Plays 1: Weird Time Blues by Colin Peterson, George O'Sullivan (smart books to read .TXT) 📕

ground trying to support himself. No-one helps him; all look on staring at him.

Malden: He sold you bad stuff?

Toddy: No!

Kascano: He sold Mills something, while Mills tried to get him off for diddling his cock hire at Bob’s penis bank. The fucker gave Mills, as a bribe, some drug. Fuckin’ poison!

Toddy: No, I thought that was the name of the drug, I thought it was not, you know, but-

Kascano kicks Toddy, who shuts up, almost passing out.

Kascano: Mills was me; we’ve been together forever…I mean, at school, through the core, then we’d fuck each other if we’d got bored; and then we’d fuck other people together. It was fun; we’d always be happy, always.

Malden: I’m sorry to hear about it.

Toddy: (dazed, wipes blood from his nose and mouth.) look, people, it was wrong, but he was a cop taking-

Colley: Man, just shut up.

Toddy: No, no, I won’t because I thought I’d got away and I’m sorry - I didn’t mean to…you know what.. to him. and I was thinking of fucking him but my arse has a rash, so I thought oh no, maybe another time. But Bob and me…we go back…even when Moth was here and … Can do things.. make things up and I promised to get him a permit and you, yeah, I was gonna get you one done , really soon, Toby.

Kascano: Fuck you.

Toddy: At least it keeps the fuckin’ population down, and we can, start again. I’ll give my sperm free of charge, you can have a baby- I’ll buy it, yeah?

Pause.

Kascano: Anyone wanna go?

Toddy: B-b-but, I-I-, you’re a fuckin’ - no, no! That sort of corruption doesn’t happen anymore, we should get fuckin’ robocops then! I mean, you can’t do…no...please!

Malden: Can I shut this scum up?

Kascano: That’s fine.

Malden kicks Toddy, then continues to boot him. The other office workers look amazed and all smiles, looking more jovial. They bundle on top of Toddy. Colley wipes his brow and looks on, laughing.

PHASEY: Explaining The Unexplained:[This issue is at a special introductory price!]

Spacecraft messy apartment.
Spacecraft turns to this messy apartment: Guinow has given birth. She holds a baby. Valance kisses her, but works on a pod with a plastic fork, wiping sweat from his brow. The pod stands upright in the middle of the apartment. The pod has not moved since the start. Guinow kisses the baby, feeding it powder.

Valance: I wouldn’t coochie-coo that thing too much!

Guinow: (doesn’t notice all the blood.) But it’s our first thing we’ve successfully developed in space. And don’t call our Tina a thing! Our little Tinnie! Tinnie, you’re so cute.

Valance: Okay, sorry, my dear. It was a feeble joke. But no, it really is a thing: it’s a piece of rehydratd space mould. A prototype to fool the insurers. (Guinow knocks the mould baby's head off by mistake. She tries to fix it but it‘s busted.) The real baby - our Tinnie - is in here. She’ll be the first Hagen to experience krytopgenic cryogenic freezing and the bliss of eternal thought incubation - as long as she is preserved in here.

Guinow: Don’t preserve her just yet; she has just been born.

Valance: There is no later - you know how expensive these animals are. Children are rarities these days and I have a few sperm left in me; I might as well use them.

Guinow: (bleeding, soaked in blood) Actually you only have two more. The other two had disorders. We destroyed them, as we could not repair them.

Valance: (playing with peeling flesh, rolling it into doughy balls, eating it.) Look, this experiment will help Tina, our child, live in a better world. A better future. Look, I hate the schmaltzy family shit, that corny line which curls my toes as we know is not true, but hopefully they’ll laugh at why we have had to leave earth We have gave her this subway to Venus; any world she wants. We are futurists Guinow. We have to practice what we preach. If we were capitalists we would still be breathing in the air.

Guinow: I love you…who are you again?.

Valance: I love you too, Guinow.

Guinow: I know it’s for the best...for their fu...

They are both dying as we hear the spacecraft burn through the atmosphere, the sound of the burning gets louder.

Scene 3.2
Psi-Park.
Afternoon. A small spot of artificial grass in a park called Museum park.
Malden stands with Colley and few other office workers; Malden is about to plant a tree, which is still a sapling. The sapling , however, looks plastic. Colley passes a smoke between the other workers ,each one taking a pull and passing it on. Malden gets it and takes an extra pull, before extinguishing it in the freshly dug potting. It smokes still. All look lethargic. Colley hands Malden a child’s beach spade, as Malden kneels to dig some more. Before Malden digs further, Temple enters.

Malden: Sir!.

Temple: I see no Press scum turned up?

Colley: We’re still waiting - they’re only half an hour late.

Temple: The press are never late. Did you realise that Toby Kascano has been arrested. I’m not going to repeat how Mr Hudenberg looks.

Malden: Well, police brutality never ceases to-

Temple: Cut the bull, he’s implicating you. What sort of dream you people living? The whole department just flipping like that! Well, my security are watching this meeting; there are armed guards, part of G.A security company. We’re not going to make a scene, but you lot are all under arrest. The skivers are already being chased down.

