Keep quiet by Chalen D. (best books to read in your 20s txt) 📕

PROLOUGE
There's this thing inside of me that i can't name. irrataion is just another word that goes along with confusion. i can't tell you what it is, perhaps it's a little too dark for words. you say you understand, but it's just another unknown lie, that you placed inside of my mind. i can't explain what happens in my mind, it's just one major mees that i can't sourt through. Acusion come to mind, only when i think of you. lies and torrment, run through my mind, only stopping to remind me of the things, i can't get out of my mind. voices tell me that i'm not good enough and i should just give up already, but i know i'm better than that and i continue to go forward. No one knows the things i carry around with me, it's just a little painfull to say. so many people for just one mind and they all want to make themselfes known. i think i'm not worthy and hide myself away, i can't get close to people, cause i don't want to drag them down with me. My life is a downward spiral with no meaning to stop anytime soon. with all these things runing through my mind i think i might just yell! i'll never let people see inside, i'm afriad that they'll run away and hide. if i could run away from myself i would. i lay awake at night with all my thoughts. doing the things i love help keep me alive. i'm a troubled girl, that won't face the truth. there's something wrong with me. all my life, being different has gotten me beaten black and blue. i shut out knew faces, afraid of the things that they can do. something is wrong with me and i don't want to face it but have to.
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i looked up from my spot on my bed at my mom. she had her hands on her hips, and her mouth was moving like no tomorrow. "huh?" i asked, taking out my earphones. "i asked you to get the clothes out of the dryer." she said. "you did?" i asked. "yes." she said. "what'd i say?" i asked. "you said, you where on it remember?" she said. "nope." i said. i got up and went to the lundry room. "i swear it's like i'm talking to different people, and then another person takes over and she doesn't even remember." my mom told my step dad. "well maybe she needs help." he said. "the same way you need to get a wig that maches your eyebrow color?" i asked, to myself. "what do you mean?" she asked. "well, maybe she has a personality disorder." he said. i put the clothes basket by my mom. she looked up and smlied. "next time you want to talk shit about someone make sure they can't hear you." i said. "language." my mom said. "my language is english, and this mother fucker don't know about anything i went through." i said. i left the room. "i'm sorry." my mom said. "she's a teenager i get it." he said. i hit the wall. "don't hit things when your mad, i bought you a punching bag for a reson." she said. "yeah, and the first chance i get i'll print out a picture of darren and beat the shit out of it." i said, running up stairs. "i'm sorry." my mom said. i paced my room. i blasted a paramore song and was calm. i went down stairs and got a soda. "maybelle." darren said. "what?" i said, poping a grape into my mouth. "can we talk?" he asked. "i'm listening." i said.
"i was talking with your mother and we think that you could use some help." he said. i took a drink of soda. "well i think that you need to put on some deodrant, but do you see me saying that? no." i said. "maybelle, be nice." my mom said. "we think maybe we should get you help and move to california, there's a great school, that deals with people like you." she said. "people like me." i said. "yes. just think it over." she said. "is it like a school, where i stay in a doorm room?" i asked. "yes." she said. "so in other words, a loney bin." i said. "it's called a mental ward, and no, this is like a thearapy home for teens." darren said. "look i already called, and told them about you and they said, they know what's wrong with you they want to help." he said. "you had no right to do that. you don't know me!" i screamed. "maybelle." my mom said. "you know what fine, let's go." i said. i tossed the keys on the table. "let's go get up." i said. "you want to get rid of me so lets go." i said. "maybelle, i don't want to get rid of you but you've changed." she said. "i changed after he came!" i said. "now that's not fair maybelle and you know it." she said. "i'm going to pack my bags." i said.
