My IMperfect Love Life by Neha Dua (audio ebook reader txt) 📕

studying continuously for 2-3 hours when he started to tease me with his hands on my hands and his foot on my foot. He suddenly came closer to me and tried to kiss. I was afraid of my parents in the next room and I pushed him away. We grew our bonding on each level and with every meeting.

 

He was even introduced to my group chats and parties to be friends with my girls also. But with the closeness of him in my friend circle, I got anxious when he started to feel special about my best friend Charlotte and started to ignore me. I started to become his second option. By the end of last year of university studies, they all started to spend more time together and always forgot to include me, who introduced them all together. This made me feel alone and develop little negative feelings for my best friend also.

 

I tried to soothe myself about such feelings, but they continued to grow when I saw that Ashley took advantage of the things, I told her about Andrew and Charlotte's closeness and used them against me only. Then, when I tried to clarify the things, which were used against me for no reason by Ashley, my best friend got pissed off and we both had a bad fight at college premises. This jealousy grew more and ended my relationship as well as friendship with my whole group.

Chapter 3

Now, it’s been two years since I completed my graduation and pursued my higher studies. In my final year, with two guys in our group due to drama classes, named Andy who was 6’0 feet tall with short hair and black eyes, was in a relationship already with some other girl from our college and Raven who was tall, dark and handsome with 6’0 feet height and smooth jelly-like lips, had a crush on my group mate and me both. My groupmate was a bit of a show-off girl, with her clothes a little bit of revealing, the way she used to walk, and her way of talking was always to have more people to attract towards her.

 

Raven approached my group mate and made her his girlfriend. They were having feelings for each other and used to spend a lot of time together in college and after college. Raven and I remained as a good friend. We both liked each other as a good friend and always enjoyed each other’s company, but I stayed out of their league for their relation to grow when his girlfriend confessed in front of me in the washroom during our play rehearsal that she is in love with him and she gets bothered by me being around him.

 

I started to ignore Raven’s messages and calls in college and after college hours for her sake as she was my friend, but then it was Raven who became angry with his girlfriend for approaching me negatively and he tried to push her away because of such a situation. Being afraid to lose him, his girlfriend called me and requested me to come back into Raven’s life as a good friend like we used to be.

 

The jealousy of his girlfriend continued to grow and she became too much possessive and pushy on him. She started to blame and accuse me of the things I didn’t do and started to create problems in between me and Raven. She did things under the name of Raven and made those look like he did them intentionally to me.

 

She passed on comments that started to spoil my image in front of other people but thank god I had made good friends like Andy and others, who always stood by my side during such phases of my college life. Raven’s girlfriend threatens him to break his friendship with me if he wants to continue his relationship with her. Till that time, he was also in love with her and got away with his girlfriend breaking our friendship.

 

Meanwhile, the girl whom Andy was with, ditched him. We all friends used to console him and then after few months, he confessed his feelings for me. Again here, I was never a priority to any of them also but I didn’t take it seriously at that time.

 

We were in a happy relationship for almost a year when he started to be more possessive than required and intervened into my personal space. He used to watch my steps after office hours, barged into my friends and my colleagues' parties and meetings. We broke up after that because the relationship was turning out to be suffocating.

Chapter 4

Since then, it’s been a year, I had changed my personality when I started working. I worked hard to get an opportunity in my favorite field of study. I was always put into a team where there were more guys and less of girls. I started to build up myself being interactive to anyone and everyone, whether a girl or a boy.

 

Two guys had a crush on me. One of them was my colleague named Ricky and the other being my senior named Ben. Ricky was of my height, with a thin build and curly hair, whereas, Ben was thin, tall, fair and of an average build. My colleague and my senior, they both were in an unsaid relationship with their girls at that time. I never indulged myself in their relationships statuses even if I wanted to as a friend, because of my bad past experiences of remaining a good friend also.

 

Ricky broke up with his girl because of her insecurities and her thoughts about me being into his group. Ricky started to lose his focus on his career because of all these things. Ricky and I tried to maintain a good friendship with each other even after his girlfriend left him, but he being not at all serious about his career, and always putting his career and ambitions on the back foot, made me realize that it’s time for me to move on and get on with my life and let him build his career and support his family. I was never interested to grow my friendship with Ricky to another level. I was happy being friends with him as my team mate. Whereas, Ben never approached me directly but he tried to approach me through chats and calls late at night also. I planned to change my organisation because of such a dirty environment that was being created by all of these. After I left that organization, the way he was thinking about me and my friendship with him pushed me away from even being friends with him. I complained about Ben to his parents and they took him with them away from my city.

 

As I reached home from my last day at job, I had no feelings left for "True Friendship, Love and Their Existence". My mom was in the kitchen preparing dinner, she came over to me quickly, “What’s wrong?” she inquired, her voice soothing and relaxing. She always seemed to immediately know, as if there was some “motherly sense” all mothers had, when I was upset in any way. “Nothing”, I whispered with so much effort to breathe and gasp out the words. I rushed into my room quickly, while acting like nothing has happened.

 

A single tear exited the corner of my eye, dribbling down my cheek and chin. I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts, pausing when I reached a name. I pressed the call button but then quickly, I disconnected the call, which I had dialled to my childhood friend. My eyes were full of so many tears that it was getting hard to see, my eyesight blurred by the tears.

 

Thousands of questions seared through me, Why? Why did everything turn out this way? Why couldn’t everything just be completely and totally perfect for once?

 

Years passed by like this only and I lost many of my old friends and deep friendships one by one due to unavoidable circumstances. Some went out of the country for higher studies, some didn’t contact me back even after knowing that I was always trying my best to stay in contact with them, some didn’t respect my friendship level and some due to the things that people said to them and they believed them.

Chapter 5

I started to have chats with my school mates, both girls, and boys. A school guy named Adi who was taller than me and around 5’11 feet, dark and handsome guy with silky smooth hair and manly voice and strong build-up like a fitness enthusiast, from my class, came in contact with me through social media. We were never on bad terms in school, but we never also interacted during our school times. We had our group of friends to hang out with. We never crossed each other’s paths like this before.

 

Adi was in a relationship with a girl from the last one and a half years from college. They were of different cultural societies and hence, finding it difficult to get married. With a break in their relationship, Adi tried to come closer to me as a friend, because his girlfriend never approved of his friendship with me. Somehow, I knew he had something in the back of his mind about me more than his friend but I never simply approached him directly to question him. I started to ignore him as I couldn’t understand if this all is true or not. And when it was time for me to confront him about his girlfriend, I got to know from our school mates that he got engaged to his girlfriend from the past and left me with no questions in my mind. Maybe I wasn't sure about his friendship with me or maybe he