Malden: But-

Temple: I’m sorry, Malden, I liked the strategy, I think we could still run with the way things are, but you lot are gonna be doing this duty from a penal colony.

Colley: Look, I think-

Temple: You’re saved kid, someone called Moth’s paying your legal fees - they’ve found genetic evidence that you didn’t touch Toddy.

Malden: No, he didn’t. (Colley look stunned, protesting.) He didn’t do nothing.

Temple: Colley, you’re lucky. You’re free. It’s a shame, as I have to inform you that I’m gonna hafta take your resignation, as the department will be getting economically evaluated. You can go. I’m not letting my son go down for-

Malden: Your son?

Temple: Yes, Temple is just my professional codename; we're all nepotists, Malden, my son is Toddy Hudenberg. My real name is-

Malden: Don’t. This is getting worse. (Beat.) How’s Kascano?

Temple: On suicide watch; the other cops are just going over him now with a good one.

Colley: What about Mills?

Temple: What about Mills? He was a corrupt cop?

Colley: But -

Temple: But what? He was a nice guy? So what? He’s a fuck-head who was using the enforcement industry to get ahead of himself. I have my uses for him now.

Malden: Can we all have a moment alone please, sir?

Temple: My private cops are all around so don’t try any funny stuff; I’ll be in my cab. Sweet dreams. (Shakes Colley’s hand.) Well done, you lucky boy!

Temple exits, lighting a smoke. Pause.

Malden: Well, you’re lucky. You deserve it. You take care.

Colley: I’ll still be here on earth, it’s home: I'll wait -

Malden: I don’t know if I’ll see you again.

Colley: I hope to see you all again.

They all group hug. Malden is in tears, in a rage snaps the plastic sapling, then smashing it with the crappy kids spade. This causes the kids spade to break, shattering, sending shards of plastic in all directions. We hear temple laughing from off stage. Colley hugs Malden.

Colley: Don’t worry people, we all know that dick needed a beating; just to keep morale up. You keep together and I’ll send you tapes; I really will. I’ll try and visit - who knows I may fin the money! You take it easy people.

Police officers enter, leading Colley away, slowly prizing him out Malden’s grip. We hear the workers scream, amidst panic.

Colley: Man, those people have families! They’re depended on! I mean, seriously! YOU CAN’T DO THIS WE NEED THOSE PEOPLE! NO, YOU REALLY-

Colley is dragged away.

Scene 56

Colley’s homage-yuppie-cupboard-flat.
Night. It has nothing in it, only a large TV, the size of wall dominates the apartment. Colley enters , looking drained. He throws his jacket on the floor, and presses a bottle hoping for fluid. He takes a series of pills, then slumps on the floor.

Colley: Computer - Marge?

Marge: (V.O) Hello, Colley. I am Marge.

Colley: Turn the TV on.

Marge: You have a new message- it is marked urgent and you must see this commtape.

Colley: Onscreen.

Marge: That command does not compute. Please enter correct word.

Colley: For fuck’s sake play!

Marge: Play activated.

The TV comes on and we see Moth and Tabby , joking around together with a micro-endo-cam, getting it working. Tabby then vanishes out of view, taking it from Moth’s grip. We see the wobbly effect, as it closes up on Moth. We see a huge image of Moth on the screen.

Moth: (on screen.) Hi there Colley, mate. (Beat.) Er, yeah, well, I’m here - that’s the moon. It’s crap you were right. But as you can guess, it’s being made a lot better for me by your wife. I mean, I never thought I’d fall for the gold-digger thing but I have. But not completely. I love you too. I leave with you half my wealth. I know you are a good man, and you’ll use it wise and you’ll help people. I know you will. And I know you hate me (Colley cries, drinking rapidly, and wiping tears.) but I do love you and I never meant to betray you - I’m a fool, a cop out. I had no ideas and I pretended to have them all. You can change that. You were lucky to get out of that Toddy situation. I couldn’t do anything for Malden and the others; their prints were all over him. But I got a good freelance team to help you and they found that you’d done nothing. Toddy confessed that you didn’t hurt him. He said he’d heard you crying. You were let off. I would have never lived with myself if I didn’t help you, I mean, I could have been in the same situation. But I would’ve whacked Toddy one. Right in the face. (Colley laughs.) I just want to let you know we’ll always be friends. I’ll send you another tape from colony twenty-three on Mars. I also hope that me taking off with your wife, won’t piss you off. I’m sorry for this betrayal, but we are friends and I suppose this is the greatest test of that friendship. Enough from me, boring you - go out and get hammered - and buy yourself a Juicebuster sixty-seven. Take care, love Moth.

Tabby: (off screen.) THAT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUSHY, I WAS GONNA PUKE!

Moth smiles.

Moth:(on screen.) You wanna say something?

Tabby:(off screen; loudly.) Yeah, get a