Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

so badly to tell her I knew what love was because she was the love of my life. But the moment came to an abrupt halt when someone knocked on the passenger window.

Will.

I shut my eyes. Fuck.

Molly’s face was somber. “Thank you again so much for coming, Declan.”

I lifted her hand to my lips and kissed the top. “Of course. I’ll always be here for you, sweetheart.”

CHAPTER 30

Molly

“Are we okay?”

I stopped tracing figure eights in the condensation on the bottom of my glass and looked up at Will. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

He smiled sadly. “Come here.” We’d been sitting next to each other on my couch, and he gave my arm a little tug and pulled me onto his lap. Pushing a lock of hair from my face, he looked into my eyes. “Is everything okay with us?”

“Yeah, sure. Why wouldn’t it be?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. You’ve been distant. I know it’s only been a week and a half since your dad passed, and you have every right to be down, but for some reason, I feel like it’s more than that.”

I had felt off lately. And while a lot of that obviously had to do with my father, some of it also had to do with Declan. I hadn’t heard from him in the days after the funeral, and when I’d finally checked in, he wasn’t his normal self. His messages were polite and all, but sort of distant. Which made me realize my concern for Declan seemed an awful lot like Will’s concern for me.

I hated to lie to Will, but I also didn’t think I should share my concerns about another man, especially Declan. So I went with a partial truth. “I’m sorry if I’ve seemed far away. Losing my dad has led me to a lot of thinking, and I feel like it’s hard to escape my head—if that makes any sense.”

“Of course it does. But I hope you know I’m here to talk, if you want to try to work out some of whatever is on your mind—no matter what the subject.”

“I do know that, Will. You’ve been amazing through this—so patient and supportive.”

He cupped my cheeks. “That’s because I love you.”

This was now the third time Will had said he loved me, and I hadn’t returned the sentiment. I felt more and more pressure to say it back, but I couldn’t without being sure.

I turned my face in his hand and kissed his palm. “Thank you.”

A little while later, Will had to go to the hospital for his shift, so we said goodnight. After I shut the door, I felt a little relieved to be alone. I could stare off into space as much as I wanted; I wouldn’t have to pretend I was okay or explain why I wasn’t. So I poured myself a glass of wine, hoping it would help me unwind, and picked up the photo album that had been sitting on the living room coffee table since before my dad’s wake. My little sister had made photo collages to display at the services, so I’d borrowed an old family album from my mom with pictures of my dad and me.

I sighed as I flipped through the pages—my father and me fishing, my father trying to teach me how to play softball, my father with nail polish painted halfway up his fingers because he’d let four-year-old me give him a manicure. Mom, Dad, my older sister, and me pumpkin picking—page after page of memories I hadn’t remembered from my childhood. When I got toward the end, warm tears slid down my face. And when I turned the very last page, I saw a photo I definitely hadn’t been expecting.

Instead of more family pictures, it was a piece of paper with a selfie of Declan printed on it. He was making a funny face with his eyes crossed, cheeks hollowed out, and his lips puckered. He was also holding up a three-pound bag of M&Ms. I laughed out loud reading the note scribbled next to the photo.

Dry your eyes, my beautiful girl. I know it wasn’t easy flipping through those pages. But you made it, so you deserve a reward. Now get your lazy butt up and look under the couch.

Amused, I practically jumped out of my seat and crouched down. Sure enough, there was an unopened, three-pound bag of M&Ms. Snatching them up, I sat back on the couch and took out my phone to text Declan.

Molly: I just found my M&Ms! How did you know I’d need them, and when did you put them under my couch?

A few minutes later, the dots on my phone started to jump around, and I got more excited than I’d been in weeks.

Declan: I did it when I was home for the funeral last week—before you woke up. Are those the only ones you found so far?

Home. Yet again, he’d referred to here as his home. I wondered if he realized it.

Molly: I’ve found the loose ones you hid. But this is the only one with a picture of you. Are there more?

Declan: I guess you’ll figure that out at some point…

I laughed and started to text back. But at the last minute, instead of pressing send, I hit call.

“Did you believe the green ones made you horny?” he said in greeting, rather than hello.

I chuckled. “No, but I do think Twinkies will outlast the apocalypse.”

“Interesting. If you could only leave the house with one item when the apocalypse hits, what would it be?”

“I have no idea. Maybe a flashlight or a lighter? How about you?”

He answered confidently. “Ketchup. A big-ass bottle.”

“Why in the world would you bring ketchup?”

“Why in the world wouldn’t you? That shit is good on everything.”

I laughed. “God, Declan. This conversation is ridiculous, and yet it’s exactly what I needed.”

“Sadly, that isn’t the first time I’ve been described that way by a woman.”

There