Scars by Brooklynn (bill gates books recommendations .txt) 📕

by yourself" He said and kissed my cheek. "Though, I wished you come" He whispered in my ear making me shiver. I nodded. I couldnt stop blushing, or smiling, I just couldnt. I closed my eyes, biting my lip. When I opened them again, he was gone, and I didnt feel all that happy anymore. It doesnt mean were dating... we kissed. I wish we were dating, but he didnt ask me out. We just kissed. My FIRST kiss. I was still breathless, still tingly. I just kissed Mickey! I jumped up and down like the little dork I am, right there in the hallway! When I finally calmed down, I just decided to go home. I was too tipsy off that experience to even focus on how sharp my pencial was, let alone math, english, and canadian geography. I walked to my locker, grabbed my black and red Death Note felt bag, and walked back down the hall. I took out my phone and realized I had 4 messages, and 2 voicemails. I already knew who they were from, but I checked them anyway. The messages were all pretty much the same, Kimmy, Call me. Kimmy whats wrong? Kimmy, I didnt mean you were a kid. I rolled my eyes, and typed in my voicemail password, and pressed my BlackBerry to my ear. Kimmy, c'mon, I didnt mean it the way it was written, look, I just dont wanna loose Sky, c'mon, please? Just call me back, Please? Love you bye. I deleted the message and didnt think twice about it. He doesnt even understand she cheated on him ! He doesnt even know yet .... I felt like someone tightened there hand around my heart and squeezed it till it popped. I felt like the walking dead with all my thoughts running through my head. I was confused about so much, and it was literally making me feel like I was draining of my own life. "FUCK!" I screamed, standing in the middle of the parking lot. Everyone would be in class by now. I didnt even know why I screamed that word... maybe its cause I just kissed Mickey... I like Clay aswell as Mickey..., That Clay was at home making out with the girl who cheated on him, while he cancelled with me, and he doesnt know she did ?... or, I cant legally drive? Though I know how too, lets just hope I dont get caught, then im screwed. Fml ... I stepped into the car and rummaged through the little cubby in the passengers seat, grabbed the keys and started the car up. I pressed my foot on the gas, turned the wheel and pulled out of the parking lot, driving causiously down the roads. Yes, this was totally illegal, but it was also a TOTAL rush. I felt like the wind blowing through the window was washing away all my thoughts. Everything I felt, was gone. I was an empty shell filled with the lust of feedom. And now I sound like I belong at a poetry slam talking about global warming and frawlicking fairies. I took a deep breath and focused on the road and wind. I wasnt thinking about my problems, nothing was running through my mind except the fact that I just kissed Mickey. I turned on the radio and the song "Call Me Maybe" Started blasting. I sang along, horribly I might add, and didnt even care that people were screaming out there windows for me to shut up. "SO CALL ME MAYBE!" I started wiggling in my chair, smiling and singing. I laughed when the song ended. It felt so good to drive! I relaxed and smiled, listening to the songs that played, forgetting about my thoughts. In to fast of a time, I was pulling into the drive way of the house. My stomach knotted, knowing I would have to see Clay. I put my big girl panties on and climbed out of the now parked car. I skipped happily up to the front door, and unlocked it with my keys before throwing them on the little table by the door, and shutting it behind me. I didnt have to get half way up the stairs, or be in the house for more than 15 seconds to realize what was happening just up stairs and down the hall. The moaning was loud enough, and that alone made my heart crack so fast, I felt the ripple in my chest actually shake me. Still, I walked up to Skylers room, turned the knob, and strutted in. I guess I needed closure, because I didnt have any actual clue why I wanted to walk in on one of the guys I liked, and one of my house mates, having sex. Yet, there I was, starring at Clay and Skyler, wrapped up in sheets, utterly frozen in place. "Kim-" Clay started but I cut him off with a flat, hard, no emotion filled "Fuck. You", followed by a nice house shaking slam of a door. Now all my emotions were flooding in. I walked down the stairs and out back too the pool. I took off my crop top and blue jeans. I was in my Grey Victoria Secret bra set. It wasnt frilly or lacey, it looked plain, almost like a swimsuit. I just took off my clothes and jumped in the water. Tears were flowing down my face and I was underwater. Yeah, thats sounds completly odd considering its water and water but I could feel my eyes stinging, and my heart cracking, and my breathing speeding up. I still didnt take a breath, I just kept swimming underwater. It did feel like it could wash away my sadness, or like it was. I felt drained of my emotions, but I new as soon as I took