Gone by By: Morgan:) (ebook reader library TXT) 📕

girl. He caught me in a time of weakness. I’m sorry, Alan. Please, please, don’t hate me. I love you too much. I will be with you until my last breath. You are the air I breath and with out you, I’m nothing. There are moments where there is nothing I want to do more than to cry but there is moments I want only to smile. I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. This has turned my world upside down. I miss you. I miss you and Jesse. I want nothing more than to be with you again. I feel like I’m holding on and that I’m six feet from the edge. I feel like I’m falling and I don’t want to feel like that anymore, Alan. You’re the only one for me. We have a once in a life time love and I promise, never to forget that. My life with you means everything. I know our letters are going to get smaller and smaller but I can’t tell you enough. I was wrong to betray you but you already know this. All that matters to me is love ever after and I was stupid and reckless. I promise you, it will never happen again. I have no life without you. I know I’m just saying the same things over and over but I need you to know that I mean them. I hated telling you this, this way but I had no other choice. I had to tell you. I couldn’t lie or keep anything from you. The children say they miss you. They really do. They always talk about you and ask where you are. Come back soon, come back safe. I wish I could just see your face. I wish I could touch you, feel your warmth. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could be with you.
Love you now, Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.
Your Jane


As I set the pen down I looked at the two pieces of paper that were filled with my cursive. I folded up the paper and slid it into the envelope. I hated to send this to him. To where he is but I have to tell him. I feel like he’s already gone. Like he’s not coming back. He has to come back. What will I do without him? No. Don’t think like that. He’s coming back.
I placed two pillows on his side of the bed. I covered them with the sheets and I snuggled up to them, imagining that it was Alan.
I know what people say. You’re only eighteen, how do you know what love is? Its not something that you know, its a feeling. A surge of butterflies you get every time you’re with that person. Love isn’t a switch that you can turn on and off. I love Alan and no matter how many people think we wont make it, I will be the one to prove them wrong. There are some who think we are truly in love. Some who say they’ve met a couple more in love and those are the ones who I love. The ones who know me.
The next morning I walked outside and put the envelope in the mail box. I watched as the mail man came up and took it.
“Hello, Ms. Johnson! How are we today?” He asked. He smiled and took off his hat. We new Parker since I was a baby. He’s always been our mail man. Sort of a friend of the family.
“Just fine, Parker and yourself?” I asked him.
“Mighty fine.” He said and then got back into his truck. I waved as he disappeared over the hill and off to the next house. I turned around and walked back to the house.
“Jane.” My Mother said as I picked up an apple from the kitchen table.
“Mother.” I replied. We were silent for a while. Just the sound of the crunching of the apple as I took a bite.
“Alan’s a nice boy.” She pointed out.
“I know this.” I said.
“Then,” She began. I knew where she was going. Why couldn’t she just leave it alone?
“Stop.” I told her. “Don’t you see this is tearing me apart?”
“Jane, I’m just,” She began again.
“No, Mom. You’re just not anything! This doesn’t have anything to do with you. I love Alan and it kills me that I did this to him.” I paused for a second. I didn’t like raising my voice to my Mother but sometimes I had to. “I already told him.”
“You did what?” She asked.
“I told him.” I repeated.
“Why did you do that?” She asked. Wait, what? I thought she was just mad that I didn’t tell him and that I betrayed him. I gave her a confused look. “Honey, all you did by telling him is getting him upset. He didn’t have to know.” She said while washing dishes.
“What? I can’t lie to him.” I said. She looked at me and stopped.
“Its not lying if you don’t bring it up.” She said.
“Why does everyone say that? That is lying. Its not being truthful and I have a fantastic relationship with Alan and I don’t want a stupid fling to mess it up.” I told her. She walked up and hugged me.
“Its already messed up.” She said with a chuckle.
“Mom!” I shouted.
“What? Its true. He’s not going to be happy and as soon as he gets back he’s most likely going to kill Ken. Honey, I’ve never seen any couple love each other as much as you two do.” She said honestly.
“Thanks Mom.” I said and went up to my room.

