The Circus by Kestral Volta (desktop ebook reader txt) 📕

Alex had never known his mother, nor his father. In fact, Alex had decided that he’d never want to know them! If they didn’t want him in their life, nor did he. Yet, however much he tried to illustrate this to himself, some small part of him remained curious. But there was probably nothing he could do about that.
Alex still couldn’t decide whether his life had turned out for the better. Yes, he had been abandoned, but what would his life be like if Dane had never found him? Would his life be better? Would he be living in a proper house? Would he be going to school, have friends, maybe even a girlfriend? It was on this subject Alex had dwelled many times before, yet as he matured, he seemed to sit by himself, brooding, talking to no one less and less. On the contrary, he found it much easier to talk to people about it!
But what if Alex hadn’t been found by Dane? Would some weird family have found him and adopted him? Would he be in a care home right now? And what if he’d never even been found? What if he’d be dead? He had every reason to be thankful to Dane! Alex owed him!
So why, Alex asked himself, did he have to insist on running away all the time? It never went successfully, so why bother at all? One of the performers was sure to find him-they always did! Once, Alex had managed to get to another town by hitching a ride and had just ended up lost! That was the furthest he had ever got and one of the performers had found him then! And when he was brought back to the camp, Dane always reacted in three stages. 1. He would be angry and yell the place down; waking everyone up if it was at night! 2. His anger would leave him and he would go silent, not talking. 3 He would be happy. Overwhelmingly so. He would be relieved the Alex was home and hug him and tell Alex he loved him and then crack open the hot chocolate and celebrate. Maybe this was why Alex always ran away- there was always hot chocolate at the end.
But tonight it was different. Tonight, Alex was 16. Alex didn’t know whether there was a law to say that 16 year-olds could leave home or not (Alex had never gone to school) but he was gonna do it anyway. Wouldn’t he? Dane would be alright without him. And so would the others! It wasn’t like they were related or anything. Dane had looked after him all his life and never once had they been out of the camp (except for when Alex had run away). You couldn’t cage the beast. Else it got angry.
Alex stood at the edge of the camp, a backpack slung over his shoulder.
Dane would be alright without him, wouldn’t he? It wasn’t like he was Alex’s dad or anything, so he’d be alright! He was old, sure, but he had the circus. He got paid. He had friends. But he was old. And it wasn’t like they had much money or anything. Could Dane look after himself if Alex was gone?
Alex pondered this, not really sure how to answer his own question. He stepped next to a tree and leant against it. He gazed out onto the gravel path that led away from the forest clearing. He could go now and not look back. There was nothing that stood in his way. But could he leave Dane? It wasn’t as if he loved him or anything, was it? He had been like a father in some ways.
Alex let his bag drop from his shoulder and stood for a moment, breathing in the cold, night air. Eventually, he gave in to his thoughts and picked up his bag and went back to camp.
Dane had always been strict about letting Alex out of the camp. He only really left if Joseph let him help him get supplies or when he snuck away when there was a show on. Alex normally didn’t help out with the shows, he didn’t really like interacting with people and since he wasn’t very good at performing or doing anything special, he was always given jobs like handing out the tickets and selling refreshments and merchandise. He didn’t know why Dane didn’t let him have much freedom. I mean, he was a teenager! He needed space!

