Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

at me and says “Sometimes not saying anything is enough.” Then she walks out of the room. I’m afraid to look over to Sina because I don’t want her to tell me to leave.

“Get out,” she says quietly. I do the exact opposite and move closer to the bed. “Get out now!” she screams as another piece of me breaks. But I don’t stop. I move everything that’s in my fucking way because I need her.

“I hate you!” she sobs. But I don’t stop. I move the bed rail out of the way and she tries pushing me away . I know she’s hurting. “I fucking hate you!” she snarls at me and another piece my heart breaks. I wrap my arms around her and she fights to get away.

“I hate you!” she starts punching my chest. “I hate you. I hate you for making me feel this way.” She continues to beat on my chest. “I hate that I’m in love with you. I hate that I can’t move on. I hate that you hate me”, she cries. “Why do you hate me?” I know she’s getting tired because instead of her hits, she’s holding on to my shirt with her forehead on my chest.

“I feel like my heart is dying” she wails and another I hurt with her. “I didn’t get to hold our son. I didn’t get to give him my kisses. I didn’t get to tell our son that I love him.” Watching her break for our son, I fall even more in love with her. After all the bullshit I put her through, and the way I fucking disrespected her she still loves me. I know I don’t deserve it, but I count her loving me as one of my greatest blessings and I’m not going to take it for granted anymore.

“I’m sorry Eli. I’m sorry for not telling you about baby EJ.” I feel my eyes burn. “I thought I was doing the right thing” I hate that she’s crying, but I don’t stop her. Mama used to tell me that sometimes crying is the only thing you can do and it’s good for the soul. As much as it kills me to see her cry, I know she needs to feel her pain in order for her to heal. “I’m so, so, sorry” she cries again. I move her a little so I can grab something for her face. I walk around and grab a washcloth from one of the cabinets then run warm water over it. I put the wash cloth on top of one of the clean towels that are on the table by her bed. I move her over a little and then toe my shoes off before I get onto the bed with her. I’m afraid that she’s going to tell me to leave, but I take my chances anyway. I wrap my arms around her waist and move her on to my lap. She’s still crying and my heart aches for her. I gently grab her chin and move her face enough so I can see her. I take the wash cloth and start cleaning her face. Her eyes are red and swollen, her whole face is a mess but she’s still my Sina. I do the best I can and toss the washcloth in the laundry bin. I lean in and kiss away every fresh tear on her cheeks as they fall.

I lean my forehead on hers. “I’m sorry Sina” I whisper, “I’m sorry about Micah, I’m sorry for hurting you. And I’m so sorry about the baby.”

“Say his name” she cries. I try to clear my throat but it doesn’t help any. I feel like I’m choking on air. “Say his name.”

I can’t hold the words in anymore, so I let them go. “Elijah Micah Hunter” I whisper, “I’m sorry that you didn’t get to hold our son, I’m sorry he didn’t get any of your kisses. But I won’t say sorry that you didn’t get to tell him you loved him” I cry. She tries pulling away but I hold her face in my hands and say “Because you loved him the first day you found out you were pregnant. Am I right?” She doesn’t answer me but she nods yes. “You loved him this whole time Sina, and I know that little boy felt it every time he heard your voice. He knew the sound of your heartbeat.” I pull her face closer and say “Don’t ever doubt your love Sina, because your love is enough to heal everything that’s broken.” I kiss her forehead. “Thank you for loving our son.” Then I move her back to her side because she needs her rest.

I lay the bed back down so she can be more comfortable and I pull her into me so she can lay her head on my chest. She winds her arm around me and cries. I kiss the top of her head and say “I know things aren’t okay with us Sina, but I will do everything to make us better. I don’t expect anything from you, I just need you to live and not just exist in this world. Whatever you can’t carry, let me carry it for you, that’s all I ask.” She doesn’t say anything and that’s okay, because it’s my turn to do right by her. Even though our son didn’t get to take his first breath, she will forever be the mother of my child. And I need to get my shit together by giving her the respect she deserves. It’s time for me to seriously grow the fuck up and take care of her. Emma too if she’ll let me. I move to grab the blanket but see someone moving by the door. I expect to feel anger when I see him standing there, but I can’t get myself to feel any ill feelings toward him. We are both in love