Shadows of the Past by Kayla Stiles (buy e reader txt) 📕

Unknown

4/10/12

Do you see what I see,
When I look in the mirror?
NO!
Do you see the pain I feel,
Every time you turn from me?
Never!
You can never know me
As well as you think you do.
For how could you
When you’re gutless and cursed?
How could you possibly
See what I see everyday,
When you don’t even care?
You can never see me
For who I am.
For who I am,
Is a deadly monster
That will kill you
With one glance into my eyes.
These cold, heartless eyes
That I open every morning
And close every night.
You could never see
The monster that I truly am,
For angels only see goodness.
They never see the truth.
All of you believe in nothing but the good!
Why do you never see things
For what they really are?
It’s all an illusion you see.
This beautiful creature that you think is me
Really is just a mirage.
It’s all a big façade.
In truth, I’m a monster.
I try to be there for people,
Try to love others,
So as to cover up my many flaws,
To hide my inadequacies.
I’m a selfish being who would,
More than likely, in the event of the choice
Between my life,
And the life of another,
I’d take the life of another…
Because I’m just that mean…
I don’t trust myself,
And I don’t love myself.
These are my unknown secrets…
I’m a monster.
Don’t trust me…

Unnamed

10/10/13

I want to hang out with Amber Adair again,

As though we were friends of old once again.

I want to be able to relax with her and

Act as though the rift between us never happened.

Act as though whatever I ever did wrong never happened.

I wish to be able to see my friend again…

But, alas, I probably never shall, except in passing.

I want to be able to pay for my own habits and stuff

With my own money.

But I need to first get a job in order to do that.

I want to be able to make Ed happy,

But I don’t entirely know how.

There’s nothing to really do here at my house,

And it always seems like anything I do is wrong.

I want to be able to make mom happy,

Make her proud of having me for a daughter.

Yet I know not how to accomplish that.

I know not how to get past my barriers.

I want to do so much with my life.

But will I ever even get a chance to do such things?

Or will I forever be bound in this eternal abyss of darkness and self-loathing?

I don’t know. Then again, who really does?

The War Inside

8/15/12

What do you think you're doing,
Believing in him, in what he says??
Why should you, a pathetic piece of crap,
Even attempt to believe in that bull??
You're nothing!
You hear me? Nothing!
You wouldn't even still be alive
If it weren't for me!
You'd be dead! Got that?! Dead!!
He doesn't really want you.
Why else would he have kissed Isabella
Right after taking your virginity?
Why else would he have neglected you for pot
for all those months?
He doesn't need you, doesn't even want you by his side!
He doesn't love you!
But that's not true!

He loves me more than anything.
He gave up pot so he could be with me.
We're going to get married one day.
We'll have a family!

You really believe that shit?
It's all bogus! He's just lying to you
So he can get in your pants!
I'm all you've got.
Without me, you'd be nothing but lying dead
6 feet under the earth!
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
He loves me! And I love him!
He's never going to leave me!
He won't.

Oh but he will.
Once he sees the true you, the mean you,
He'll leave you in the dirt, all alone.
Don't you dare! Don't you dare do that!

Do what? Besides, what are you going to do about it?
You've been trying to hide my existence for
So long now. But you're getting weaker.
Soon you'll break and I'll be free again.
There's nothing you can do about it.
No! You can't do this!
I will fight you all the way!

Of course you will. And you will lose!
I hate you! I fucking hate you!
You're going to die!
I'm going to make you die!

Go ahead and try little bitch.
But you won't get very far.
You're weakminded, simple, a loser.
You can't do anything right.
You can't even hurt your beloved Zar
Without crying. Can't even fight with him without
Breaking down in tears.
You're pathetic and ugly. And he'll see that one day,
And he will leave.
Simple as that.
Fuck you!!!

Your past boyfriends left you,
your stepdad left you,
Hell, your own FATHER left you!
They all saw your hideousness and
Chose the right path, to ditch your ass.
Nobody wants you! I don't see why you're
Still hanging on! Just break already!
I know you want to!
I know you want to take that razor and use it!
*sobs* No I don't. You're lying.
My father loves me still.
I'm going to find him and he's going to
Come back home with me!
I'm not going to listen to you!
My friends and family love me and
Zar loves me dearly.
You can't take that away from me!
So fuck you!

No, little girl, you're wrong.
You see, I can take anything away from you
That I want to.
I could take your very life from you
Should that be my wish.
No! You can't! I won't let you!

Oh, but I can. Watch me.
Please don't. Please.

You want to know why you're
Having difficulty in your classes,
Why you're always fighting
With Zar and your family?
It's because your true self
Is trying to come back.
Who you truly are needs to be free.
It needs to come out and wreak havoc
And chaos on your life.
It needs to be let loose
Once again.
I won't let you do that!
Never!

Oh, I don't need your permission.
I can do it myself.
It is MY body after all.
Not anymore it's not.
This is MY body now!
Always has been.
Now go the fuck away!
Go and bother somebody else,
Someone who actually cares!
I don't want you.
Nor do I need you!
Just go away and never come back.
I hate you!

You can't make me go away girlie.
I'm part of you.
I'm here to stay forever.
And there's nothing you can do about it.
Have a good day in school babe.
You'll hear from me later!

The Whispered Lies

4/24/12

You sit on a small clump of exposed tree roots,
Curled up into the side of the massive weeping willow.
Her beautiful drooping branches sway gently in the wind,
And cover you from view from anyone else.
It’s just how you like it.
The wind gently sweeps your hair back and forth
In front of your face.
The gentle swaying of the black strands,
And the coolness of the breeze,
And the comfort of the tree,
Cause your eyes to begin to slowly close as,
Gently, you are lulled into a light doze.
You wake up suddenly and the hour is beginning to grow late.
You don’t know how long you’ve been sleeping.
Maybe only a couple minutes, maybe a few hours.
All you know is that the sun has begun to
Slowly drop below the reach of the trees,
Down, down, down behind the vast purple mountains in the distance.
You hear a loud crack, as that of someone stepping on a small branch.
Startled, you jump up from your small nook,
Your long black skirt falling past your feet,
The hem pooling on the ground.
Scared, you lift up your skirt hem off the ground,
And begin to push through the drooping branches of the Mother Willow.
Frantic to get out of the reach of the foreign invader,
It’s as though the branches snag and grab at you,
Trying to hold you back.
Fearfully, you cry out and yank yourself
Out from the tree’s clutches.
The sounds of snapping branches continues,
Growing closer and closer.
Suddenly, you look behind you, and out from the clutter of trees,
Illuminated by the red light of the setting sun,
Steps a black mass.
It is neither man nor creature.
It has fur as black as night,
And eyes red as a maraschino