Deep Legend by DeYtH Banger (funny books to read .TXT) 📕

next to him. Even more people crowding around.
Riggan puts up his middle finger, just as the Lady takes the
shot. He shoves the kids aside and moves on.
WOMAN ON STREET
He looks so old in person.
MAN ON STREET
(From across the street.)
You suck!
Fuck you!

RIGGAN

Riggan pushes through the crowd to get to the lobby. The people
begin to chant. Dozens of cell phones recording him.
CROWD
Bird-man! Bird-man! Bird-man!
Riggan pushes his way through to the lobby doors...
43

43

INT. LOBBY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...to be stopped by the vision of Ralph in a wheelchair. His
head wrapped in a bandage. A man in a suit next to him.
RIGGAN
Jesus Christ! What're you doing here?
RALPH
Waiting for Jake. This is Mr. Roth, my
attorney.
Riggan continues walking toward the auditorium. Ralph and Mr.
Roth follow him.
MR. ROTH
We're pursuing financial remuneration for the
injuries Mr. Pinkus suffered while rehearsing
your-RIGGAN
I have a play to do.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

85.

RALPH
I'm going to ruin you!
Riggan storms toward the auditorium, but is stopped by an old
Usher.
OLD USHER
I'm sorry sir, you're going to have-Riggan shoves the old lady aside and enters...
44

44

INT. AUDITORIUM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...the theater. Riggan stands in the back among the audience.
He sees the "rain" falling on the stage. The "Motel" sign is
lit. Mike and Lesley are in bed, for the motel scene, waiting
for the knock on the door. With nothing else to do, Riggan
yells his line from the back of the auditorium...
RIGGAN
Knock knock knock! Terri! Terri!
The audience turns to see Riggan standing in his underwear.
They begin to murmur and laugh and point at him.
Riggan marches down the aisle. He looks haggard and covered
with perspiration.
Lesley and Mike, confused, come out of bed.
LESLEY
Ed! What are you doing here?
RIGGAN
Why? I need you to tell me why. I lived for
you-- I worshipped you...
MIKE
Listen Ed, I know this is hard but-RIGGAN
Fuck you. Shut up. Fuck you.
Giggles from the audience. Riggan turns threateningly and points
to an audience member on the aisle who is giggling at him.
Shut up!

RIGGAN (CONT’D)

The guy stops smiling. The audience goes silent. Riggan arrives
at the apron of the stage. Annie from the wings slides the gun
towards him. Riggan grabs it and points it at Mike.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

86.

LESLEY
Eddie! Please!
Riggan climbs onto the stage. Exhausted. He goes to Mike and,
with a last effort, pushes him lamely.
RIGGAN
What's wrong with me? Why do I end
up having to beg people to love me?
LESLEY
Ed. Eddie. Please... Give me the gun.
We pan to the wings where Jake is staring in disbelief. His
cellphone begins to vibrate, and he answers.
JAKE
Yeah. (A beat.) What?... No no no no no no
no. Wait there. I'm coming out in-He walks toward the hallway and we follow him...
45

45

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS
...through the corridor.
JAKE
No. Wait. Wait for me. I'll be there in a
second. (Beat.) What is that, a threat?
(Beat.) What wheelchair? (Beat.) Wait.
Don't hang up. Mr. Roth, we can discuss-Hello?... Hello?...

He goes out one of the exits and we are left with the silence of
the empty hallway. After a few seconds, the sound of the gunshot
from the scene echoes through the theater. The audience
applauds. The camera starts to move forward. A few seconds later
Riggan takes over the POV with his bloody long wig and the fake
gun. We follow up to...
46

INT. RIGGAN'S DRESSING ROOM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

46

...his dressing room. He puts on a robe. He walks to his
refrigerator without acknowledging Sam who is sitting on the
couch, scribbling her dashes on the toilet paper once again.
Riggan takes out a plastic container of bologna and a jar of
mustard. He sits in front of his dressing table, peels open the
bologna and opens the jar of mustard. Slice by slice, he dips
the bologna in the mustard and shoves it into his mouth.
Dad...?

SAM
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

87.

RIGGAN
(Looking up.)
Hey. How ya doin'?
SAM
Are you okay?
Why?

RIGGAN

SAM
I don't know. You seem-RIGGAN
(Eating.)
I'm good. This is good.
(Holding out a piece.)
You want some?
I'm good.

SAM

RIGGAN
Great. Great.
He continues to eat. She tries to fill the odd silence.
SAM
So. Opening night, tomorrow.
Yeah.

