Deep Legend by DeYtH Banger (funny books to read .TXT) 📕

I’m not a
Broadway actress. I’m still just a little
kid. And I keep waiting for someone to tell
me I made it.
LAURA
(Hiding how moved she is.)
Hey. You made it.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
I did?

/

57.

LESLEY

LAURA
Sadly, it was with Mike Shiner, on a fake
motel bed, in front of-LESLEY
(A little laugh.)
Shut. Up.
Riggan steps into the doorway and sees Laura hugging Lesley.
RIGGAN
Is she okay?
LAURA
She's gonna be fine.
Riggan enters gingerly and walks up to Lesley.
RIGGAN
None of this is your fault.
(Into her eyes.)
You're beautiful. And talented. And I'm
lucky to have you. Okay?
Okay.
Okay.

LESLEY
RIGGAN

Riggan leaves the room. Laura leans on the makeup table.
LESLEY
That was very sweet.
Yeah.

LAURA

Laura is suddenly teary.
LESLEY
What's wrong?
A beat.
LAURA
(Smiling.)
Nothing. Two years, he's never said
anything like that to me.

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

58.

LESLEY
(Into her eyes.)
Hey. You're smart. And beautiful. And
talented. And I'm lucky to have you. Okay?
LAURA
We’re gross.
We are.

LESLEY

Laura smiles and caresses Lesley’s hand. They look at each
other. Then Laura leans forward, close to Lesley’s face...
LESLEY (CONT’D)
(Nervous.)
What are you doing?
Nothing.

LAURA

Laura kisses Lesley tenderly on the lips. Lesley seems
confused. A few seconds of silence. Then...
LESLEY
Do it again.
Laura kisses her again. A knock at the door. They separate.
Mike opens the door holding the prop gun.
MIKE
(To Lesley.)
Can we talk about this like two-Lesley hurls the hair brush at his head.
LESLEY
FUCK YOU!!!
MIKE
Okay, well, you're not ready.
Mike points the prop gun at her, pretends to fire and...
MIKE (CONT’D)
That was hot.
He exits the room. We follow him...
27

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

27

...down the hallway up to Riggan's dressing room. Riggan sits
at his table, picking the brains out of his hair.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

59.

MIKE
(Holding the gun.)
Your gun is ridiculous. It looks like a
plastic toy. And it still has the red plug
in the barrel.
(Shows the plug.)
You look like a seven year old when
you’re holding it. I'm not threatened
by it at all.
He tosses the gun onto Riggan's table.
MIKE (CONT’D)
Have some self respect and get a new one.
(Takes a step then turns.)
That was a fun crowd, huh?
We follow Mike to...
28

28

INT. STAIRS - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...the stairs. He climbs them as he lights a cigarette. He goes
through a metal door that takes him out onto...
29

EXT. ROOFTOP - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

29

...a rooftop. The Marquis' of the other theaters glowing with
the street lamps, a classic Broadway view.
Mike is surprised to find Sam sitting on the cornice of the
building, a good fifty feet above 45th street. He goes next to
her, looking down at the street.
MIKE
I don't think it's high enough.
Sam turns to him, uncomfortable by his presence.
SAM
Me neither.
MIKE
So, what are you doing up here?
SAM
(Hesitant.)
Adrenaline. Just came out of rehab. Closest
I get to a drug.
MIKE
You were in rehab?
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

60.

SAM
(Distant.)
Yeah.
Cool.

MIKE

SAM
It wasn't all Dr. Drew or anything, but
that dude from American Pie was there.
A VOICE
(From the street below.)
Juuump!
SAM
(Calling down.)
Eat me!
A VOICE
Okay. Jump on my face!
SAM
(To Mike.)
I love this city.
Yeah.

MIKE

SAM
(Casually.)
Why do you act like a dick all the time? Do
you just do it to antagonize people?
Maybe...

MIKE

Sam turns and faces Mike.
SAM
You really don't give a shit if people like
you or not...
MIKE
Not really.
SAM
(More comfortable.)
God, that's cool.
Is it...?

