Gone by By: Morgan:) (ebook reader library TXT) 📕

but look.
“Your turn.” Debbie said to Johnny. He shook his head and then did a strip tease. He slowly took off his shirt and swung it around then he took off his shorts.
“Take it off, Baby!” Debbie screamed. I looked at the four naked guys who were standing in front of me and Debbie. All were fit and so hot but one was bigger than the others. Of course that had to be Kenny.
“We are waiting.” They all said. Debbie and I turned to each other. We smiled. We both took off your shirts and let everything loose. We then slid off our shorts and just as our shorts and panties were taken off there jaws had dropped.
“Be careful.” I warned them. “You’re drooling.” Debbie and I laughed and walked into the cold water.
“Wow!” Debbie said as the water reached our waist. The guys ran in fast behind us kicking up the cold water. Johnny came up behind Debbie and hugged her. He kissed her neck. I swam farther out. The sky was getting dark and the water grew colder. We all stayed as good length apart. Well everyone except Debbie and Johnny. After a while they snuck out of the water, leaving Marcus, Pete, Kenny and I. It didn’t take long for Ken to find his way to me. I was floating on my back when he leaned over me.
“Ah!” I screamed.
“Sorry.” He apologized.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that.” I told him. He got closer to me. “Kenny.”
“Sh.” He said and touched my lips. He gently kissed my neck as I lifted my head. He kissed my lips and then my neck again. He kissed my chest and back up to my lips. He wrapped his big arms around me and held me tight. It reminded me of Alan and how he use to hold me. I looked up at Ken’s face but it wasn’t Kenny anymore. It was Alan. I saw Alan, I felt Alan. I placed my hands on his biceps as he flexed. I kissed his lips as he lifted me. My legs wrapped around his hard body.
“Woah.” I heard Marcus say.
“Don’t swallow each other now.” Pete added.
I couldn’t control myself. I knew it was Ken. I knew it was him but for some reason I wanted it to be Alan so bad. I imagined his face.
I left my legs wrapped around his body as he took me out of the water. He laid me on the sand. Our naked bodies were already exposed. This was a bad idea but I couldn’t stop. We kissed and I was over whelmed with goose bumps as his tongue touched mine. His cross neckless sat on my chest as he leaned over me. Pete and Marcus were still in the water, not paying any attention to Ken and I. I was so dark that they couldn’t see us anyways. I had to stop. I can’t do this to Alan.
“Ken.” I said through our breaths.
“Sh.” He said and gently kissed my lips.

There we both laid. In the sand. In the middle of the night. On a beach. I felt awful. I felt worse than awful. I felt terrible. I hated myself. I betrayed Alan and I liked every second of it. No, I didn’t like it. I loved it and there was a little part of me that loved Ken.
Ken leaned over me with a smile. I sat up uncomfortable.
“That’s everything that I’ve ever waited for.” He said.
“Ken, this can’t happen.” I told him. “Never again.”
“But, Jane.” He argued.
“No, Ken. I love Alan and you caught me in a moment of weakness. My love belongs to Alan. It always has and it always will.” I said honestly.
“Jane, I love you. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel anything.” He said.
“Ken.” I shook my head. He rubbed his hair.
“Jane, Jane, Jane. Think about it. If you didn’t feel something for me then you wouldn’t have let this happen.” He said.
“No, Ken. Do you know who I first saw when you kissed me?” I asked him. “I saw Alan. I saw him when we kissed. What does that tell you?”
I stood up and walked away and that was really weird seeing how I still had no clothes on. I picked up my clothes and slid them on as I got closer to my and Debbie’s car. I was about to knock on the window when I saw them all steamy. I shivered at the sight and got into my car. Debbie must have heard me because she opened the door to her car. I covered my eyes horrified that I would see something that I didn’t want to.
She stood up with her hands over her chest and a towel around her waist. I peek through one eye to make eye contact.
“I’m going home.” I said while checking my clock. It said twelve twelve. My Mother was going to kick my ass.
“Why?” Debbie asked. “What happened?” I gave her a look that only me and her know. It was the look we give each other when we are lying or when we don’t want to use words. “Oh, Jane.”
“I know, I know. I’m stupid and ah! I hate myself.” I said while hitting my head against the steering wheel. She rubbed my back. I wondered that if she was rubbing my back then what was covering herself. Since I was wondering that and had a good idea of the answer I didn’t lift my head up.
“No, you’re not stupid. He took advantage of you.” She said.
“No, he didn’t. I let it happen just as much as he did.” I confessed.
“Jane.” Debbie sighed.
“How am I going to tell Alan?” I asked her, hoping for some advice.
“If it was me,” She paused for a second. “I wouldn’t tell him.”
“What?” I said while lifting my head, forgetting about her clothing situation.
“I wouldn’t tell him. Its done and over with and there is nothing you can do. It will just cause problems for both you and him.” She said as I set my head back down.
“But I’ve never lied to him.” I told her.
“Well, have you told him about the kiss?” She asked and I wanted to give her that look again but I was scared to lift up my head.
“No.” I confessed.
“Then whats the problem from keeping one more thing from him?” She asked. I shrugged my shoulders.
“Babe? You coming back?” Johnny called from the car.
“Yeah, be right back.” She replied.
“Listen, I got to go but I’m going to stop at your place tomorrow and we can talk more about this.” She said and then got back into her car. I lifted my head from the steering wheel and looked out unto the great blue ocean. I sat Marcus and Pete come up to my car.
“So.” Pete said while leaning against my car. Luckily they both were dressed.
“You know, once the ladies leave the beach, its really gay to be naked in the water with no one but another guy.” Marcus said. Pete and him looked awkwardly at me.
“We heard you.” Pete said with a shove.
“You did not!” I said. I can’t believe that they heard me! Why were they listening? “Yeah, we did.” Marcus said.
“So, Kenny? Really?” Pete asked.
“Oh my Goodness! I’m so embarrassed!” I confessed and hit my head against the steering wheel again.
“Oh, don’t worry. You sounded hot.” Marcus said.
“Thats even worse!” I cried.
“What about Alan?” Pete asked.
“I don’t know. I want to tell him but Debbie says not to.” I said.
“Well, I agree with Deb.” Marcus said. Pete nodded in agreement with him.

