Gone by By: Morgan:) (ebook reader library TXT) 📕

still speechless.
“What am I going to do?” I asked while looking at my ring.
“I don’t know sweet heart.” She said. My Mother appeared in my door way. She slid over a little trunk.
“This is his belongings.” She said. I slid onto the floor and put it in front of me. I slowly opened it up.
Inside were pictures and pins and metals. I took out all the pictures. They were of him. He was in uniform with a flag back ground. He looked so handsome. The metals and pins were for honor and his rank. I smiled as I held them in my hands. I dug around a little more. I found his uniform. I also found letters. Most were from me. One was addressed to me. Bu there was only one that wasn’t opened. I ripped open the seal and took out the letter.


Dear my beautiful, strong, amazing wife, Jane

If you are reading this letter this means I’m not coming back. I hoped that you would never have to read this. I had hope I would be able to throw it away after I returned and had you in my arms. Well, that was what I hoped. Jane, I don’t know how I died but I want you to remember that you’re not alone. You have friends and family. Don’t shut them out. They can help you. I wanted to tell you that you mean more than the world to me. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever met. You have made these last months that I’ve spent with you the best times of my life. That I truly mean. You have no Idea how amazing a person you are. Don’t ever let anyone make you think other wise. Jane, you are perfect the way you are. Never change for anyone. I want you to tell my Parents. They need to hear it from someone who really loved me. Not some stupid guys in uniform. I’m sorry that they had to tell you first. Jane, I want you to be happy. I want you to look for love. You love so passionately and someone else deserves to have that love. Don’t stop for me. You will see me again. I love you so much. Don’t let this bump in the road stop you from being you. Live like no tomorrow and live for both of us. I will always be watching. Always. I will always be listening. If you ever feel like you’re going to break down then talk to me. I will listen. I love you. I have to go.
Love you now, Loved you yesterday, love you still, always have, always will.