RIGGAN

SAM
That's exciting, huh?
RIGGAN
Yeah. Well... I don't know. The previews
have been a train wreck. We haven't been
able to get through a performance
without a raging fire... or a raging
hard-on. I'm not really sleeping, you
know, at all. And I'm pretty much broke.
Oh, and also, this play feels like a
miniature, deformed version of myself
that keeps following me around, hitting
me in the balls with a tiny hammer.
(Beat.)
Sorry, what was your question?
SAM
(Looking through phone.)
Never mind... Tonight wasn't bad. It was
weird. But that's sort of cool. People
seemed to like it.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

88.

Silence. Riggan notices the toilet paper.
RIGGAN
What are you doing? Some homework?
SAM
No. I don't-- When I was in rehab, they
made us do this.
Really...

RIGGAN

SAM
Yeah. These dashes, represent the six
billion years the planet has existed.
Each dash represents 100 years.
She unravels the roll and we see that there are thousands of
black marks running along the toilet paper. She takes the last
two panels and tears them off.
SAM (CONT'D)
And this... (Hands them to him.) ...is
supposed to represent the entire time us
humans have been here. One hundred and
fifty thousand years. That's it.
(Beat.)
I guess they were trying to remind us
that that's what all our egos and selfobsession are worth.
Riggan stares at the paper, and then at Sam.
RIGGAN
(Casually.)
I was a shitty father, wasn't I?
SAM
No. You were a-- (She stops herself.)
You were fine.
He stops chewing and stares out.
RIGGAN
Fine... You're right. I am just
"fine". Adorably mediocre.
He smiles to her sadly, and then he wipes the mustard from his
face with the piece of toilet paper.
Dad!
What?

SAM
RIGGAN
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

89.

Sam looks at the ruined toilet paper in his hands.
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
Oh... Shit. I'm sorry.
SAM
(Smiling.)
It's okay. You just destroyed the entire
human race in one blow.
Riggan looks at her with the saddest of expressions.
SAM (CONT’D)
Dad. (She hesitates.) Do you know
you’re becoming a trending topic?
RIGGAN
Really? What does that mean?
Sam searches for something on her iPhone and then hands it to
Riggan. Riggan looks at the phone and sees a hand-held video of
himself in the streets in his underwear.
SAM
350,000 views in less than an hour.
Believe it or not, this is power.
Riggan looks at more footage, seemingly confused. After a
moment, the phone vibrates and the video is interrupted by a
text message, which reads “Truth or Dare?”
RIGGAN
It’s for you.
She grabs the phone and looks at the screen. Then at her
father. Riggan is staring at her. She looks down.
RIGGAN (CONT’D)
Go ahead...
SAM
(Hesitant.)
Are you...?
Go.

RIGGAN

A sympathetic smile. An understanding. Sam exits.
Riggan stares into the mirror absently. His eyes locked on
his reflection trying to find himself in the image. Then he
spots a vase with dying roses, the same roses he flung to the
ground previously.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

90.

He gets up and goes into the bathroom. He pulls off the long
wig and the mustache. He washes his face. Then he opens a
small bottle and uses the liquid to scrub his goatee. The
dark dye begins to run out, leaving only white hair. For the
first time we see that Riggan has a white beard.
He puts on new clothes and comes out of the bathroom. He grabs
a beige raincoat and heads out of the dressing room and
into...
47

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

47

...the hallway. As he passes by Mike’s door he can hear Sam and
Mike. They’re trying to be as quiet as possible, but we can hear
them flirting and laughing.
He pauses for a moment but continues on. After a few seconds,
his phone vibrates. He looks at it. A text from Jake reads:
“Have you seen this??? Awesome!!!” He clicks the attachment and
sees the, now infamous, video of his underwear escapade in the
street. We zoom in until the image fills the screen, when we
finally pull away, we discover that...
48

INT. RUM HOUSE - LATER

48

...Riggan's video is being played now in a television in the
bar. We see the MTV logo on the bottom of the screen and a video
caption that reads: “Birdman goes viral, 930.000 views and
counting”. The camera pans to find Riggan sitting at the bar,
drunk. He is one of the few customers. He polishes off his
drink.
RIGGAN
Let me have another one.
BARTENDER
You got it.
The bartender pours another whiskey for Riggan. A waiter steps
up to the bar. The bartender points to a martini.
BARTENDER (CONT'D)
(To the waiter.)
That's going over to Ms. Dickinson.
Riggan's head tilts at the mention of the name. He looks over to
see Tabitha sitting at a table, scratching in her notebook.
RIGGAN
(Hands the waiter a bill.)
I got it. She's a friend of mine.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

91.