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i sat in a small office sandwiched between my mom and darren, across the desk was a man in a gray suit and a woman in a yellow dress. mom and darren where listening closly to them, while i picked at my finger nails. "maybelle?" the man asked. "oh what?" i asked. "did you hear anything i said?" he asked. "no. i wasn't listening." i siad. instead of getting mad he just asked. "what where you thinking about?" "food." i said. the woman smiled. "i'll take you to the mess hall. while, jack finishes up with your parents." she said. "i think you'll like it here maybelle." she said. if this was a school then i'd love to see what a prison is. black iron gates incricled the school, with point's sharp enough to do some major cutting. kids sat on tables with trays of food. some where overly happy and some looked so depressed that i actualy felt bad for them. which is something i don't do. ever. others seemed to look out into space, not even touching their food, while others talked and yelled at themselfs. i would probably be one of the kids that sat under a tree alone. faith, the girl, sat with me the first lunch. "so have you ever tryed to kill yourself?" she asked. i stared at her. "just trying to get you the proper help." she said. "yes." i said. a couple of heads turned to me, with truly pleased faces. "how?" she asked. i lowered my voice. "i held a knife up to my chest, and then when i realized what i was doing a tossed it." i said. it happened when my parents got a dicorce, and my mom got coustody of me.
she nodded. "why don't i show you your room?" she said, as i finished. i nodded and stood. as we walked by a guy raised his fist and i bumped it with mine. we went to the room, faith opened the door. a girl looked up and rolled her eyes. "this is your room i'll send you your clothes." she said walking away. "how hard is it to close a damn door?" the girl yelled. she tugged the head phones out of her ears. and flew off her bed to shut the door. she was semi pale with green eyes and brown/blonde hair. i layed on my bed. i felt like i was being watched. i looked over at the girl. "what the fuck are you looking at?" i asked. she smiled. "i'm lucinda, call me luce." she said. "maybelle, call me belle." i said. the door opened, and faith put my things on my bed, and left. "shut the door!" luce yelled. the door shut and she relaxed. i put my clothes away, and pulled out my lap top. every student got issued one, as soon as they where inrolled. "so, meet any friends yet?" she asked. "no. and i'd like to keep it that way." i said. "well, welcome to hell." she said, with a semi smile. "look just don't touch my shit, and we'll get by just fine." i said. "cool, we have the same view." she said, putting her head phones back on. luce was pretty, her hair was braided down her right side. mine was pulled into a slopy bun. she wore black strech pants and a white tank top. i wore a black long sleaved shirt and jeans. i changed into a black shirt and shorts and sat on my bed. a knock sounded and the door opened. "did i tell you to come in?" luce asked, taking out her head phones. "relax luce. there's this party tonight at my place. you in?" a guy said. "yeah." she said. "you come to new girl." he said. "it's maybelle." i said. "cool, see you there, belle, by luce." he said. "by luke." she said. he shut the door and i layed back. "i don't like it when people look at me." i said. she laughed at me. "how do you know?" she asked. "i can feel it." i said. "your creepy." she said. "aren't we all though?" i asked. "right you are." she said. A gong went off. "what's that?" i asked. she sliped her feet into flipflops. "dinner gong, come on." she said. we all got food and separated into groups. "come sit with me." luce said, noding her head to a table under a oak tree. i followed her. scince she was my room mate i thought it would be okay to hang with her. she set her tray on the table and brushed orange and brown leaves off of the bench. i did the same and then sat down. luke joined us with the kid i bumped fists with. "so is
there anything you guys need?" luke asked. "what do you mean?" i asked. "once your here there's no contact with the outside world, wich means, if you want something you come to me. what ever you need, no questions asked." he said. "i'm good." luce said, taking a bite of her grilled cheese. a good thing about the school was the food actualy tasted like food. "i'm fine." i said. "k just tell me belle, i've got your back." he said. the boy never took his eyes off of me scince they sat down. "that's gabe he stares a lot but he's tottaly bitching." luce said. she reached across the table and they bumped fists. we ate in scilence for a mintue cause a gaurd was walking around by our table. "he irratates me." luce said. "everyone irratates you." luke said. he took a rubber band off of his rist and pulled his long braids into a pony tail. "not everyone." luce objected. "ok." luke said, taking a bite of his potato salad. "i don't like to be stared at." i said. gabe looked down pulling his water bottle to him, he rested his chin on the cap. i touched his arm. "i'm sorry." i said. that's new. he offered a shy smile, and then picked up a fry. after dinner, we where given an hour in the bathroom before bed. we got ready and waited in bed. at midnight we snuck out. luce put her finger to her mouth and then started to point out cammras. i followed in her foot steps untill we where at luke's.