Deep Legend by DeYtH Banger (funny books to read .TXT) 📕

a favor, don't get your panties in a
twist over a preview, alright? And don't tell
me how to do my job. Cause, this is my town.
And, to be honest, nobody gives a shit about
you around here.
LADY (O.S.)
You're Riggan Thompson, right?
Two fat tourists in "Mamma Mia" t-shirts, with a seven year old
kid, approach the table.
HUSBAND
(Timidly.)
We're sorry to interrupt...
LADY
Would you mind terribly if we got a
picture?
RIGGAN
Of course. It's no trouble at all.
The Lady shoves her camera into Mike's hands.
LADY
(To Mike.)
Would you mind?
Mike gets up with a blank expression and takes the camera.
The Lady pushes the kid into the booth next to Riggan.
LADY (CONT’D)
(Ordering Mike.)
The button right on top there.
KID
Who is this guy?
LADY
(To his son.)
Come on, Billy. He used to be like Batman.
She yanks the kid closer and they squeeze up against Riggan.
Mike takes the photo and holds the camera to the lady.
LADY (CONT’D)
(To Mike)
I think you screwed that one up. Take
another one.
Mike takes another picture.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

45.

LADY (CONT’D)
(To Riggan.)
God bless you, darlin’. You're very sweet.
And handsome!
She kisses Riggan hard on the mouth. Then gets up, giddy, and
takes her son by the hand. As the couple leaves, husband shoves
a five dollar bill into Mike’s hands.
HUSBAND
We really appreciate it.
An agitated Mike takes a sip of whiskey.
MIKE
Are we good here? Cause I’m gonna go.
RIGGAN
See you tomorrow.
Mike places the dollar under one of the shot glasses and begins
to walk away, but then stops and turns curiously.
MIKE
Why Raymond Carver? You never told me.
Riggan looks at Mike for a second, than reaches for his wallet
and produces an old cocktail napkin with some writing on it. He
slides it to Mike.
RIGGAN
A long time ago, I did a play back in
high school in Michigan. He was in the
audience. He sent this backstage after.
MIKE
"Thank you for an honest performance. Ray
Carver." What is this?
Riggan looks vulnerable. He is trying to make Mike understand
the importance of the napkin, to build a bridge between them.
RIGGAN
And that's when I knew I was going to
be an actor.
Mike can't stop himself from smiling.
RIGGAN (CONT’D)
Why is that funny?
MIKE
He wrote it on a cocktail napkin.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
So...

/

46.

RIGGAN

Mike slides the napkin back to Riggan.
MIKE
He was drunk.
A17

A17
He walks away and we follow him as he passes by the bar next
to Tabitha Dickinson, the Critic.
TABITHA
You headed to Hollywood, Mike?
Mike stops.
MIKE
Hollywood's headed here, Tabby.
TABITHA
(A devilish smile.)
Good luck with that.
Mike looks directly into her eyes.
MIKE
"A man becomes a critic when he can not be an
artist, in the same way that a man becomes an
informer when he cannot be a soldier."
Flaubert, right?
He flashes his own devilish smile. She stares back. If she
weren't so much older than him, you'd swear there was sexual
electricity between them.
TABITHA
He's a Hollywood clown in a Lycra bird
suit.
MIKE
Yeah. And at 8 o'clock tomorrow, he's gonna
get on stage and risk everything. What're
you gonna be doing?
A standoff.
TABITHA
Don't you ever worry that I'll give you a
bad review?

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

47.

MIKE
Oh, I'm sure you will. If I ever give a bad
performance.
(Beat.)
Ms. Dickinson.
TABITHA
Mr. Shiner.
Mike smiles and waves over to an obviously nervous Riggan. He
goes toward the exit, but we stay with Tabitha, scribbling on
her notebook. Suddenly she raises her eyes and, with a dark
expression, looks at Riggan who is passing by.
We follow Riggan toward the exit. Through the window we see him
leave the restaurant. Then we pan to a wooden wall, and this
wall takes us to...
19

19

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - LATER

...the theater hallway. Riggan walks through the quiet corridor,
until he arrives at...
20

20

INT. GREEN ROOM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS
...the Green Room. Sam sits listlessly, drawing some lines
across a roll of toilet paper.
RIGGAN
What're you still doing here?
SAM
(Continues scribbling.)
Nothing. I’m-- Nothing. Your costumes are
hanging in your room.
Great...

RIGGAN

SAM
I got the coconut water you wanted. If you
want me to get-Hey.
What?

RIGGAN
SAM

RIGGAN
I'm not sure if I said thank you.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
For what?

/

48.

SAM

RIGGAN
All of it. You've been doing a good job.
And I've been...
Yeah.

SAM

RIGGAN
So, I just wanted to say that-(He stops abruptly.)
What is that?
What...?

SAM

RIGGAN
That smell.
I don't--

SAM

RIGGAN
Look at me.
SAM
What are you-RIGGAN
Look at me.
She does. He examines her eyes, then immediately rises, scouring
the room.
Dad...