MIKE

Mike leans on the railing, looking down at the street. For a
moment, he is somewhere else...
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
Hey.

/

61.

SAM

(Mike doesn't respond. She pushes
him.)
Hey...
What?

MIKE

SAM
Let's play a game.
A game?
Yeah.

MIKE
SAM

MIKE
What are you, eight?
SAM
What are you, seventy-eight? Truth or
dare...?
MIKE
You gotta be-SAM
Truth or dare?
He looks at her, intrigued.
Truth.

MIKE

SAM
The first time we met, you made a comment about
my ass. Why'd you do it?
MIKE
Because you have a great ass, and I noticed
it. So, I said it.
(A beat.)
Truth or dare?
Dare.
Really...
Uh-huh.

SAM
MIKE
SAM
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

62.

A moment of tension.
MIKE
(Looking at the street.)
There’s a bald guy about to walk by down
there. Spit on his head.
No!

SAM

MIKE
You said dare.
Truth.
Too late.

SAM
MIKE

She stares into Mike's eyes, knowing she's being tested. She
leans over the railing and spits down toward the street.
Happy?

SAM

MAN (O.C.)
(From the street)
Fuck you!
Sam laughs. Mike smiles at her carefree laugh. It could be the
first time we've seen a genuine smile from him.
SAM
Truth or dare?
Truth.

MIKE

SAM
You're boring.
Truth.

MIKE

She stares him down.
SAM
(Nervous, pretending.)
Do you want to fool around with me?
A pause.
No.

MIKE
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

63.

SAM
(Taken aback.)
Really? Why not?
MIKE
That's a second question.
SAM
It's a second part.
A pause.
MIKE
I'd be afraid I couldn't get it up.
Impressed with his honesty.
SAM
That didn't seem to be a problem for you on
stage.
MIKE
Nothing’s a problem for me on stage.
SAM
I wanna ask another question...
MIKE
You just asked-One more.
Go 'head.

SAM
MIKE

SAM
If you weren't afraid. What would you want
to do to me?
He carefully considers it, then moves his face close to hers.
MIKE
I would want to pull the eyes out of your
head...
SAM
...That's sweet...
MIKE
...And stick them in my skull, and then
look out at this street and see it the way
I saw it when I was your age.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

64.

Mike turns and stares out at the street once more. Sam stares
at the mystery that is Mike.
SAM
G'night, Mike.
She walks away and into the building, never looking back.
A29

A29
Mike stares out into the night. We move to his POV. The street.
Night turns to day. Pedestrians begin to walk below.

B29

B29
We crawl down the wall until we arrive at Riggan's dressing
room window. We push in to find...

30

INT. RIGGAN'S DRESSING ROOM - THEATER - DAY

30

...Riggan siting with his feet on the window frame, staring at
a manila envelope in his hands that reads... "R, MALIBU
REFINANCE DOCS. SIGN AND SEND ASAP. J." Riggan sighs and props
the letter up against the mirror.
With a soft knock, Laura enters. She stands in the doorway with
an odd expression on her face.
What now?

RIGGAN

Laura lays the Arts section of the New York Times down in front
of Riggan.
LAURA
Don't kill the messenger.
Riggan picks up the paper. His expression immediately changes.
Laura watches him sympathetically.
LAURA (CONT'D)
He's an asshole.
Now we see the cover of the Arts section. There is a picture
of Mike lounging on a black sofa, his bare feet on a table as
he sips a glass of wine. The Title of the article reads...
"CARVING OUT HIS PLACE IN THEATER HISTORY. Shiner says Raymond
Carver is the reason he became an actor." Riggan involuntarily
squeezes the paper as he reads on, filling with rage.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
He’s fooling you.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
Shut up.

/

65.

