Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

She shook her head. “No one knows what they’re getting into long term or what the future holds. That’s a risk you take for love. I’ll bet she’s stronger than you think. And if she loves you back, she’ll accept that you have some bad days.”

The wheels in my head were still turning against me. “Okay…well, even if you’re right, she’s currently with someone else.”

“What does she say about her feelings for this other guy?”

“Last I checked, she hadn’t told him she loved him, even though he’d said those words to her. But that doesn’t mean she won’t get there.”

Belinda’s eyes popped wide. “Uh…hello? That’s a pretty big clue that she doesn’t love him.”

“That could have changed by now, though.” I leaned my head in my hands. “Regardless of her feelings for him, I have no clue if she feels the same way about me as I do her. She cares about me. We’re good friends. And she’s attracted to me—or at least she was at one point. But that doesn’t mean she feels as strongly as I do.”

“So ask. What’s the worst that could happen?”

I sighed. “I’m afraid of turning her life upside down. She’s been through a lot recently. I don’t want to cause trouble or confuse her if she’s in a happy, stable situation.”

Belinda shrugged. “She couldn’t tell you for sure that she loved this guy…”

“She was also in a weird place when she admitted that. Her father had just died—not sure she could feel anything at all.”

Belinda leaned her chin into her hands and smiled. “Is she the first girl you ever loved?”

There was no question. “Yeah. Without a doubt.”

“What made you certain you love her?”

I sighed. “There was a point at the church when I had to sit behind her and her boyfriend.” I shook my head. “It felt so unnatural…so painful. I felt like part of my heart was beating inside her, and I couldn’t get to it. I wanted so badly to be the one comforting her. And I felt literal pain. But it didn’t hit me until I was on the plane coming back here that the feeling of pain? It was actually love.”

Belinda shocked me by wiping a tear from her eye. “Declan, you have to tell her.”

My eyes widened. “Oh my God. I can’t fucking believe I made you cry just now.”

“I’m crying because what you said is beautiful. And I’m crying because I feel really bad that I’m gonna have to beat your ass in a minute.” Her tears gave way to laughter. “Dec, it would be tragic if you let her go without a fight.”

“I can’t let her go if I don’t have her in the first place.”

She rolled her eyes and whacked me with her dishrag again. “You know what I think?”

“What?”

“I think you’re scared. You said you don’t want to cause confusion, but if causing confusion is a concern, a part of you must know she has feelings for you—feelings that would mean she has a choice to make.”

That definitely made some sense. “Maybe…”

“By not saying anything, you stay in this safe place—she remains in your life, but never the way you hoped. You’re letting fear make all of the decisions here. Get your head out of your ass and see it for what it is.”

I chuckled. “Damn. I’m losing my straight-shooting therapist in a few days, aren’t I?”

Belinda held up a finger and left me momentarily to visit the DJ. When she returned to her spot behind the bar, Melissa Etheridge’s “I’m The Only One” started playing.

She spoke over the music. “Listen to the words of this song. This is the attitude you need to take with Molly. There is no other person who will love her like you do, even if life ain’t perfect all the time. You’re the only one, Declan. You know that deep inside. And the first way you can prove that is to risk getting your heart broken. Silence is regret. Inaction will always translate to regret in the end. If you never say anything, you’ll never know.”

I rubbed my temples. Belinda had given me way too much to think about tonight. She knew it, too, because she stopped talking and poured me another drink.

CHAPTER 32

Molly

It was one of the most grueling natural labors I’d witnessed in a long time. It was also another testament to the fact that Will Daniels was one damn amazing obstetrician.

“It’s a boy!” Will proudly proclaimed through his surgical mask as he pulled the baby out of our patient, Karma’s, womb. She’d been in labor for over twenty-four hours and had refused all drugs. Karma and her husband, Joshua, had chosen not to find out the baby’s sex, so they were just realizing they had a son.

“I can’t believe it!” Joshua proclaimed.

The excitement of a new baby being brought into the world never got old. It didn’t matter how many night shifts I’d endured. Each new life was just as amazing as the last.

Several minutes later, someone asked, “Do you have a name?”

The new mom smiled. “Declan.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

Declan.

Tears formed in my eyes. Declan had confirmed that he’d chosen not to come back to Chicago after his Wisconsin gig, and I hadn’t been able to get over it.

I didn’t understand why his not returning had this sort of impact on me. I mean, him going back to California was always the plan. But I knew there was a good chance I might not see him ever again.

I wiped my eyes. “Declan is a beautiful name.”

Will returned from washing his hands, took one look at my face, and squinted. He obviously knew I’d been crying but didn’t pry.

Will Daniels was a good man. I knew that now more than ever. He was the whole package. The real deal. And he’d told me he loved me over and over. And yet…I still couldn’t say it back.

We’d gotten into a couple of arguments lately regarding