Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

act around her since she’s the one who invited me personally? Now I feel like a total asshole for talking so much shit especially for wanting to hurt her in little ways. Fuck, I am an asshole. I know what I’ll do, I’ll start over by being her friend. Fuck, how pathetic is that? I know it’s the right thing to do and what needs to be done, I mean, I may have fucked up my only chance with her, but I would rather have her in little ways than not have her in my life at all. The thought of being just a friend hurts like fucking hell, but that’s my own idiot fault.

Chapter Nineteen

Sina

It has been a few days since I walked out of Pixies, leaving my heart with him to keep forever. I would be such a terrible liar if I said that I don’t miss him at all. I miss his smile, the way he makes every piece of my heart beat. I miss the sound of his voice and the way he held my hand. I miss the way he makes me feel beautiful. I miss the way he makes everything around him come to life the most, it’s like he had the ability to breathe color back into my world when he's near me. But as much as my heart is falling for him, I can’t allow myself to go through anymore heartache. It killed me when he asked me to stay, but I know it would have been a decision that I would have regretted later on down the road.

I have spent years hiding behind my heartache and trying to push the pain away after Michael and Becca hurt me. It drained the life out of me, took away from all the little things that I was missing out on with my baby girl. I’m pretty sure that everyone gets to their breaking point and I definitely hit mine. A part of me wished that I never came back, but a huge part of me was happy that we did. I knew I couldn’t stay away or hide anymore, especially since Emma’s growing up, wanting to know where she’s from and who her family is. More importantly, she was starting to ask about her father. So, I decided to put my issues to the side and make things right with Michael for our daughter.

I need to close the door on my past in order for me to move on, and I am definitely ready to get my life back in line. And if that means letting Eli go in order for me to live a healthy life then it’s what I’ll do. The thought of not having a life with him breaks me in ways that I can’t describe, but I need to know that I can stand on my own two feet without being needy or weak. I want to be someone that others can depend on without worrying about my feelings getting hurt. What I really want is for everyone to know that I’m not this sensitive little girl that they think I am. Yes, I don’t say much because I choose not to waste my breath on things that bring nothing to my life. And okay yes, I cry, alot. But I’m allowed to so please give me a break. Secrets? I keep them because I would rather keep the ugly truth of the past to myself so my family don’t have the rumors and shit to deal with. And it’s my secret to deal with. I would rather burn my bridges and forget it ever existed.

“Hey Sina. Did you send those invitations out?” Mama asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yes, Mama I did, including Eli’s invitation” I say side-eyeing her.

She looks at me with a smile and says “Thank you. I don’t know the whole story about you and that Hunter boy, but I’ll wait for you to tell me when you’re ready.”

“Mama, there’s nothing to tell. Things happened and we just weren’t meant to be anything” I say on an exhale.

“Not even friends Sina?” she pushes.

I sit on the couch and think about it. “I think I can be his friend, that’s if he’ll let me be one” I say with a laugh.

“Good for you sweet girl. Plus, I think your brothers have a little soft spot for that boy.”

I looked at her and asked “Why do you say that?”

She rolls her eyes and says “Because, they told me he was at The Hut and he had birthday presents for you.” I’d forgotten about those gifts and it makes me sad that I didn’t think to grab them when I left the lake. “Luka tells me that he’s a good boy, just a little lost.”

I smile at her. “He is Mama. But he’s for someone else, not for me.” My heart gets a little heavy, but the crazy part is that I recognize it and I’m okay with it. Mama walks to her shelf where she puts pretty much everything that was hers from our dad. From cards and love letters from when they were teenagers in love to pictures of them of them throughout their time together. It’s my second favorite shelf after my beautiful bookshelf of course. She grabs an envelope and walks back over to the couch.

Giving me a sad smile she hands it to me. “Your dad gave this to me the week he passed. I was supposed to give this to you on your graduation day, but everything happened and you left. So I held on to it for when you came back home,” she says with tears in her eyes. I feel my heart crack a little and my eyes started to sting. Mama grabs my hand and says “You’re so much like him Sina. Everything about you is your dad. You have your dad's heart of gold, that’s why it’s a little