RIGGAN

LAURA
(Confused.)
I didn't say anything.
RIGGAN
Fuck. This is it?
(He passes a few pages.)
This can't be it.
LAURA
Page twelve.
Riggan searches desperately for page twelve. When he gets
there, he finds a huge ad of the new Toyota Camry that almost
fills the entire page, and down in the left corner a tiny
press release with the title:
"From Birdman to Carver: An aging Action Hero Grasps for His
Youth."
RIGGAN
(Reading.)
"Riggan Thompson, better known as the face of
the Birdman films, tries not to lay an egg on
Broadway..."
(Flipping pages.)
Where's the rest of it?
LAURA
There is no rest of it.
RIGGAN
They didn’t use the photo I sent them.
LAURA
What photo?
RIGGAN
The one you liked. The one you said
I look like a young Jack Nicholson.
LAURA
(She lights a candle.)
Don't worry about it. Someone'll be using
that to pick up dog shit tomorrow.
RIGGAN
How can you be so calm about this?
LAURA
What are my other choices?
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

66.

RIGGAN
Aren't you scared at all?
LAURA
About what?
RIGGAN
About being humiliated out there.
LAURA
It won't be the first time I've been
humiliated.
RIGGAN
I bet it won't.
Laura looks at him with fire in her eyes.
LAURA
You're an asshole.
She charges to the door and is about to leave when she turns
back to Riggan...
LAURA (CONT'D)
By the way... I'm not pregnant. So there's
one thing you don’t have to worry about.
She leaves, slamming the door behind her.
Riggan remains still. Mike seems to be smirking at him right
through the cover of the Arts section...
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
That pretentious, little, theater fuck is
stealing your thunder.
Riggan charges out of the room and into...
31

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

31

...the hallway. He walks to Mike's dressing room, finds the
door half opened and enters...
32

INT. MIKE'S DRESSING ROOM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

32

...discovering Mike lying in a sun bed. His arm is sticking
out of it, holding on to a copy of Borges's 'Labyrinths'.
Riggan yanks the sun bed open. Mike is asleep, wearing tiny
sun goggles. Riggan slams the lid down on him.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14
MIKE
What the fuck is going on!
Get up!
Back away.
Get up.

RIGGAN
MIKE
RIGGAN

Riggan slaps Mike on the arm.
MIKE
Ow, fuck that hurts!
RIGGAN
So, Carver is the reason you became an
actor?
What?

MIKE

RIGGAN
This is my play! I did the work. I raised the
money. I arrange the press.
MIKE
They called me for an interview. I said-- I
don't know, I said the first thing that
came to mind. Jesus, we got the cover of
the Arts section!
RIGGAN
You said the first-- Fuck the Arts section.
The first thing that came to mind? Right.
Cause that's you. Mr. Natural. Mr. Fuck the
scene, just stare at my massive hard-on.
Because that's the truth of the moment.
MIKE
You think it looked massive?
RIGGAN
Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You don't get
hard on my stage unless I tell you to.
MIKE
Your stage? This stage belonged to a lot of
great actor's, pal. But you are not one of
them.
Mike storms out of the room. Riggan follows him into...

/

67.

10/29/14
33

/

INT. HALLWAY - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

68.
33

...the hallway. He slaps Mike on his sun burned back.
RIGGAN
So, you wrote your own lines?
He slaps him again.
MIKE
Ow. Fuck. Yes I did.
RIGGAN
You changed a few words, and mumbled a
little, you self absorbed prick.
MIKE
Look who's talking...
RIGGAN
Let me tell you something, you spiteful
nobody piece of shit.
MIKE
Nobody? My hard-on has already fifty
thousand views on youtube.
RIGGAN
Fifty thousand views? A cat playing with
a dildo has more than that.
MIKE
I don't care.
RIGGAN
Yes you do.
(Beat.)
Everybody says: "Mike is so honest". (Smacks
him.) "So truthful". (Smacks him again.)
MIKE
(Like a child.)
Ouch. Fuuuuuck. Cut the shit!
Riggan corners Mike against the wall.
RIGGAN
You said in the interview that your father
was a drunk, like Carver. Is that true
Mike? Is it really true?
Riggan stares intensely into Mike's eyes. Mike looks away.

