Roses by Maneli Panahandeh (read out loud books .txt) 📕

friends. He could tell I was seeing our relationship more than just a friends with benefits type. I felt my heart break. I had let myself imagine we were together together. 

 

Although I’ve literally been obsessed with Kendrick (I mean I can’t even stop talking about him), I don’t let myself go. By letting myself go, I mean I don’t just focus on him. I go out with other guys. I mean, it’s never anything serious, mostly because no one is really down for anything serious with me. I guess the credit goes to my shitty reputation? I’m just waiting for the right dude to come. I’m done with people coming and asking me out on dates with “no strings attached”. It’s time I settle down and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for this, let’s say, “period of time” to go away so I can finally get into something meaningful. 

 

I hope Selina finds someone who would treat her right. I wish her nothing but the best. I just hope she never finds out I lied and said it was me. I mean, I broke the girl code. I know I should’ve told her the truth but... it was Kendrick...

Chapter 4

 

CHAPTER 4

They call me Emanuelle. I’m a senior in Junior High and I’m in Kendricks class. Unfortunately. This is my side of the story…

 

I met Selina when we were a little younger at this little park in our community. We hung out pretty much every day and I fell madly in love with her. We started dating for a couple of months. We were inseparable (or at least I thought we were). Everything was perfect till she called me up one day asking to meet me in this serious tone. She was never serious so I knew something was up. We met at our usual spot in the park. Her head was tilted down and it didn’t seem like she wanted to lift it back up so I tilted my head down so I could talk to her. I asked her what was wrong and we talked it out to eventually breaking up. Apparently we were fighting a lot and it was “too much to handle”. Getting over her was a tough time and it only got easier as we drifted apart. 

 

Selina is one hell of a person. She cares a lot about her friends and family. They are her top priority. I’m not going to make her seem perfect because she isn’t. There are flaws in everybody. She’s just overemotional sometimes and acts upon her emotions to an extent in which the problem wasn’t as big as her actions. She seems shy when you first meet her but you’ll see how she really is when she feels more comfortable around you. It’s that mix of goofiness and maturity. What I love about her is that she doesn’t trust people very easily. You gotta put the effort in to get her to trust you. Guys these days are sneaky though. The “game” is complicated. They’ll do anything to get a girl to trust them and when they do, most of them put their act down and show the girl their true colours. Fuckboy colours. I’ve tried to be there for Selina through tough times but she’s really hard to put up with sometimes. It just gets tiring. When she’s in a bad state, she tends to snap into this person that has no tolerance whatsoever and so you need to decide whether you want to deal with it and be there for her or just let her be till she calms down. I watched her grow into a bigger person year by year. Each heartbreak only made her stronger. It’s amazing how much someone can change inside and out over their teenage years. Puberty definitely hit her like a truck. 

 

I have to admit though, I was kind of a douchebag like Kendrick before I met Selina but, there was something about her that made me want to change myself to be with her. I was willing to do anything to be with her. I cut friendships and stood up for her when I had to. She was the first girl I told my mom about. I remember I once got into this huge argument with my mom about her. I had asked her if I could go out with Selina and she started bullshitting on our relationship. “Oh, she’s gonna break your heart and make you fail the year. You’re spending too much time with her. Your father would be disappointed if he knew. I’m worried for you, you’re so young and clueless you can’t distinguish what’s good or bad for you. I’m telling you, this relationship is a mistake. Break it off.” That’s not even a third of the shit she said. I stopped listening after a while. I don’t know why or how, but I just found myself running away from home. My mom chased me down the street with her car yelling at me to get in. I got scared she’d run me over so I jumped inside and started crying as she continued to disapprove of our relationship. I told her the love I had for Selina. I told her I wanted to marry her. Her eyes grew weary as she was finally convinced Selina wasn’t that bad. She wanted to meet her but we broke up before she had the chance to. If you’re wondering about my dad, don’t ask. 

