dad for a girl with long hair for us to play with.

“Sounds good,” I agreed.  We walked to the parking lot holding hands.  “What would you think about having some other kids over to celebrate your birthday with us?”

“Like a birthday party?”

“A little one.  We could play hide and seek,” I tempted, because that was her favorite game.  “We could make bracelets with the string I brought over last week, and have cupcakes.”

“Daddy’s cupcakes?” she asked doubtfully.

“Yes, I wouldn’t make them,” I assured her.  “Birthday parties are usually really fun.”

“Do you have them?”

“I have, before.”  I’d had some major parties in the past, but not this year.  I didn’t find much to celebrate about turning twenty-five next week.  “I’d love to come to your party.”

She thought about that while we were in the car, and I turned up the radio and sang quietly to give her some time.  Finally she said, “I don’t want to wear a hat.  Do I have to?”

“No.  We’ll do what you want, because it’s your birthday.”  I waited.  “Could we invite Ana Belén over and maybe a few other kids?”  I watched her as we sat at a red light, and saw the nod.  “Ok, cool.  I’ll work on that.  Would it be ok for me to decorate the house, to make it fancy with balloons and that kind of thing?”  Another nod, and also a little smile.  “Awesome!  I’m on it.”

I was thrilled that she wanted to have kids over for a party.  She had come so far out of her shell!  Her birthday was going to be so fun, I could hardly contain my excitement.  It would be much better than my own party, which had taken me three days to clean up from.  And I’d missed half of it, anyway, because I’d fallen asleep in my bedroom after I’d talked to Ben.

I felt burning shame rise in my face when I thought of him and all the dumb things I had said that night.  Ugh.  I had told him about my father’s affairs?  I had admitted that I’d overheard him insulting me to his brother?  I thought that I’d even talked about Shep, but fortunately, I also thought I’d been out of it enough so that I hadn’t made a lot of sense.

Even so, I’d been the one avoiding him this week, keeping Tessa with me at all times so he couldn’t corner me alone if he wanted to continue our discussion.  I had nothing more to say to him, since I’d already vomited all those words like Caitlyn and her apple martinis, and I certainly didn’t want to hear him try to explain away the mean things he’d said to Kayden.  Actually, I never wanted to think about the things he’d said, not ever again.  Just a lot of hair...no, don’t think about it.

Tessa and I spent a lot of time once we got home talking about the party, and she carefully made a to-do list, sounding out the words and using a few lowercase letters, even.  It was very impressive, but she and Ben had been working a lot on letters and numbers, reading and basic math, to get her ready for kindergarten.  He was such a good dad…no, no more about Ben.

But we heard the familiar slam, and there he was, striding up onto the porch, followed by his brother.

“I have to show Daddy our ideas!” Tessa told me excitedly.  “Daddy, come see!” she said when they walked in the house.  He picked her up for kisses but she bucked and leaned. “Come to my room and look at what Gaby and me are doing!  For my birthday!”

“Ok, yes, you crazy kitty cat,” he said, smiling at her, but then he glanced over at me.  I looked at my purse.  “Hi, Gaby.”  I gave him a quick wave and examined a little snag in my tights.  “Your car’s fixed?  Looks good,” he commented.  I nodded and studied a nail that needed filing.  I rubbed it with my thumb.  “How’s your ankle?” Ben asked.  “Did you rest it today at practice?”  He’d been urging me to, every time I gave him the chance to talk to me.

“My ankle feels fine.”  It was killing me, currently, and I needed some ice, but I wasn’t going to do that in front of anyone.  I’d been getting through the week and dancing on it and I wasn’t crying from the pain, which was a hugely positive step, in my opinion.  I held up my leg to demonstrate its fitness and both Kayden’s and Ben’s eyes swept up it to the hem of my skirt.  Ben was probably checking for additional damage.

“Daddy!” Tessa urged, patting his cheek, and they went back to her bedroom together.

“Ok, well, see you,” I told Kayden, but then I paused and took another look at how he was slumped on the couch, elbows on his knees, head down.  “Um, is everything ok?  Are you all right?”

He looked up and I saw him swallow.  “I talked to my agent today, a long talk.  It doesn’t seem like I’ll get signed to another team for next season.  Not even as a backup.”

I sank down next to him on the couch.  “Oh, gravy.  I’m sorry.  That’s really rough.”

Kayden snorted a little.  “Yeah, rough.”  He rested his forehead in his hands.  “Ben’s furious.  I disappointed him again.”

“That’s ok.  He’ll calm down.  He loves you so much!” I told Kayden.

He snorted again.  “Yeah, he loves