SAM

RIGGAN
(Continuing to search.)
You have to be shitting me... Where is it?
SAM
Could we not do this?
Riggan pulls a jar of peanut butter from the trash.
RIGGAN
What is this?
SAM
That is chunky peanut butter that happens,
by the way, to have Omega-(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

49.

Riggan pulls a stubbed joint out of the jar.
This.

RIGGAN

SAM
Oh. That's pot.
Sam.

RIGGAN

SAM
Alright, just relax.
RIGGAN
Relax? What the hell are you doing?
SAM
Protecting myself from cataracts?
RIGGAN
You can't do this to me!
To you?

SAM

RIGGAN
SHUT UP! You know what I'm talking about.
SAM
Yeah. You're talking about you. What else
is new?
RIGGAN
Don't try to-SAM
What? Make it about me? I wouldn't dream of
it.
RIGGAN
Listen to me. I'm trying to do something
that's important...
SAM
This is not important.
RIGGAN
It's important to me! Alright? Maybe not to
you, or your cynical playmates whose sole
ambition is to end up going viral and who,
by the way, will only be remembered as the
generation that finally stopped talking to
one another. But to me... To me... This is-God. This is my career, this is my chance
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

RIGGAN (CONT'D)
to do some work that actually means
something.

10/29/14

/

50.

SAM
Means something to who? You had a career
before the third comic book movie, before
people began to forget who was inside the
bird costume. You're doing a play based on
a book that was written 60 years ago, for
a thousand rich, old white people whose
only real concern is gonna be where they
go to have their cake and coffee when it's
over. Nobody gives a shit but you. And
let's face it, Dad, it's not for the sake
of art. It's because you just want to feel
relevant again. Well, there's a whole
world out there where people fight to be
relevant every day. And you act like it
doesn't even exist! Things are happening
in a place that you willfully ignore, a
place that has already forgotten you. I
mean who are you? You hate bloggers. You
make fun of twitter. You don't even have a
Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't
exist. You're doing this because you're
scared to death, like the rest of us, that
you don't matter. And you know what?
You're right. You don't. It's not
important. You're not important. Get used
to it.
Silence. Riggan seems devastated, and Sam can see that.
Dad...

Sam (CONT'D)

She looks at him sympathetically, but not knowing what to
say... exits.
After a moment Riggan gets up and heads for the trash can. He
digs out the roach, grabs some matches and lights it. Music
begins to sound. He inhales deeply and holds the smoke for a
few seconds and finally exhales. He coughs, tosses away the
joint and heads out of the kitchen. We follow him...
21

INT. HALLWAY - THEATRE - CONTINUOUS

21

...as he slowly walks until he disappears into the darkness of
the corridor. We keep moving forward until we end up...

10/29/14
A21

/

INT. BACKSTAGE - THEATRE - EVENING

51.
A21

...backstage. We are in the middle of the second preview. The
music continues, it belongs to the play.
Laura is by herself on stage performing the end of a scene. She
stands in the middle of a surrealistic forest set, at dusk.
There is fog, and trees. A strong, artificial wind blows
through Laura’s hair. Desolate music.
LAURA
(To the audience as soliloquy.)
In the days before Nick’s depression really
started to eat away at him, he had no idea
I was pregnant. And I never intended on
telling him. I guess we make choices in
life, and we choose to live with them. Or
not. I didn’t want that baby...
Three dancers on stage pass by in front of Laura. We follow
the dancers backstage where we find Mike and Lesley wearing
pajamas.
LAURA (O.S.) (CONT’D)
...Not because I didn’t love Nick. And not
because I didn’t love the-- The idea of
it. But because I just wasn’t ready to
love myself. There’s a certain distance to
it all now. A wistful distance.
Underscored by a gentle breeze and the
sound of the birds... laughing at the
whimsy of it all.
A stage hand helps Mike and Lesley into a double bed. The
camera slips under the covers with them and stays there.
MIKE
(Whispering.)
Hey, Les...
LESLEY
(Whispering.)
What?
I'm hard.

MIKE

LESLEY
No, you're not. It's just that sometimes
you don't consider other people's feelings.
MIKE
No. I'm hard. Feel.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

52.

LESLEY
Oh, you gotta be kidding.
The stage begins to revolve as we hear...
22

INT. STAGE - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

22

...music through the transition. It remains dark.
MIKE
Let's really do this. Let's fuck.
LESLEY
Are you crazy? No.
Mike rolls on top of Lesley.
LESLEY (CONT'D)
Cut it out...
Mike continues to maneuver himself.
LESLEY (CONT'D)
I'm serious, Mike. Stop!
MIKE
I'm Mel. Not Mike. Mel.
A knock on a door.
RIGGAN (O.S.)
Terri! Terri!
A furious Lesley tries to reposition herself under Mike.
RIGGAN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Terri! I know you're in there!
The knocking gets louder.
Terri???