 

I come from a royal family. I never told Selina much about my family as I wanted her to see and treat me like any ordinary person. Although I tried to hide it from her, we had mutual friends and so she eventually found out and confronted me about it. I honestly just didn’t want her to know so that nothing would change in our relationship. We had a long talk about it and she told me this had no effect on us. She always knew how to calm me down. That’s the thing about Selina I love most, she understands you. I remember we gave each other promise rings to stay with each other forever. She threw it away after we broke up and she sent me the video doing it… We were just kids, what can I say. 

 

I went back to being the douchebag I was when we broke up. The same thing kind of happened with Kendrick although the difference was that I never cheated on her. Kendrick just saw their relationship as something that was going to end one way or another but I saw forever with her. I started dating a lot of girls after Selina but I dumped them in hope that we would get back together. As bad as it sounds, I broke up with whoever I was with whenever Selina messaged me. We never did get back together and I eventually realized that the spark was gone. I never told Selina I would dump my exes for her but she eventually found out one day. I felt pretty bad after she messaged me ranting about how wrong that was. I knew it was wrong but what can I say? I was just a kid. 

 

I have always been in Selinas life and I think I always will be. When she and Kendrick broke up, she messaged me for comfort and I was there to support her. I always will be. I remember how excited she got when we decided to make plans and go out together. When she told me what had happened with Kendrick and her, I kept thinking to myself how dumb he had to be let her go. I felt agitated and furious as I couldn’t figure out why he would do that shit to her. I wanted to fight the guy but Selina stopped me. I realized punching him wasn’t going to make him a man. He is the only person that can make himself one. 

 

Selina and I ended up getting back together. I picked up every piece Kendrick broke and did everything in my power to mend them back together. I needed or wanted her to be okay again. Kendrick had called Selina one day and asked her to see him. Keep in mind, I had no idea. She stood me up to go see him and they ended up getting back together. I hated her. I hated him. I felt a type of anger I had never felt before. It was the type where I wanted to cry but I was numb. My body was numb. Selina wasn’t even the one that dumped me. Phoebe did. She called me up and said Selina and Kendrick got back together. I punched a hole in my bedroom, leaving a nice bruise on my fist. Thankfully, nobody was home to hear nor see that. My mom never comes in my room without my permission and my little brother ain’t no snitch (thank god). It took me a while to get back up on my feet but I had Phoebe and everyone help me get through the breakup. Although they're Selinas friends, we all grew pretty close when Selina and I were together. She didn't mind at all.

Selina called me up one day saying she wanted to talk to me. I met up with her at Tim Hortons. I saw Ninas mom arguing with an unsatisfied customer. She seemed nice though. Selina arrived a couple of minutes later wearing her usual pair of converse and a short summer dress. Her hair was curly and frizzy as always but I liked it. We ordered some timbits and then proceeded to sit down at one of the booths, attempting to get the awkwardness out of the way. Her cheeks grew red as she started to talk about us. “Manu” is what she called me. “I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have used you like that and believe me if I could, I would go back in time and change everything that had happened. You know better than anyone else that being in love makes you do things you never would do to someone. Not just someone, to your friends. I’m not saying being in love is a reason to mistreat somebody and I’m definitely not trying to make an excuse to make it seem like what I did was right. What I did was horrible. It was almost as bad as what Kendrick did to me. I just don’t want us to lose years of friendship over a mistake. I love you. Probably not in the same way as you do but, it’s still worth it to keep our friendship going. You’re one of my best friends and you know that. Without you in my life, I don’t know where I would’ve been standing today. You’ve always had my back but I haven’t been the greatest friend at having yours but that’s going to change from now on. I promise you. I’ll never intentionally hurt you again.” I’d be referred to as a simp for forgiving her but I really was over her. Kendrick wasn’t worth losing our friendship over. 

 

On November 22, Selinas birthday, Harmonee messaged me asking me to