Love,
your husband Alan


I closed the letter and laid my head on Michelle’s shoulder. She put her hand on my back. My Mother took the letter and read it. She sighed at it. I didn’t say anything. None of us did. I crawled in bed and Michelle laid next to me. She covered me up and held me. I knew I wasn’t alone.
The next few days were the hardest. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed in my bed and looked out the window. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. How can God give me someone to love and then take him away? Why would he do such a thing? My heart hurt so much. I love Alan. I can’t live without Alan.
Kenny comes over a lot. He makes me food and brings me things. Little things that make me smile. He sits in my room a lot. He just keeps me company so I’m not alone. When Kenny’s around I don’t feel so lonely. I feel like I will be okay. He doesn’t make me think of Alan. He fills the void.
Today he brought me a movie and some pop corn. He laid on my bed with me as we watched it. I laid on his chest. His heart had the same pattern as Alan’s did. I loved counting his heart beats. That way I knew his heart was still beating for me.
~~~~~

Its now been month since I found out about Alan. I know people say as the time go on, it will get easier but thats not true. It seems like every day it gets more and more impossible. Debbie tries so hard to get me out of the house more. The kids really help. They try to make me feel good and they make it so easy to teach them. They listen so much more.
It still doesn’t seem real. I always question it. I think that maybe this could be just a joke? He’s going to come walking right through that door. He’s going to come in and kiss me. He’s going to come in. So I wait. And wait. But no one comes. No one comes in and no one kisses me. No one.

“Wanna take a walk?” Ken asked me as he walked through my room door.
“Yeah, sure I guess.” I said. I got my shoes and I grabbed Alan’s jacket and we walked down the road. He grabbed my hand. I smiled as he held it in his. I didn’t mind having Ken be with me. I didn’t mind that he wants to be close. I need to be close with someone too. I’m happy its him. Happy that its some one who actually loves me is with me. Someone who wants my time.
As we got further down the road we saw the fair. It looked so much fun. I haven’t had actual fun in so long. We walked faster as we got closer. The smell of cotton candy and fried dough filled the air. The lights from the ferris wheel shined down on us. The laughter of children filled our ears. I looked over at one of the stands. It was a shooting one. They had milk bottle set up and you had to take two balls and knock all three down. I looked up at the huge puppy dog that hung above the stand.
“Do you want it?” Ken asked me. I nodded. He handed the guy fifty cents and the guy handed him two balls. Ken winded up his hand and threw with all his might. He hit it dead on. All three bottle came tumbling down. The guy set them up again for the second ball. He threw them again and all three came down. The guy handed him the big stuffed dog. He handed it to me.
“Thanks.” I smiled. I carried around the dog proudly.
“I’ll be right back.” He said and disappeared. When he came back he was holding cotton candy. He handed it to me.
“For me?” I asked.
“For you.” He answered. He took a piece of cotton candy and then he leaned in and kissed me. The candy melted in my mouth. I pulled away but kept my eyes closed.
“Ken,” I began to say.
“I’m sorry, Jane. I know you’re not ready.” He began.
“Its okay. Its okay.” I smiled.
“I’m really sorry.” He apologized.
“Ken, its okay.” I made clear. He nodded but I could he was uncomfortable. I reached for his hand but he pulled away. Once we left the fair I stopped to talk to him.
“Whats wrong? You’ve been acting weird.” I confronted him.
“Nothing.” He lied.
“Dammit Ken! I’m not messing around!” I said slightly louder than I wanted to.
“Don’t get hostile on me.” He joked. I gave him a serious look. “Okay, its just you’re widowed and its only been five months. I don’t want to make a move on you. Just holding your hand makes it hard to control myself.” I walked up to him and hugged him.
“I trust you.” I said honestly. He kissed my forehead. When we got back to my house it was really late. We both passed out in my room. We were both laying on my bed. I woke up in the middle of the night. I had another night mare. I looked over to one side of my bed. Ken was sleeping with his hands above his head and his shirt off. I covered his hard body up and laid on his chest. I sighed. As I laid my head down he rested his hand on my back.
The next morning my Mother woke me up. She came in my room quietly. She gently patted my back. I jumped as I saw her. I sat up.
“Long night?” She asked.
“Not what it looks like.” i said while rubbing my eyes. Ken sat up and jumped as he saw my Mom.
“Oh! I’m sorry.” He said and got up.
“Ken, its fine. I’m a big girl.” I reminded him. He relaxed and slid on his shirt.
“I came to tell you that your brother is returning today.” She said. Chills went over my body.
“Okay.” I said. “I’m going to get dressed.” My mother existed the room. I took off my shirt and put another one on. Ken closed his eyes. I laughed when he did.
“You okay?” I asked him.
“Just being polite.” He answered. I dropped my pants and put on some shorts. All the girls loved Ken. He use to be a star athlete. He was cute and also did plays. He was the all around guy.
I walked Ken down stairs to his car. We stood awkwardly outside its door.
“Well, bye.” He said and kissed my cheek. As we pulled away our eyes locked. We both went in for a kiss. After our lips touched I quickly pulled away. For some reason I felt as if I was cheating on Alan, although he was gone.
“I, I gotta go.” He said. He got into his car and drove away. I walked inside wondering what just happened. About an hour later my mother and I waited on our porch impatiently waiting for Jesse to come home. As a car drove up the hair on my arms stood up. A tall, buff guy got out of the car. He took off his hat. I realized it was Jesse. I ran into his arms crying. He rubbed my hair. His big arms wrapped around me. I missed him so much.
“I know, I know.” He said.
“He’s gone!” I cried into him. He picked me up because my knee’s went weak and we went inside. My Mother walked in behind us. She hugged him although he was still holding me. We all sat on the couch. I was still crying into his chest.
“How’ve you been?” He asked me. I looked up at him without saying any words. “That bad.” I nodded.
“Widowed at 18.” My Mother shook her head. “Darling, what happened? They weren’t specific.”
“Well, a huge bomb went off. There were so many remains that they couldn’t tell a head from a foot. Who ever didn’t show up they assumed they were killed.” He explained.
“They didn’t find Alan’s body?” My Mom asked but I think she was kind of stating it too.
“No. His body wasn’t found.” He answered.
“So, he could still be alive?” I asked hopeful.
“Janey, it isn’t likely. You have no idea what it was like. So many bodies were dismembered and just plain blowed to smithereens.
We couldn't tell a head from a toe. It was that bad." He said sadly. I laid my head on his shoulder. My Mother patted my back.
"Everything will be okay. I promise." She said. My sad eyes looked up at her. It was so hard to believe