Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

don't remember what happened. I can’t understand the emptiness that I feel. I feel hollow, like I’m not all of me anymore.

“Sina?” I hear a gentle voice say. I slowly opened my eyes again and don’t recognize the woman that’s standing over me. “Sina, do you know where you are?” she asks. I try to answer her but my throat is dry and I start coughing. She reaches for the cup on the side table and pours water into it from a little plastic jug. “Here you go doll-face” she says with a small smile. She helps me with the straw and I swear that this is probably the best cup of ice water I’ve ever had. She puts the cup back on the table then turns back to look at me. “My name’s Annie. I’ll be spending most of my time with you Sina. I’m your nurse” she says.

“What?” I squeak at her.

She gives me a confused look and asks, “Do you remember anything?”

I try sitting up, but I’m too freaking weak. She gently grabs my hand. “Relax doll. Let me page your doctor, he’ll be able to tell you everything” she says.

Before she leaves the room I manage to croak out, “Where am I Annie?”

She smiles a sad smile and says, “You’re in the hospital doll.” I start having a panic attack, my lungs both won't fill and fill too much all at the same time. “Shh. Doll-face you have to breathe” she says calmly, but I can’t get my brain to cooperate with my body and all I can do is drag in lungful after lungful of dry thick air that chokes me as much as it helps me. My heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest. Everything starts to blur and my vision begins to swim. I don’t know what happens next but all I hear before my eyes get too heavy to lift is someone saying “She doesn’t know she lost her son.”

When I wake the light in my room is dim and I feel someone holding my hand. I look to see who it is and see Marino with his head resting on the bed, bent over like he’s deep in prayer. He must’ve felt me moving because he sits up and tears start streaming down his face. He looks devastated and I know then that I’ve lost my son. He doesn’t say anything as he stands up from his seat and perches on the edge of my bed. He reaches for my hand and says “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there Sina.” My heart aches because he’s done nothing except help out with Emma and take care of me. It wasn’t his job to babysit me, and it definitely wasn’t his fault this happened. I wrap my arms around him and cling to him as my tears fall alongside his.

“Rino. It’s not your fault, do you hear me?” I say between sobs. He doesn’t say anything at first so I sit back a little and hold his face. “Look at me. What happened to me wasn’t and isn’t your fault, do you understand me?”

He looks at me and says “I know he wasn’t mine, but why does it hurt so much?” My heart aches for this sweet, caring man.

I grab both of his hands and hold them in mine. “Because you were there the first time we heard his heartbeat, you were there for every appointment, you were there when he first kicked. Because when you fell in love with him the same way I did, and I will love you for that Rino. Even though he wasn’t yours biologically you loved him as if he were your own. And I will pray every day until you’re blessed with a wonderful woman who will make you her everything and who will have all your little babies. Because you deserve that” I cry.

He leans his forehead on mine and says “You have to be okay Sina. Just please don’t check out on me when things start getting hard for you. You’re one of the most important people in my life. If you can’t breathe I’ll breathe for the both of us.”

I cry harder. As much as I wanted Marino to be the one for me, my heart knows that he isn’t mine. “Thank you, Rino” I whisper. I’m too tired to move, so I let Marino hold me a little longer because deep down I know there’s no coming back from this for us. I don’t want to feel alive anymore, so all I can do is exist.

I must’ve fallen asleep because I feel Marino nudging me to wake up. “Sina, you have to wake up. I know you’re tired, but everyone’s waiting to see you, especially your mother” he says.

I sit up and ask, “Do they know what happened?”

He looks at me and says “Your doctor wasn’t sure if you wanted them to know yet, so he wanted to wait until he spoke with you.” I feel my eyes burning, but I make sure to push my tears away. Marino clears his throat and says “Eli’s here too.” I look at him and start shaking my head no. He gently grabs my shoulders and says “Breathe Sina, breathe.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Why is he here?”

He gives me a sad smile and says “Because he’s in love with you Sina.”

“He’s not in love with me” I cry. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. How can he be in love with me when all he does is push me away? How can he be in love with me when he always chooses his anger over me?

He grabs my chin and lifts my head so he can see me. “He’s in love with you Babe. I know because he’s hurting the exact same way I am.” He wipes my tears with his fingers and says “He knows about Baby Elijah too.”

I feel the air in