Roses by Maneli Panahandeh (read out loud books .txt) 📕

no matter how many cups of tea Rico ordered or how high he turned up the temperature of the heater. It was an unfortunate day in which I’ll never forget. I wailed so loud, the waiters would’ve thought I had lost a loved one. I had lost a loved one, but just metaphorically.

 

November 26

I spent the next few days mostly just ignoring peoples calls and focusing on studying for my mid-terms as they were coming up in a few weeks. November 26 was a weird day. I got a call from Kendrick. He started crying and crying, confessing his “love” for me, saying how he couldn’t live without me. He sent me a letter. I read it and ripped it up. I was mad and felt betrayed. It was the constant lying that would tear my heart to pieces again and again. I was just so fed up with all of this shit. It wasn’t what I wanted anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I still wanted to be with him, but I had to set my boundaries. Enough was enough. Being in love isn’t a good enough reason to be in a relationship. I wasn’t going to waste my time being in a relationship with a guy who wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be with me or not. It hurt. A lot. I was always his second choice. I always wondered what it would be like to be someones first. I got to the conclusion that Nina was always his first and will always be so, why fight for something or better yet, someone when they don't want you?

 

November 30

I still hadn’t forgotten about Kendrick. I still loved him despite the things he did to me. I kept trying to hate him by thinking about all the shit he did to me but I guess the love was taking over. One thing I learnt from that relationship was that, when you fall in love, it doesn’t matter how badly the person breaks you; you will still love them at the end of the day. That is what love is, which is why everyone makes it look like such a bad thing. If it doesn’t work out, it’ll break you. I was right about him breaking my heart before we were together but my friends pushed me and told me he was a great guy. I proved them wrong. They all say Kendrick won’t recover as quickly as I think but I know Kendrick, he’s not a guy to sit down and get over a girl then go back into the dating game. Kendrick is the kind of guy that would do anything to distract himself from love and heartbreak. Kendricks weakness is to settle down for one girl. He really can’t do it. None of his relationships have lasted longer than a month or two. He’s one of those people that’s incapable of love.

 

January 5

It was Yaniras birthday. I went to the party and Kendrick was going to be there. Yanira offered to cancel his invitation but it wasn’t right for me to come in between a friendship over a dumb breakup. I was stronger than that. Anyways, it was the first time I was going to see him after our break up and winter break. When the doorbell rang, an instant feeling of nervosity ran through my body, knowing that it was him. I remember punching the wall and telling Phoebe that I couldn’t see him. I scanned the room and saw him in the corner of my eye. I turned around, talking to Phoebe, avoiding him. “Hi,” he said. I could tell from the look in his eyes he was nervous too. I said hi back and turned around.

 

He went around and said hi to everyone and then came back and said hi again with the intention of a hug. I couldn’t resist it so I went ahead and hugged him. The touch of his arms around my body made me feel so uneasy yet loved at the same time. I walked to the other side of the room to get rid of those emotions and feelings. We both exchanged looks once a while but he was mostly busy dancing with all the girls. I knew almost instantly that he was over me from the moment he walked in the room and the moment we locked eyes. It hurt, but I distracted myself and went ahead and danced with all the guys at some point. It was pretty funny. I remember just dancing with Phoebe when one of the guys grabbed our hands and told us not to dance alone and so we went ahead and danced with them. It was like me and Phoebe and twenty random dudes we didn’t know. It was pretty fun. Anyways, we felt a little uncomfortable so we left the circle and went to grab a snack.

 

I remember Kendrick getting drunk. I was sitting on the floor with Harmonee and he walked into the room attempting to talk to me and I just got up and left. Harmonee told him to run after me but he murmured something unclear and just walked out of the room, continuing to dance with everyone again. I didn’t know whether I wanted him to come after me or not. All I knew was that I kept avoiding him. I’m not sure why. Was it to avoid my feelings or was I over him? I left without saying goodbye. Despite the things we went through, I still wish Kendrick the best.

