Gone by By: Morgan:) (ebook reader library TXT) 📕

that what she says is true. I don't know if it will be alright. I don't know. I know I can live without Alan but I don't want to. I was always told that Will Power over powers everything but what if will power isn't enough? What if I'm not strong enough? What if its all just not enough? As I thought about it for a while, I grew weary. My eyes got heavy and I dozed off.
~~~~~

I looked over at the other side of my bed. A man was in it. I thought it was Alan. I smiled and rolled over. I drew circles on his chest like always. When he awoke he spoke.
"Hey." He smiled. Everything was okay except it wasn't Alan's voice. I looked up at his face and it was Ken. I jumped. I stood up and jumped off the bed. "What is it, babe?"
"Don't call me babe." I said. I looked around at the room but something was different. There were no pictures of Alan or of Debbie. In fact there were only pictures of Ken and I. Pictures of us and some little boy. I looked down at myself. I was wearing boy shorts and a bra. I quickly grabbed a sheet and covered myself.
"Are you okay?" He asked me while standing up. I closed my eyes, well partly.
"Why are you in my bed?" I asked.
“You mean our bed?” He tried to correct me. Confusion covered me from head to toe. Then a little boy ran into our room. He jumped up and down on our bed. He couldn’t have been more than two or three years old. He looked exactly like Ken. Almost like a mini Ken. It was kind of scary.
“I’m hungry, Mommy!” He yelled.
“Mommy?” I asked. What the hell was going on? “Who are you calling Mommy?”
“Jane, Darling. Are you feeling okay? Don’t you recognized Ken Jr. ?” He asked.
“I’m fine and no I don’t know him.” I said. The little boy sat sat down on the bed.
“Mommy?” He asked. When the heck did I have a child? Some one should have informed me about this.
“Jane, you’re scaring me. I’m Ken, your husband, and this is Ken Jr., your son.” He explained. I jumped when he tried to touch me. Then I heard a faint voice calling me name.

~~~~

I awoke to Ken and Debbie shaking me to wake up. I jumped and got away from Ken. It might have been a dream but it was a creepy one at that.
“Jane?” Ken asked.
“Are you okay?” Debbie added.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be fine? Are you okay?” I asked. Debbie walked up to me and held my hands down. I’m guessing she thought I was going to hurt either her or myself.
“Relax. Breath with me.” She said and took a bunch of deep breaths.
“I know how to breath.” I told her. She let go of my hands.
“Are you really okay?” She asked seriously.
“Yes, Debbie. I wouldn’t lie to you.” I lied. I would lie to her. She looked at me with her look. I smiled and started laughing.
“Its not funny, Jane! You really scared me!” She said in all seriousness. Ken walked up to me and tried to hug me. I pushed him away.
“Jane, are you sure you’re okay?” He asked me. I was tired of acting like I was okay. I was tired of acting.
“No.” I finally said. “I’m scared. I’m scared of falling in love with you.” I began.
“Why would you,” Ken interrupted me.
“Let me talk!” I scolded him. “I’m scared of betraying Alan. We were married. I would feel like I would have been cheating on him.”
“Jane, its not cheating on him because he’s not coming back.” Debbie said.
“Why is that concept so hard for me to grasp?” I asked her while my eyes welled up.
“I don’t know.” Debbie said while her eyes welled up too. “See, you’re making me cry.” She said and hugged me.
“Jane, I wouldn’t do anything that you don’t want. I love you.” He said. Wow. That was a huge bombshell. Way to drop it right on my head! Debbie looked at him and was thinking the same thing as me.
“Ken, don’t say that.” She begged him.
“Why? Its true. I love you, Jane.” He replied.
“Don’t you see she’s still in love with Alan?” She asked him. He got upset. He swung his hand and knocked my picture of Alan and me on the ground. I watched as each piece shattered into a million other pieces. It was almost as if in slow motion.
“Its been months! He’s not coming back!” He screamed. He looked down at the mess of glass. I fell to my knee’s. “Jane, I’m sorry.”
“Go.” I told him. He tried to walk close to me. “Go!” I screamed. He ran out. I sat on my knee’s with tears rolling down my cheeks. I picked up the picture and wiped the glass off it. Debbie put two hands on my shoulder but I pushed her away. She sat on my bed. She knew I just needed to be left alone. That was the best thing about Debra. She knew when to be there and when not to.
I looked at the glass. I looked at the picture under all of the glass. I picked up the picture and watched as the glass hit the floor. I held the picture to my heart.
“Why did you leave me?” I cried. “Why?”

