Many poems dedicated to you... by Hannah Pate (finding audrey .txt) 📕

yet I have no idea what your reaction would be to me even sending a text.  I'm so confused and so sad.  Some of the people in my 8th hour say I should dump him.  It's not just the fact of what he did today, it's the fact he is constantly making me feel insecure and like I'm not good enough.  Like I'm just an object because he's the boy and I'm the girl.  He makes me feel stupid most of the time.  But yet he constantly compliments me saying I'm pretty.  How could I believe him now?  The other girl is way more attractive than I am, believe me.  Of course he'll look at her and want to touch, yet right next to me?  It would be wrong to do it when I'm not around, yet even worse when I witness it.  Am I overreacting? I'm just so confused. March 8th, 2019 9:08 p.m

 I can't take back the things I said.  I messed up big time. You're right, I'm being childish.  You're always right love...

March 18th, 2019 9:35 p.m

 Im so tired, yet i can't sleep.  My boyfriend said he loved me over spring break and I almost died. He walked me home from school today and it was amazing.  He met my dogs, he kinda freaked out when one of them licked his teeth but he was okay with it.  He met my mom for the first time and that went okay.  She hasn't said anything about it so hopefully she liked him.

 

April 1st, 2019 10:12 p.m

I am so very tired.  I haven't been sleeping much since I started my new job.  Also since I left my boyfriend.  I broke up with him for a variety of reasons, none of which I want to share on here.  I am hurt over it, and I was the one who left him.  I was finally able to buy a new keyboard and mouse for my computer at home so i can type off my computer and not from my phone or tablet.  I made around 60 dollars in tips over the last three days at work so I am pretty happy about that.  I have been so unmotivated to do much of anything as of recently.  I have just been watching old Disney shows and movies that I used to love and secretly still adore.  I have a couple of days off from work so I am going to use that time to cuddle with my dog.  I haven't gotten to see for very long in the last few days because of work and school.  I'm very stressed and need a break from everything.  Welp, i guess back to old shows. :)

April 12th 2019, 11:28 p.m

 I broke up wjth my boyfriend.  About 2 weeks ago.  He refuses to look at me or speak to me.  He only says something when we're partners in French.  I asked how he was the other day and he was a cuck and said "why do you keep asking" I'm like maybe I actually care about you ?

I'm sad about it, I might always be, yet he just wanted sex. Like the rest..

 

April 23rd

 Oh, how I miss you...

Don't

 You liked my hair long.  You didn't want me to cut it off because my hair was the prettiest thing about me. I'm sorry, I broke my promise.

Firsts

 Real first sexual experience yesterday. Does that make you think less of me? Let me say this, no, we didn't have sex, we both wanted to but we were scared.  Besides, it really hurt. He gave me some fat hickeys though. I left a couple more to add to the collection.

May 20th, 2019

 Sex.  It's a simple thing really. Body parts go into other parts whether it's wanted or not.  I had sex today, for the first time.  Let me just tell you, it wasn't some grand thing, that's for sure.  It wasn't bad, it wasn't rushed, it was just sex.  It was good, I would say.  He was gentle. It would have happened earlier in the day but my mom called before anything happened.  We went back to my house from his.  After a while we went back to his.  We laid on his couch, my head was in his lap, it was grand.  All of the sudden he started kissing me, I kissed him back, he started touching me so we went to his room and it happened.  It wasnt fast, it was slow.  It was good.

I love you

 Its been a month since I got back with my boyfriend, it's been grand, he's been my first everything really, my first kiss was trash and I didn't want him so I count my boyfriend as of now as my first kiss, my first real love honestly.  I never want it to end, I adore him...