Alex came to the middle of the camp. The camp wasn’t a particularly large one- in fact, it only consisted of around 10 caravans used for living in and about five other trailers used for staring equipment such as the stage tent, fold-up chairs and tables, cooking equipment and props for the shows. There weren’t many people who occupied the camp, either. The shows usually consisted of about five acts, depending on who was having time off. Sometimes all six acts were performed; it usually depended on how big the audience was. Alex weaved his way through the caravans. The majority of the caravans were white, but those who were eccentric and preferred a more elaborate style had painted the outside of the caravans in bright, gypsy-themed yellows, red and greens.
He moved on towards his caravan. It was stood on the edge of camp, away from most of the other caravans and tents. Alex liked to be alone. He liked isolation, away from the hustle bustle of the circus. Alex did most things alone. He would do his chores in silence and try to avoid other people. He would eat alone and try to avoid conversations. He had a valid reason, though.
Alex stepped into his caravan. It was quite small, but he had no need for a large one. It was just one room; to one side was a table with seats either side. In front of the entrance were a bookcase and a set of drawers, on top of which was a hairbrush, several notebooks and the usual deodorant, plectrums and other curio he had acquired over the years from different places. On the wall above this was a collection of postcards from a variety of foreign places the circus had visited. Just behind the door was an acoustic guitar on a stand and the other side of the door was a desk. The top of the desk, however, could not be seen- it was covered in drawings, pens, paint brushes, pencils and other art equipment. Alex liked to draw a lot, even more than reading of playing his guitar. At the far right of the caravan was a bed set above the floor. It had a small sofa, crammed with cushions beneath it, which stuck out enough for Alex to use to get onto the bed. There were small lamps both above and beneath the bed. Just in front of the sofa next to the wall was a small, disused bedside table. Upon it was a set of IPod speakers- the IPod Touch already in the dock. Alex had been given this for his 13th birthday. It was the only really expensive present he’d ever got, and even this was bought with money saved up for months in advance- the whole circus contributing little and often. They may not have enough money, but it was touching how much like a family the circus was, even though none of them were actually related, save for the twins, who claimed to be mediums. Alex, however had not had the heart to tell them that to put music onto it, you needed a computer, so he had snuck out to an internet cafe and spent nearly all of what was on his debit card. Alex had a savings account, but not much money to put in it. The caravan was small and homely, yet it lacked one item that most teenage bedrooms’ contained.
There was no mirror.
Alex slumped down onto the sofa, immediately being almost swallowed by the squishy cushions and dumped his bag down on the floor. He pushed his thick, blond hair from his eyes and touched his IPod, listening to the depressing music fill the tiny space. Alex had tried to make his caravan devoid of anything that could show himself his reflection. Of course, this was almost impossible. Alex was constantly reminded of this fact.
The one thing in his life that he despised most, that he feared most was his reflection. It had been the cause of many arguments; many people had looked at him in fear. Some people had even yelled and ran away. Whenever he tried to talk to customers who came to watch the show, they would look at him as though he was a freak. The authorities had once even come to question Dane because Alex lived with him! They thought that he was keeping Alex against his will because he was a freak! The circus was not a freak show! No, Alex was a freak show all on his own!
Alex had a birth mark. It started on his forehead and took up the left half of his face in patches and splodges of violent red, then made it’s way down his neck and onto his back shoulder blade and left forearm. It made Alex sick at his own reflection. It was why he distanced himself. So no one would get scared and run away from him. So no one would treat him like a freak. Whenever he went out, he would wear a hoodie over his head and avoid the eyes of the public. Of course, the performers in the circus had reassured him nay a time that they thought of him no differently, but it just made him more self-conscious.
Well, thought Alex, he may as well get used to it. He’d been trying to do this, however, for years and had told himself this many times. There was a show on tomorrow night, and he was planning on trying to miss it. Feigning illness was his usual tac-tic, but he had used this too many times in the past and Dane was urging him more and more to do jobs that involved talking to people.
Alex hated it when he did that.
Eventually, Alex climbed into his bed, the music still on, willing himself to fall to sleep.

Alex sat on one of the fold-up benches and stared down at his bacon sandwich. Tonight loomed over him like a storm-cloud, obvious enough that anyone could see it!
Alley, a contortionist, had tried to cheer him up, her incredibly delicious bacon sandwich was welcome enough, but Alex just didn’t feel hungry.
Nearly all the performers in the circus were middle-aged, some were in their mid-twenties; there was no one Alex’s age. Dane was easily the oldest person in the circus, reaching a grand age of 50. Alex liked to brag about that very much! Dane lead the circus, he was the ringleader, if you like. Whenever they were putting on a performance, he would wear a red coat with a black collar, a black waistcoat and white shirt underneath. He would wear white gloves and a black top hat- it was fair to say Dane liked to look the part! Most of the other performers would dress up too; only people like Garry- who sung the opera- would just perform in normal clothes.
There were usually about five acts. Tonight, Garry was performing, and so was Alley, the contortionist. The twins, Elladora and Mirabella were going to do what they