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

69.

RIGGAN (CONT'D)
Because my father was. My father was a mean
fucking drunk. Beat the shit out of us. But
we were okay with the beatings. You know
why? Because at least when he was beating
us, he wasn't thinking about taking us out
to his tool shed...
Mike's expression changes.
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
That sonofabitch would smile and say, "Do
you want to kneel down and unbuckle my
belt? Or do you want me to take it off and
use it?" I learned how to make myself numb.
But my sister-- (Holding back tears.) My
little sister...
Riggan can't go on. Mike is horrified.
MIKE
Jesus, Riggan. I'm really sorry. I
didn't-- That's fucking horrible...
RIGGAN
(Crazy smile.)
Yeah. It's also not true. See? (Cracking
up.) I can pretend too, you little dick!
Riggan shoves Mike violently.
RIGGAN (CONT’D)
Don't fuck with me, Mike.
MIKE
You're crazy...
RIGGAN
You have no idea what I'm capable of. You
understand me?
Riggan pulls the paper out of his back pocket.
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
Working with Riggan Thomson is like
waltzing with a monkey?
He smacks Mike in the head with the paper and begins to jump in
front of him, ready to fight.
RIGGAN (CONT'D)
Let’s go. Put your hands up.

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

70.

MIKE
(Tauntingly.)
Don't you want to go put on your tights and
your-Riggan punches him on the face. Mike needs a few seconds to
understand what has just happened. Then they begin to wrestle
in the hallway. Mike breaks free from the headlock.
MIKE (CONT’D)
What are you gonna do? You gonna get rid of
me? Huh? What do you think my friend
Tabitha is going to write in the Times
after you get rid of me?
Riggan stares at Mike, paralyzed by the truth. Finally, he
turns and marches to his dressing room, and we follow him...
34

34

INT. RIGGAN'S DRESSING ROOM - THEATER - CONTINUOUS

...Riggan slams the door shut and paces in a rage. He glares at
a make-up box on the table and, points his finger at it, and
sends it flying across the room.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
You are lame, Riggan. Rolling around
with that third rate actor in an 800
seat shithole like this.
RIGGAN
(Whispering.)
Breathing in, I feel my rage. Breathing
out, I embrace my mental formations.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
You're going to let that poncey theater
fuck threaten you?
Riggan continues breathing deeply with his eyes tightly closed.
He smiles a tiny artificial smile.
RIGGAN
(Whispering.)
Breathing in, I am calm. Breathing out,
I ignore my mental formations. This is a
mental formation. This is a mental form-BIRDMAN (V.O.)
Stop that shit. I am not a mental
formation. I am "you", asshole.
Riggan looks down at the poster on the floor.
(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

71.

RIGGAN
(Whispering.)
Leave me alone.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
You were a movie star, remember?
Pretentious, but happy...
Riggan opens his eyes, slowly. A sad expression on his face.
RIGGAN
I was not happy.
BIRDMAN
...Ignorant but charming. Now you are a
tiny bitter cocksucker.
RIGGAN
Shut up! Stop whining! I was miserable!
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
Yeah. But fake miserable. Hollywood
miserable.
Riggan points his fingers at a lamp and sends it flying.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
What are you trying to prove? Huh? That
you’re an artist? You’re not.
Fuck you!

RIGGAN

Riggan points his fingers at a chair and sends it flying.
BIRDMAN (V.O.)
Fuck you, coward! And fuck those critics
that made you quit. Our franchise
grossed billions worldwi-RIGGAN
And billions of flies eat shit everyday!
So what? Does that make it good? (Beat.)
And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but
that was 1992! Look at me! (He takes off
his shirt.) This is what's left!
(Grabbing his neck.) This! (Grabbing his
chest.) This! (Totally exploding.) I'm
fucking disappearing! I'm the answer to a
fucking trivial pursuit question.
Riggan sits down, exhausted.

(CONTINUED)

10/29/14

/

72.

RIGGAN (CONT'D)
What part of that don't you