The waiter pockets the money and gives Riggan the drink. He
walks it over to Tabitha and places it down in front of her. Not
looking up, she pulls the drink closer and takes a sip.
Riggan sits down across from her. She looks up and immediately
recognizes him. He takes out the Carver cocktail napkin and
pushes it in front of her. She looks at him, and then down to
the napkin. She reads it in silence.
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
(Re: The napkin.)
That was twenty years before I put on that
damned costume.
A pause. Then she pushes the napkin back toward him.
TABITHA
I don't care.
RIGGAN
I'm just saying, when you come tomorrow
night, I want you-TABITHA
It doesn’t matter.
RIGGAN
What are you-TABITHA
I'm going to destroy your play.
RIGGAN
You haven't even seen it. I don't-- Did I
do something to offend you?
TABITHA
As a matter of fact you did. You took up
space in a theater which otherwise might
have been used on something worthwhile.
RIGGAN
But you don't even know if it's-TABITHA
That’s true. I haven't read a word of it,
or even seen a preview, but after the
opening tomorrow I'm going to turn in the
worst review anybody has ever read. And I'm
going to close your play. Would you like to
know why? Because I hate you. And everyone
you represent. Entitled. Spoiled. Selfish.
Children. Blissfully untrained, unversed
and unprepared to even attempt real art.
Handing each other awards for cartoons and
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
TABITHA (CONT'D)
pornography. Measuring your worth in
weekends. Well, this is the theater, and
you don't get to come in here and pretend
you can write, direct and act in your own
propaganda piece without going through me
first. So, break a leg.

/

92.

Tabitha goes back to her writing. Riggan sits for a moment.
RIGGAN
What has to happen in someone's life,
for them to end up becoming a critic?
She looks up at him.
RIGGAN (CONT’D)
Whatcha writin’? You reviewin’ a play? Was
it good? Bad? Did you even see it? Lemme
read.
He snatches the notebook from her.
TABITHA
I will call the police.
RIGGAN
No you won’t. Let’s read your review!
(He scans the notebook.)
“Callow”. A label. “Lackluster”. Label.
“Marginalia”. Sounds like you need
penicillin to clear that up. None the
less... label.
(Looks to Tabitha.)
All labels. You’re a lazy fucker
aren’t you?
(Looks one last time at
the notebook.)
Epistemological vertigo?
Tabitha wants to reach for the notebook, but her pride won’t
let her. Riggan takes a flower from a vase at the center of the
table.
RIGGAN (CONT’D)
You know what this is? You don’t, do
you? You can’t even see it if you don’t
label it. You mistake those sounds in
your head for true knowledge.
TABITHA
Are you finished?
RIGGAN
(Wrinkling one of the pages.)
Nothin’ about intention, structure,
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
technique. Just crappy opinions backed
up by crappy comparisons. You’re
incapable of writing more than a couple
of paragraphs, and you risk nothing of
yourself.
(He tears out the page and tosses
the notebook.)
Well, I’m an actor and this play has
cost me everything. So you can take
your cowardly, malicious, shittily
written reviews and shove them up
your... (Showing her the wrinkled
page.) ...wrinkly, tight ass.

/

93.

Riggan wears a proud smile. And suddenly, Tabitha begins to
smile with him.
TABITHA
You think you’re an actor?
(Calls to the waiter.)
Eddie!
Eddie the waiter approaches the table.
WAITER
Yeah, Mrs. Dickinson?
TABITHA
Give us some Shakespeare.
WAITER
No problem. Got anything in mind?
Tabitha looks over at Riggan picking the perfect verse.
TABITHA
The Scottish Play. Act five...
WAITER
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to
day, To the last syllable of recorded
time; And all our yesterdays have lighted
fools. The way to dusty death...
He is brilliant. The monologue is perfectly played and powerful.
Riggan being mercilessly reminded of his mediocrity... by Eddie
the waiter.
WAITER (CONT'D)
...Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a
walking shadow, a poor player, That
struts and frets his hour upon the
stage, And then is heard no more. It is
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
WAITER (CONT'D)
a tale told by an idiot, full of sound
and fury... Signifying nothing.

/

94.

A few drunks clap at the beautiful performance. Then, a powerful
silence rings out for a moment, until...
TABITHA
Thank you, Eddie.
WAITER
You got it.
TABITHA
(To Riggan. A derisive laugh.)
You're no actor. You're a celebrity.
Let's be clear on that.
Tabitha rises from her seat and grabs her things.
TABITHA (CONT’D)
I'm going to kill your play.
She walks away. Riggan sits numb. After a moment, he reaches
over and gulps down Tabitha's entire martini, gin pouring out
the sides of his mouth. Unaware, he slams the empty martini
glass on top of the Carver napkin and gets up. We follow him
out onto...
49

EXT. STREET - CONTINUOUS

49

...the street, where he walks through the theater district.
Tired. Drunk. Empty. Neon lights all around him. A