Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

He looked like a broken boy.

God! I'm the one who is to be blamed for his self-inflicting behaviour. I trotted back to his room and found a clean crisp while shirt, I began unbuttoning his shirt and helped him put on the clean one. In just a matter of four days, he'd lost the colour and some weight—had he been starving himself?

Rowan's red-rimmed eyes studied me carefully, analyzing my each move, "Have you been eating your meals properly?"

He shook his head frantically, his gaze lingering on the floor.

What's wrong with this man? He's acting weirder than before. I told him to sit on the dining table while I cooked a quick meal. I found some eggs and marinated fish in the fridge so I settled for omelette and fish fry. I like to feed my victims before I plan to kill them with my list of questionnaire. I served him the hot food without a word and watched him devour it like he had been living on an isolated island for a month or so. I was sure as hell I'd left the fish a little raw.

That caveman.

I cleaned the house while he was at it, and just when I was picking the glass pieces, I found some green little plant with a plastic bag full of hash in the corner.

Rowan, you're fucking dead.

"You've been growing marijuana and smoking hash?"

Rowan glanced away in what I was assuming was shame.

The door bell rang making me finch; I hid the plastic bags below the mini bar, making my way towards the door. It was Cary with Minnie clinging to her side, the minute Minnie saw me she pulled out her hands in my direction. I picked her up, "Cary, Is it possible for you to keep Minnie with you for a little while longer? I'll be back to pick her up tonight."

She gaped at me, "Minnie has been living with me for the past two days and she kept whining to see her father. I can't keep making excuses, besides I have to be out with my friends. I can't babysit and become house arrested. You can cut short my pay if you want."

"No that's alright, Thanks." I closed the door and made a beeline for Minnie's room. She could live without a glimpse of Rowan's episodes.

"Stay here, okay, babe?" I put her on the bed.

She nodded, "vil you pay dol houze wid me den?"

"Sure." I closed the door slightly behind me and trotted back to the living area. I needed some answers. My previous conversation with Lauren came back to me in flashes, bringing tears in my eyes.

I folded my arms across my chest, "Time for some closure."

He pointed at the ring on the table, and said politely, "the ring, wear it."

"First answers. Answer with a Yes or No." I proceeded with my question when he gave a slight nod, "Are you Minnie's biological father?"

He was put off-guard with my sudden question, he shrugged, "I---"

"Yes or No."

"Yes..but baby..."

"You fucking lied to me." my voice came in a choked sob, "You lied about everything."

"No, I just did what I was supposed to do at that time. I had direct orders from the dean to not let any student or faulty know that I had a love child. That was the condition. They told me it would jeopardize the University reputation. so, yes I lied and I wanted to tell you about it, but I was scared to lose you. There was no other ulterior motive behind it. I've loved you since the very first day you walked right into me.  I couldn't take risks. "

"Our relationship was built on lies; you decided to hide all that from me because you got cold-feet. I don't have an issue with Minnie being your biological daughter, Rowan, what bothers me is that, you got Lauren pregnant and then you kept her away from her daughter all these years, why?" a tear trickled down, "Why didn't you marry her if you loved her so much? Why keep a mother away from her child?"

"Do you really believe what that bitch said to you?" Rowan shook, "You want to hear the truth? I'll tell you."

I let him continue since I had lost my ability of speech, "Lauren wanted abortion; she wanted to get rid of Minnie along with me. I had to convince her to keep my baby. Do you know what price I paid?" a pause later he said, "I bought my own daughter, I paid her in cash in exchange for the baby. She gave birth, took the money I offered and disappeared without a trace. She never called, not once in these three years. Is that what a mother is? She knew what problems I went through, my mood swings, my alcoholic problems but she refused to acknowledge any of that. What mother would want her daughter to live with an alcoholic manic father? She wanted freedom from being a mother and a wife and I gave her that. I have no regrets."

I had no reason to not believe Rowan, but my head was throbbing from all the thinking, "Then why did you tell me she was Drew's daughter?"

"Stephanie could not conceive, they wanted a child so bad and were willing to adopt Minnie. I seriously didn't want that and I don't know if I could have let him but with what I deal with, my problems, my instability and for what Drew did for me all these years, I owed my brother that much. And I told you what I was telling everyone at the university." 

I kept my mouth shut, as he continued, "Lauren has been pestering me all this time because she wants to get back. I'm not interested in her sappy stories, the man who loved her unconditionally died the day she walked out that door. I'm definitely not him and never will be. She can sue me in court for child custody for all I care."

I was in need of a urgent pain killer, "Rowan, all this hasn't been easy for me to take in. I want some time."

"You're leaving again?" he hovered over me, blocking my path.

"No, I just---my brain has stopped working, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"You're not going anywhere." He growled.

What?

"Rowan, please."