-

I ignored Ken for a while but I noticed when I wasn’t with Ken, I would think more about Alan and that just made me hurt more. I was tired of avoiding him. He came to my house with flowers. He knocked three times on the door. I opened it and his eyes widened.
“Jane! I’m so sorry.” He immediately spit out. He handed me the flowers. I walked up to him and hugged him. He sighed relieved.
“Its okay.” I quietly said. We took a walk to relax. He held my hand.
“I am really sorry about that day.” He apologized.
“Ken, its okay.” I, again, said.

Over the next month Ken and I grew closer and closer. We spent everyday together. Every hour. Every second. That dream still scared me but Ken is helping me. Not helping me forget but helping me move on.
“Jane, are you sure you know what you’re doing?” Debbie asked me while I was going over innovatory in Alan’s shop. I knew she wasn’t talking about the Shop so I didn’t give her a smart ass answer.
“Yes.” I replied plain and simple.
“If you then you wouldn’t be doing this.” She said. I stopped what I was doing. “You guys kiss and hug. You’re dating, Jane.” I never thought of it that way. I mean I know we were dating but I didn’t want to think of it because then I think I’m cheating on Alan. I looked out the window and saw Ken making his way to the shop. I got a feeling inside. I knew what it was. It was love. I was falling in love with Ken. He came in and made it back to the innovatory with me.
“Hey babe.” He said while kissing me. Debbie gave me a look. I hated that look. Its the look she gives me when she know’s she right.
“Hey.” I smiled ignoring Debbie’s look.
“I’m going to get a Smoothie from Dina’s.” He said and hugged me. “Do you want one?”
“Sure.” I said. I was about to tell him what kind but he interrupted me.
“Strawberry Blast, I know.” He chuckled as he left the shop. The bell above the door dinged as he opened and closed it. I looked back at Debbie.
“Don’t give me that look.” I told her and walked out of the innovatory. I went to the cash register and tightened up.
“Then don’t do it, Jane!” She begged.
“Don’t do what?” I asked her.
“Don’t fall in love with him.” She said quietly. I didn’t reply. “Don’t do this to Alan.”
“Do this to Alan? Debbie, he left me. I can’t wait my whole life for someone who Isn’t coming back.” I said. Tears welled up in my eyes. “See what you do.” I said and wiped my tears. She hugged me. “I wanna give up and then Ken came and he made me feel not alone.”
“I just know he’s not right for you.” She said. I didn’t say anything. I finished Innovatory and went home. I went to my room at sat at my desk. I opened my draw and took out the big pile of letters from Alan. I read through every single one of them. After I went through his trunk again. I took out his uniform and smelled it. I loved his sent.
Ken knocked on my door. He walked in and looked at everything that was scattered across my room.
“Jane, honey. Are you okay?” He asked me. I shook my head no. He sat on the floor with me. He leaned against my bed and I leaned on him.
“I just miss him so much.” I cried.
“Sh.” He said. “It will be okay.” Just having him hold me made me fall asleep. When I woke up I was in my bed. Everything was put away and my room was clean again. Ken walked through the door with some water.
“Here, take a sip.” He said. I took a sip and then he set it on my desk. “How do you feel?”
“Better.” I said.
“That’s good. How much sleep have you gotten lately?” He asked concerned.
“Like four or five hours a night.” I said still drowsy.
“Jane, you need to start taking better care of yourself.” He said.
“I do.” I said.
“No, you don’t.” He said and its terrible, I know, but he was right. He kissed me.
“I will try.” I lied.
“You’re lying.” He smiled while we kissed.
“How’d you know?” I asked. I’m a fantastic lier. He’s the only one who’s ever figured me out.
“Because I know.” He smiled. He was so corky. We kissed and then I pulled myself back further so he could fit on the bed too.
Later that day Ken and I took a walk along the shore at the beach. It was beautiful out and the sun was just about to set. It was still really warm out.
I looked behind us at the foot prints that were fading with the wind. I smiled at the birds who flew over us. Ken stop dead in front of me.
“What is it?” I asked him.
“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He asked me.
“Ken.” I laughed.
“No, I’m serious.” He smiled. “Jane, I want to ask you something.” I nodded my head.
“Well, go on.” I chuckled.
“Jane, you are so beautiful and everyday I’ve spent with you is a blessing. Jane, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” He asked while getting on one knee. My jaw dropped. Yes, I love Ken but do I want to spend the rest of my life with him? I had to give him an answer. What am I going