Many poems dedicated to you... by Hannah Pate (finding audrey .txt) 📕

Here is the first thing I ever wrote about him... When I actually believed everything he said...  I now know that everything was a lie...

Maybe it was just a fantasy,

Maybe it was just a dream.

I will never know

But, what I do know is that I am hopelessly in love with you.

Maybe it was just a phase,

I am hoping it isn't.

Hopefully you won't leave me,

Hopefully you mean everything that you say.

You said you want to be with me forever,

Do you really?

I know I want you forever...

I love you...

You're my boy

I would never do anything to hurt you

I care so much about you that it hurts

It hurts to breathe

That's how hopelessly in love with you I am

Every time I get a message

My heart skips a beat

The air is taken from my lungs and I have to catch my breath every time

You make me feel this way My Boy

And I haven't felt this way in awhile

Not since the last one… Months ago

He hurt me

But you fixed me...

I'm not so broken now

I can finally say that I am no longer in love with him

Not since I met you

I fell for you even though I shouldn't have

You had such a way with words

You made me feel like I was the most important person in the world

I want to meet you

I really do

I want to hug, hold, and kiss you so bad

You make me happy Johnny...

Happier than I have ever been...

You're broken

I am too

But I think, with a bit of time, we can help fix each other

And make each other whole again

I will be here to hold your hand when times get tough

I will be here to hold you back when you feel the need to cut

I will be here always and forever to make sure you are happy

I want to keep you happy for as long as I can.

I love you…

I hope you feel the same...

Here's a story, you have never heard.  It's the story on you and me. 

It wasn't just the way your hands shook as you messaged me back, nor was it the way you could never look me in the eyes while speaking to me.It was the way you coughed while you took drag after drag on that cigarette that blunt, that whatever that was in your hand. I admired the way you still talked to me even when you were half stoned, even when you were so high that you couldn't see straight. I love that about you, no matter what you always talked to me. Even when your family was being loud and annoying you always found the time to say something to me, no matter what it was.  We haven't done that in over a month. I haven't heard your actual voice since may, and it kills me, I would have heard it in June, yet I was in school and couldn't answer the call, I still believe that if I answered that call, you would have never gone to the place you did, you would have never had to leave the boys home, you would still have your tablet at your disposal, you wouldn't have wanted to go to the hospital... and I probably wouldn’t blame myself for you jumping out of that window. We had a fight, you left super pissed at me and I didn't try and stop you from leaving... I apologized multiple times for yelling at you that day, the last thing you said that day was, "I love you, bye" I knew something was wrong, I should have tried to make you stay a bit longer, maybe then you wouldn't have jumped, and maybe I wouldn't be writing this speech, explaining myself and how I think it's my fault, you didn't message me for a week, I was so worried, I texted saying I was having a mental breakdown and all that you said was, "Don't, please" a week later, I cried, I told you that you scared me, you asked why, I said I thought something bad happened, and that is when you told me about you jumping out of that window... I cried even harder as I wrote back, I was panicking, yet you were so calm, you kept telling me you were okay, and I believed it, every time you said it. You calmed me down so much, you were so sweet, you said I love you twice in one message and I think my heart melted reading it. I love you... and I always will...

This is dedicated to you

Yes, you

Once again

You are like nicotine

And I’m the addict

Whenever you come around, I get more and more addicted

I smoke you every time

And it just keeps getting worse

You left me, when I needed you most of all

You were gone for 2 weeks before messaging me to end it

Saying you can’t handle it

Yet here I am, still addicted to you

And I think I always will be 

I loved the way you looked at me

The way your eyes lit up every time you saw me

But now, they don't have that same spark in them like they once did

They don't have that spark anymore

They look dull and lifeless looking at me through the phone

Like you are haunted and you are just breathing

Like you don't have any control over you own body

You are just living, waiting for the day you die like life is such a bad thing

When it only wants to be here and alive

In a soul that doesn't want to live

Us as suicidal kids, we don't want to live

But our life does

And when we end it, it's just over

In reality, nobody will miss your life, but they will miss you

You as a person

And if that doesn't sadden you, nothing will.

 Why? Just why? Why do you make me feel this way? You make me feel so important, you make me feel loved, yet you end it, just like that? You are every wish I have ever had, everything I have ever wanted and I can't let you go... I keep taking drag after drag of you, and I can't stop, I just can't... I love you... You say you love me, even when you left, you keep saying I love you to me, and I say it back, yet sometimes, I don't think you mean it.

You messaged me today

When I saw you active, my heart died a bit

Because you are alive

When I thought you weren't

But there you were

I have no idea where you were

I asked if you hated me

You said no

And that we needed to talk

So we talked, yet I am still sad about you

I didn't remember our would have been 3 months on the 16th

I think that is a sign that I am letting you go

And hopefully that is what this is

Because I can't go on loving someone who doesn't love me back

Last time you messaged you said you were gonna come back to me

Yet, when you messaged today you said you weren't ready

That you couldn't come back

And I took that as you are never coming back

Hopefully we can still be friend's

Hopefully you'll message me every once in awhile

Just to ask how I'm doing

Or to tell me how you are doing

I still want that at least

And if it doesn't happen?

Then it's your loss

You say that you don't think you are right for me

Yet, you are the only one I want

Not much anymore since what happened before

But when I see your name on my screen my heart skips a beat

So I know you will still have that effect on me

You say you aren't the right one when you are

I can see a future with you

But, obviously you can't see that like I can

And that makes me sad...

Because I truly love you...

Yet you don't love me the same way...