The days felt like months as I waited to see what my love has said about my betrayal. I didn’t check the mail anymore. I found it made the time go even longer. Each morning I would go to the school house. I wouldn’t get back till around four. At that time I would take a shower and read. I did the same routine almost everyday. Even if my letter did come I wouldn’t get it unless my Mother would come to the school house.
The letters usually come around the same day each week and they choose a friday. Today was friday. I got up like usual. I took my time, seeing if the mail man was coming early but he didn’t show. I got into my car and drove to work. Not more than two hours after class started my Mom was running up to me. She was holding a letter in her hand. I stood up and met her.
“It came!” She shouted from outside. I took the letter from her and looked at him. I looked at her.
“Open it.” She said. I sat down at my desk. I took a breath. I opened it slowly. So many things were crossing my mind. Was this the nightmare that I keep reliving? I asked myself but I wouldn’t know until I read it.


Dear Jane,

That was a lot for me to take in. I can’t believe that you would do that but some how I can’t blame you. I left you without much notice. I put our love on the line. I know this is hard on you but that was heart breaking. I know that must be tearing you apart. I know that you miss me but you have to come through strong on the other side.
I’m not there to help you. For you to do that to me hurts but I know you didn’t mean to hurt me. I forgive you. Nothing will stop me from loving you. Its been hard without you near. All the things I’m doing here is so over whelming. I miss your lips. I miss you. I want to see you too. I don’t blame you for hating me. I know that you have always seen me as the man I want to be. You always saw the best in me but I want to see it. Its great that you see me that way and thats all that matters but I need to see it to. I promise, I will come home safe. My love for you is too strong to leave you. Jesse says he loves and misses you. He says he will write you a letter. These letters are what get me through each day. Just hearing the words I love you make me that much stronger. As long as you’re mine, I can do anything. I love you, my dear. I would hate me too but I could never hate you. I know that you feel like you’re on the edge but hold on a little bit longer because I will be with you soon enough. Just wait. I know a year is a long time but I know you can get through it. I just know it. You are a strong, beautiful, woman who can do anything you set your mind to. Remember that I’m always there. Maybe not in person but I’m always watching. I miss you more than anything. Do what you have to do to keep waiting for me. Tell the kids I love them and miss them! For me reading that you had... cheated on me was hard but it must have been twice as hard writing it on paper. Remember that I don’t blame you. I don’t want something like that to ever happen again. Inside this envelope you will find a ring. Be my wife? I love you too much to let you go and to let something like this happen again. I love you too much to hurt you anymore. No matter what happens I will always be waiting for you on the other side. My heart is in your hand. Love you Forever more.

Alan


I smiled as I set the letter down. I picked up the envelope and opened it. Sure enough there was a simple silver band with a gold heart. I smiled as I slid it on my finger. All the kids looked up at me to see what he had said. I smiled as tears filled my eyes.
“Well, what does you say?” My Mother asked.
“He says he loves me.” I mumbled.
“And?” My Mother asked.
“And that he wants me to be his wife.” I answered as a tear fell on the letter.
“Are you going to?” My Mom asked.
“Of course. I love him too much to say no but I’m afraid that he is only doing this because of Ken. I think he’s afraid that if he doesn’t then he might lose me.” I told her as I looked up. “He says that he loves me more than anything and that he knows I’m strong and as long as my letters keep coming, he will get through it.” My Mom hugged me. I looked at the children and wiped my eyes.
“Well?” One of them asked the rest of the class laughed.
“He says he loves and misses you.” I told them with a chuckle. They all got quiet.
“When is he coming back?” Another one asked.
“I don’t know.” I answered. Thats the part I hated the most. Not knowing. Not know if that was our last kiss. Not know if we will grow old and have children and grandchildren. I hated not knowing.


I couldn’t but keep looking at the ring. It was so beautiful, so precious. Alan really did love me. As soon as I got home I called Debbie. She picked up and we met at Debbie’s Diner. It was a little Diner a mile down the road