 

Chapter 2

 

CHAPTER 2 

October 14 

I thought it was finally time to ask her out. My hands trembled with fear as the thought of rejection raced through my head. “Sent” the brick phone read. I never knew guys could feel this nervous about a girl. “Jeez, what should I do if she says no?” I thought. To my surprise, there was an instant reply with her confirming for next Friday. A rush of happiness and relief ran through my body. It’s time to get the girl of my dreams, I thought. 

 

My name is Kendrick. Yes, the same Kendrick you just read about. I’m a senior in Lockwood High. I spent most of my childhood in France and just recently moved to Vancouver for my last year in high school and well, college. My parents and I have a pretty close relationship though I would say I’m a lot closer to my dad. We spend a lot of time together and he always calls me for a beer whenever there's a game to watch. Anyways, enough about me, I don’t really like talking about myself so let’s go back to Selina. 

 

I had Yanira helping me out with Selina as I knew she was a complicated one. She wasn’t one to just date any guy and so I knew I needed a mutual friend to help. When Selina said yes, I texted Yanira instantly, asking her what to do next. I wanted this to be perfect, for us to be perfect. It was the first time in months in which a girl really caught my eye for me to settle down for her as I’ve never really been lucky when it comes to relationships. 

 

There was this one girl back in France. I guess you could say I realized what love is when I met her. We would walk to school together every day and spend our days together though, it all changed when I moved here. We decided to go through long-distance when a notification popped up on my phone one day. Her name was on the screen and it was a picture. I never figured out what her intentions were with that photo; whether she sent it purposely or not, it was her with someone else. My heart broke. I didn’t want to deal with the pain so I went through this fuckboy phase, letting myself go. I was a total mess until I met this girl. Let’s name her X. 

 

X was in love with my best friend (let’s call him Z) and I was in love with a friend (let’s call her Y). I met X at this party. She was in love with Z and I was in love with Y. I found X attractive and we somehow clicked really well together. Z wasn’t interested in X and so it was all great until he suddenly decided that he had feelings for her. She obviously chose him over me. I really thought she loved me as much as I loved her but, I guess love really does make you go blind. What really deranged me was the fact that he was supposed to be my best friend but he just came and took her away like it was nothing, like I meant nothing to him. Okay, I’m starting to sound like a little girl but I loved X and she took every piece of me and shattered it into pieces. I never understood why or how she could just use me to get to him. 

 

I was devastated until I met Selina. I never thought I’d see myself falling for her. We’ve always been just friends and I had no intention of making it anything more and neither did she (I think). We always called each other our “doppelganger” as we had so much in common. I remember the moment I realized I had feelings for her. I texted her one night, feeling confused. I told her I couldn’t find the girl, the right girl to be with. I felt agitated and she told me to change “my type”. I realized that I had always gone for girls I didn’t have much in common with. I spent the whole night thinking to myself “who? Who would be the perfect girl for me?” and that’s when I realized it was her. 

 

Selina was in a relationship at the time and I didn’t want to come in between them as it wasn’t right and she seemed to like him a lot. A few days later, she messaged me and said the relationship was growing to be toxic. I didn’t want to really make her break up with him but it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. I just didn’t want to seem envious. We started to open up to each other when she broke up with him. I had a feeling she did it for me as she always gave off that flirty kind of vibe. That’s when I realized she was the perfect girl for me. 

 

October 23

The day had finally arrived. I got to Russo's a little later than anticipated. I wish I had managed to get there on time and, I felt insolent for arriving so late. I should’ve planned better but it really wasn’t my fault. It was pouring rain and my cab driver had left me in the middle of nowhere. By the time I found another cab and had gotten there, I had already been an hour late. 

 

Unfortunately, the date didn’t go as planned... Nina called Selina and asked her if she could see me and so I went to see her and said hi. Our conversation took longer than anticipated and well, one thing led to another and