a breath, they would flood back in so quick, I could get whiplash. Though, I knew I had to take a breath. Yeah, what I seen Clay doing is hurting like hell, but I wasnt in any shape to try and kill myself, nor did I want to. I was pissed, fuck yeah was I ever, but I wanted to live. Period. I swam to the very bottom of the deep end, killed my tip-toed feet off the bottom and sprinted up, head held back, popping out of the water, gasping for a breath I desperatly needed. I pushed the hair out of my face and took another breath. The tears started coming harder, and my breathing was like little pants. I climbed out of the pool and sat on the deck, holding my knees to my chest and cried like no-one was watching me. I felt sick to my stomach, like my heart was in my stomach and I could puke it up along with everything else that wa- I turned my head and knelt over the grass puking my guts out. My eyes poured out water while my mouth poured out a green slushie I bought at lunch. Looking at it now... green is no longer a color to me, and I will never use it again so long as I live. My tree's and grass with my yellow or blue. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and curled back into my ball holding my knees. I clentched my fists and silent tears fell again. I wiped them quickly and stood walking over to my clothes. I went into my jean pokect and slipped out my little carry blade. I walked back over to the deck again. I placed my feet in the water and swished them around, still holding the blade in my palm. My thoughts were endless, but still, I pushed them back, taking the blade in my fingers and digging it into my skin. At first I just pierced the corner of the blade into my skin, then I pressed the whole thing, 4 cm line of the sharp blade into my skin, breaking it in a split second. I dont know how many times I did it, but how ever many times I did, it took all my hurt away. Yeah sure I was filled with the pain of actually cutting into my skin and making myself bleed, but I didnt mind, cause all the hurt and tears Clay brought, were gone. Digging into my skin once more with the blade, I threw it in the grass behind me and took a long breath. Why was I even crying over him anyway? Cause you like like him... Well yeah, theres that. I let out a sigh and clutched the edge of the pool deck, swinging my feet in the water. I really liked Clay. Almost as much as I liked Mickey, and I now, im just so confused with what to do. Its not like I have the decision to pick, because 1. they arnt even mine, 2, Clayton doesnt like me back. I started crying again. I looked at my wrists. The cuts were rising with blood and flowing over my wrists. A sob escaped my lips and I broke down crying harder this time... If that was possible. It was an ugly, snot filled, panting (could hardly breathe) cry. I stood up, and dove into the water. I kicked off the wall, pushing through the water, blowing from my nose. I swam to the corner of the pool, still under water and just sat ont he little riser there. The pool lights under were shining making the water look so awesome. Then the thoughts of sunsets were floating through my mind, and then the beach, then hot guys.... then shirtless hot guys... then Mickey shirtless My mind came back to reality and I realized I needed a breath. I swam to the bottom, kicked off and sprung up. I took my gasp too soon because half of my mouth intook water, and I started choking. Pain shot up my arm when I grabbed for the deck. I felt dizzy and light headed, choking on the water that was still in my lungs. I was no where near the edges by now, and It felt like my whole arm was on numb-mode, so I was stuck choking trying to tred water with one hand. With my one hand bloody and worthless, it really just poured out blood making it look like a shark had just eaten of my legs. I kicked my feet rapidly, trying to rise myself. I intook more water attempting to rise higher with my treding, causing me to shake and sink deeper. Water filled my lungs as I stopped moving and slowly sunk down. My eyes weres till open but my body just felt like a mother fucking stone. This is how I die... As soon as I thought it I regreted it. But its true... I mentally shoke myself even though my body was sinking like a metal block. I closed my eyes and at that instant, felt like strong arms were pulling me away to my next life... the one in heaven.. maybe hell?. Noppe ! Not even close.

Clayton...

Laying over top of Skylers body, making love to her. My god was I ever happy. "I Love You" I told her. She smiled and blushed. "I love you too Clay, only you, I promise" She said and kissed me passionately. I started kissing her neck, sucking on it while she moaned my name over and over again, begging me to go faster and harder. I obeyed everytime, not wanting her moaning to stop. She leaned in real lose to my ear and said 4 words that really got me going: "Im about to cum". Her moans got louder and mine echoed hers. "Sky!" I moaned. We were still going at it when Kimmy opened the door, and stood there looking like the walking dead, her face full