When I got home I tried to stay as quiet as possible. Although, I am eighteen my Mother still controls me. I have a curfew and I have rules and chores. I hated my curfew because I’m a good girl. I did good when I was in school and i never did anything wrong and I can’t even have a good time out without checking a clock every ten minutes.
“Jane, is that you?” My Mother asked as she turned the outside light on. I cursed under my breath.
“Yes, Mother. Its me.” I answered.
“Why are you so late?” She asked getting straight to the point.
“I lost track of time.” I lied. Did she really think I was going to say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I was late because I was doing the dirty with Ken.’ . No, I wasn’t going to say that.
“Its almost one o’clock in the morning.” She pointed out. “How can you lose track of time that much?”
“I don’t know. Debbie and I were at the beach.” I told her. That part was true. Debbie was there and we were at the beach.
“You and Debbie? Just you two? No boys?” She asked. I couldn’t lie about that.
“There were boys there.” I confessed.
“Ha! See you didn’t lose track of time!” She shouted. “Sweetie, why can’t you come to me?”
“Mom! Its not a easy subject I go by! and it wasn’t meant to happen.” I told her quietly.
“Wait.” She said. “Alan’s not here.” I nodded my head. All I can think is that she is calling me a harlot. “Jane!”
“I’m sorry! Its not my fault! I don’t want to talk about this with you!” I screamed and then ran up stairs. I laid on my bed and cried. I didn’t want it to happen. All I want is Alan. I picked up his picture and laid it on Alan’s side of my bed.
“Why did you have to leave?” I said to him. “Why couldn’t you have stayed? For me. I need you here.”
I was too young to know love. Why would someone give me love to take it away? I hated lying to Alan. I cant do it. If we have one thing, that is trust. I got up and sat at my desk. I stared at the picture of us for what seemed like hours. I picked up my pen. I looked down at the manila colored paper. Wondering what I’m going to write. How I’m going to explain it.

Dear Alan,

I don’t know what to say to you. I guess I can say I’m sorry. A little part inside me hates you for leaving. There’s another part in me that can never hate you. I have a thousand million things going on in my head all at once and its hard to focus on one thing. I know you will come back but its such a long time. I love you, Alan. I love you more than anything. I don’t know how to live with out you. I see you in everyone. I dream about you every night and some times I never want to wake up, just so I can spend more time with you. I don’t get why you would leave me to enlist. I know that you want to be molded into the man you want to be but don’t you know that you were always that man in my eyes? What I’m going to tell you is so hard for me. I hate myself for it. You don’t deserve to be burdened with it. I know we have never lied to each other and that is why I’m telling you. Not to hurt you or to make you wish you didn’t leave. Alan, I slept with Kenny. It had just happened and it wasn’t planned and every second of it I saw you. I know, I know. I’m a terrible