The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman by Laurence Sterne (pdf e book reader txt) š
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The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman, a fictional autobiography of the eponymous narrator, containsāperhaps surprisinglyālittle about either his life or opinions, but what it does have is a meandering journey through the adventures of his close family and their associates. The book is famous for being more about the explanatory diversions and rabbit-holes that the narrator takes us down than the actual happenings he set out to describe, but in doing so he paints a vivid picture of the players and their personal stories.
Published two volumes at a time over the course of eight years, Tristram Shandy was an immediate commercial success although not without some confusion among critics. Sterneās exploration of form that pushed at the contemporary limits of what could be called a novel has been hugely influential, garnering admirers as varied as Marx, Schopenhauer, Joyce, Woolf and Rushdie. The book has been translated into many other languages and adapted for the stage, radio, and film.
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- Author: Laurence Sterne
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I am terribly afraid, said widow Wadman, in case I should marry him, Bridgetā āthat the poor captain will not enjoy his health, with the monstrous wound upon his groinā āøŗā
It may not, Madam, be so very large, replied Bridget, as you thinkā āøŗā and I believe, besides, added sheā āthat ātis dried upā āøŗā
āøŗā I could like to knowā āmerely for his sake, said Mrs. Wadmanā āøŗā
āWeāll know the long and the broad of it, in ten daysā āanswered Mrs. Bridget, for whilst the captain is paying his addresses to youā āIām confident Mr. Trim will be for making love to meā āand Iāll let him as much as he willā āadded Bridgetā āto get it all out of himā āøŗā
The measures were taken at onceā āøŗā and my uncle Toby and the corporal went on with theirs.
Now, quoth the corporal, setting his left hand akimbo, and giving such a flourish with his right, as just promised successā āand no moreā āøŗā if your honour will give me leave to lay down the plan of this attackā āøŗā
āøŗā Thou wilt please me by it, Trim, said my uncle Toby, exceedinglyā āand as I foresee thou must act in it as my aid de camp, hereās a crown, corporal, to begin with, to steep thy commission.
Then, anā please your honour, said the corporal (making a bow first for his commission)ā āwe will begin with getting your honourās laced clothes out of the great campaign-trunk, to be well airād, and have the blue and gold taken up at the sleevesā āand Iāll put your white ramallie-wig fresh into pipesā āand send for a tailor, to have your honourās thin scarlet breeches turnādā āøŗā
āI had better take the red plush ones, quoth my uncle Tobyā āøŗā They will be too clumsyā āsaid the corporal.
XXIXāøŗā Thou wilt get a brush and a little chalk to my swordā āøŗāTwill be only in your honourās way, replied Trim.
XXXāøŗā But your honourās two razors shall be new setā āand I will get my Montero-cap furbishād up, and put on poor lieutenant Le Feverās regimental coat, which your honour gave me to wear for his sakeā āand as soon as your honour is clean shavedā āand has got your clean shirt on, with your blue and gold, or your fine scarletā āøŗā sometimes one and sometimes tāotherā āand everything is ready for the attackā āweāll march up boldly, as if ātwas to the face of a bastion; and whilst your honour engages Mrs. Wadman in the parlour, to the rightā āøŗā Iāll attack Mrs. Bridget in the kitchen, to the left; and having seizād the pass, Iāll answer for it, said the corporal, snapping his fingers over his headā āthat the day is our own.
I wish I may but manage it right; said my uncle Tobyā ābut I declare, corporal, I had rather march up to the very edge of a trenchā āøŗā
āA woman is quite a different thingā āsaid the corporal.
āI suppose so, quoth my uncle Toby.
XXXIIf anything in this world, which my father said, could have provoked my uncle Toby, during the time he was in love, it was the perverse use my father was always making of an expression of Hilarion the hermit; who, in speaking of his abstinence, his watchings, flagellations, and other instrumental parts of his religionā āwould sayā āthoā with more facetiousness than became an hermitā āāThat they were the means he used, to make his ass (meaning his body) leave off kicking.ā
It pleased my father well; it was not only a laconick way of expressingā āøŗā but of libelling, at the same time, the desires and appetites of the lower part of us; so that for many years of my fatherās life, ātwas his constant mode of expressionā āhe never used the word passions onceā ābut ass always instead of themā āøŗā So that he might be said truly, to have been upon the bones, or the back of his own ass, or else of some other manās, during all that time.
I must here observe to you the difference betwixt
My fatherās ass
and my hobbyhorseā āin order to keep characters as separate as may be, in our fancies as we go along.
For my hobbyhorse, if you recollect a little, is no way a vicious beast; he has scarce one hair or lineament of the ass about himā āøŗāTis the sporting little filly-folly which carries you out for the present hourā āa maggot, a butterfly, a picture, a fiddlestickā āan uncle Tobyās siegeā āor an anything, which a man makes a shift to get astride on, to canter it away from the cares and solicitudes of lifeā āāTis as useful a beast as is in the whole creationā ānor do I really see how the world would do without itā āøŗā
āøŗā But for my fatherās assā āø»oh! mount himā āmount himā āmount himā ā(thatās three times, is it not?)ā āmount him not:ā āātis a beast concupiscentā āand foul befal the man, who does not hinder him from kicking.
XXXIIWell! dear brother Toby, said my father, upon his first seeing him after he fell in loveā āand how goes it with your Asse?
Now my uncle Toby thinking more of the part where he had had the blister, than of Hilarionās metaphorā āand our preconceptions having (you know) as great a power over the sounds of words as the shapes of things, he had imagined, that my father, who was not very ceremonious in his choice of words, had enquired after the part by its proper name; so notwithstanding my mother, doctor Slop, and Mr. Yorick, were sitting in the parlour, he thought it rather civil to conform to the term my father had made use of than not. When a man is hemmād in by two indecorums, and must commit one of āemā āI always observeā ālet him choose which he will, the world will blame himā āso I should not be astonished if it blames my uncle Toby.
My Aā āøŗā e, quoth my uncle Toby, is much betterā ābrother Shandyā āMy father had formed great expectations from his Asse in this onset; and would have brought him on again; but doctor Slop setting up an intemperate
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