RIGGAN (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Mike, lost in his libido, has begun to have sex with Lesley.
The camera comes out from under the covers and pans to Riggan
who stumbles into what is now the Motel Room set. He wears a
mustache and a long wig, that makes him look like a wild man.
He holds a gun in his right hand. A neon "Motel" sign is
illuminated. A clever effect of falling rain is visible behind
the set, accompanied by the appropriate sound effect. Riggan
is wet because of the "rain".
Lesley uses Riggan's entrance to escape from Mike.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
Ed!

/

53.

LESLEY

Mike hops out of bed, unaware of the very noticeable erection
protruding underneath his pajama bottoms.
Some laughter from the audience.
LESLEY (CONT'D)
What are you doing here?
Lesley doesn't understand the audience response, until she
notices the erection herself.
RIGGAN
(To Lesley.)
Why? I need you to tell me why. I lived for
you. I worshipped you...
MIKE
Listen Ed, I know this is hard but-More laughter. Riggan is disturbed, but he continues...
RIGGAN
(to Mike)
Fuck you. Shut up. Fuck you.
He shoves Mike violently to the floor.
LESLEY
Eddie! Please!
Riggan points the gun at Mike's head.
RIGGAN
What's wrong with me? Why do I end up
having to beg people to love me?
LESLEY
Ed. Eddie. Please... Give me the gun.
She begins to cry. Her performance is beautiful.
LESLEY (CONT'D)
Just look at me. I was drowning. I
was not capable of-- You deserve to
be loved. You do.
RIGGAN
I just wanted to be what you wanted.
(Beat.)
Now I spend every fucking minute praying to
be someone else. Someone I'm not. Anyone...
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

54.

MIKE
Put down the gun, Ed. She just doesn't love
you anymore.
The audience is silent.
RIGGAN
(A sad smile.)
You don't, do you?
LESLEY
(With sympathy.)
No...
RIGGAN
And you never will...
I'm sorry.

LESLEY

RIGGAN
(A revelation.)
I don't exist. I'm not even here. I don't
exist. None of this matters.
Riggan points the gun at Lesley. Then at Mike. Finally, he puts
the gun to his own head and pulls the trigger. PUM! And with the
explosion, a fake blood mechanism splatters brains onto the
stage. Riggan drops to the floor.
A blackout. The audience applauds politely. The curtain falls.
We follow Riggan off stage and into...
23

INT. BACKSTAGE - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

23

...the wings, where Annie immediately helps him remove the
bloody and wet wig with the propeller mechanism. Laura waits
next to them for their bows. Meanwhile, a stage hand crosses
behind them, and we follow him as he goes on stage to...
24

INT. STAGE - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

24

...reposition some scenery for the curtain call. The camera
carries us to the other side of the stage, where Mike and Lesley
are in a heated exchange...
MIKE
Just, keep your voice down...
LESLEY
(Furious.)
You have to be shitting me. You can't get it
up in six months...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
LESLEY (CONT'D)
(She starts hitting him.)
...and now you try to fuck me in front of
eight hundred strangers???

/

55.

MIKE
What do you want from me? I have to feel it.
You know that. I told you that from the-LESLEY
Oh, fuck you...
Music begins and the curtain rises. The audience applauds as
Lesley and Mike stride onto the stage and take their bows,
smiles plastered on their faces.
MIKE
...I was in the moment...
LESLEY
I told you to stop. You fucking animal.
MIKE
But... You were incredible.
LESLEY
What is wrong with you?
Lesley starts back for the wings, and Mike follows her. In the
background we see Riggan and Laura enter from the other side to
take their bows.
MIKE
Listen I’m sorry, alright, I-LESLEY
I want your shit out of the apartment.
They go back on stage and join Riggan and Laura for the company
bow.
Can we--

MIKE

LESLEY
No we can't. Maybe up here you’re Mr. Truth,
Mike. But in the real world, where it counts,
you're a fraud. How's that for truth? You...
dick.
Lesley storms off, leaving Mike and a confused Riggan on stage.
Laura chases her off and straight into...

10/29/14
25

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

/

56.
25

...the hallway.
LAURA
What's going on?
LESLEY
He's an asshole.
LAURA
What did he do now?
LESLEY
Oh, nothing. He just tried to fuck me in
front of a full house.
LAURA
Oh, my God...
Right?

LESLEY

LAURA
That’s kind of hot.
She follows Lesley into...
26

26
INT. LESLEY AND LAURA'S DRESSING ROOM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS
...the dressing room and closes the door. Lesley proceeds to
smash everything on her dressing table. Then she looks in the
mirror holding a hairbrush.
LESLEY
Why don't I have any self-respect?
LAURA
You're an actress, honey.
Lesley begins to cry. Laura hugs her.
LESLEY
I’m pathetic. You know, I’ve dreamt of
being a Broadway actress since I was a
little kid. And now I’m here. And