Not Pretending Anymore by Ward, Penelope (big ebook reader .TXT) 📕

had been background noise, but it suddenly went quiet. “Did you just turn off the TV?”

“No, I’m at the bar down the block from my hotel.”

“The lesbian bar?”

“Yeah. I’ve made some good friends.”

That made me smile. Declan could make friends anywhere.

“Well, I won’t keep you long, then.”

“Don’t worry about it. I just stepped outside so I can hear you better.”

“I wanted to say thank you for doing that—for knowing I’d get to that last page of the photo album and need some cheering up.”

“Anytime, sweetheart. Anytime.”

Hearing him call me that sent a flush of warmth rolling through my belly.

I laid back on the couch and held the bag of M&Ms to my chest with my cell phone at my ear. “How are things in Cheeselandia?”

“Actually, it’s getting a little creepy.”

“Oh? How so?”

“I’m starting to get a pretty full arsenal of cheese jokes.”

“Cheese jokes? You mean your jokes have grown corny?”

“No, as in literal cheese jokes. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?”

“I have no idea. What?”

“You’re looking goud-a.”

I laughed, which, of course, just encouraged him.

“What do you call cheese you stole?”

“What?”

“Na-cho cheese.”

“I hope these aren’t part of the big marketing plans you’ve been working on.”

“If I don’t get out of here soon, they might be.”

“Speaking of which, when are you done?”

“The end of this month.”

“Oh, wow. So you’ll be back in Chicago in just a couple of weeks?”

Declan was quiet for a moment. “Actually, I may be going back to California instead.”

“What? Why? I thought you were coming back to help finish off the project you started here?”

“I was, but…I think it’s probably best if I go back to Cali.”

“Is your boss pushing you to do that?”

“No…I think it would be… I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet for sure.”

I felt a sudden sense of panic. “But if you don’t come back to finish the project in Chicago, when would I see you again?”

Declan sighed. “I don’t know, Mollz.”

“You have to come back.”

He was quiet for a long time. “I better go. Belinda is probably going to wonder if I skipped out on my tab.”

“Oh…okay.”

“You take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will. You too, Declan.”

After I hung up, I felt a heaviness in my chest. What if Declan didn’t come back to Chicago?

CHAPTER 31

Declan

Sweat dotted my forehead as I let the music take me away. Once again, I was the only guy in sight at The Spotted Cow. “Whatta Man” by Salt-N-Pepa played as I moved and grooved amidst a sea of women. They’d played that song especially for me. I was honored. It was the Saturday before I was set to leave Wisconsin later in the week. Belinda had hired a DJ as a little going-away present for me. It was definitely the best goodbye party I could’ve hoped for. Drinks on the house weren’t half bad either. It was a much-needed night of escapism, because the days since returning from Chicago hadn’t been easy.

The disappointment in Molly’s voice when I’d told her I likely wasn’t coming back had killed me. Her reaction made me doubt my decision. But I knew I couldn’t handle watching her with Will again. It was one thing to know that with each passing day, Molly was getting closer to him. But seeing and experiencing it wasn’t something I wanted to put myself through. Not to mention, it was going to look suspicious if I showed up there again so soon. He’d give her shit about it, and I didn’t want to cause Molly stress. Whether or not she realized it, my heading straight back to California was the right decision. I still second-guessed it every chance I got, though.

When the song changed to a slower one, I left the dance floor and headed for the bar.

Belinda smiled from ear to ear. “Damn, boy. I’ve never seen you dance like that.”

I grabbed a napkin and wiped my forehead. “Yeah, well, I’m trying to forget about shit, you know? Dancing my troubles away.”

“When is your flight again?”

“Thursday night. You’ll still be seeing me until then.”

Belinda pouted. “I’m sure gonna miss you.”

“You need to take a vacation and come out to California.”

“I promise you, I will.” She smacked me over the head with her dishrag. “What’s going on, Dec? I know you’re not devastated to leave Wisconsin. So there’s got to be something else you’re trying to forget. You’ve seemed down ever since you came back from Chicago.”

I hadn’t gone into much detail since returning from Molly’s dad’s funeral. But what did I have to lose now? “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone before?”

“Of course. But is the only reason you’re telling me because you’re half in the bag?”

I laughed. “No. I swear.”

“Okay. Just didn’t want you to regret it.” She leaned in. “What’s the big secret?”

“I think I’m in love.”

“With me?” she said without batting an eyelash.

That made me cackle. “Well, with you, yeah. That’s a given. But I was referring to someone else in this case.”

She smiled knowingly. “Molly…”

Letting out a long breath, I nodded. “Yeah.”

“You’re only now just realizing this?”

I sighed. “I always knew I cared deeply for her. But after this last trip to Chicago, I’m a hundred-percent sure I’m actually in love with her. And I don’t know what to fucking do about it.”

“So you realized you’re in love with Molly, but you’re not going back to Chicago.” She scratched her head exaggeratedly. “Yeah…that makes a lot of sense.”

“I know it doesn’t seem right. But the situation isn’t that simple.”

“If you love someone, you have to tell her.”

“Not if I don’t think I’m what’s best for her. If you love someone, you want what’s best for them.” I paused. “I told you about my depression. What if I can’t get a handle on it, or what if it gets worse over time?”

“Have you told her about it?”

I sighed. “I told her during this last visit. She was wonderful and supportive.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“The problem is, even if she accepts it, she may not