Pieces of Me by Pua Ramona (small books to read txt) 📕

toward the rocks that are a popular place to sit, I see Sina sitting on a blanket clutching her hands to her chest sobbing. I feel my heart beat a little faster and I stand here unmoving, not knowing what to do. I am so fucking happy to see her because I miss her, but I feel shit because I’m being an intruder in a private moment. I’m hoping she isn't crying over me, I don't want to hurt her heart anymore than I already have.

“Daddy, I miss you so much. I just wish you were here to make my heart feel better” she cries loud enough for me to hear.

I feel a sharp pain in my chest and all I want to do right now is hold her and tell her how fucking sorry I am. I know I should have walked away when I saw her sitting there, but I couldn’t do it. If being her friend is all I get from her then I’m willing to be just that. It kills me to think of her being with another man, but she deserves someone that will make her whole and I’m not that. How the hell am I supposed to give her everything she needs if I’m not a whole person myself? That would be unfair for her and I’m willing to accept the heartbreak if it means she finds love with another man. I feel a tear drop on my cheek and I know in my heart that I could have had a beautiful life with her. I take a deep breath and start making my way toward her.

I know she hears my footsteps because she wipes her face off with the blanket then moves the loose pieces of her hair behind her ear. Another pain strikes my chest and I’m ready to fall down to my knees and beg her to love me. She turns to see who’s approaching her and I hear her breath catch.

“Eli? Is that you?” she asks.

I feel my throat close up a little, so I clear it before I force out, “It’s me, your favorite person in the world”, sarcastically and I hear the sweetest sound ever. She fucking laughs this honest laugh that you can feel in the air and its like a balm to the fire in my heart.

She looks at me with eyes puffy from crying a smile meant just for me “You’re funny” she says.

I walk closer to where she’s sitting and ask “What are you doing here so late, and by yourself?” She closes her eyes then opens them with so much sadness playing out over her features.

“I needed to be with Dad. Mama gave me this letter so I figured I would take a drive here and read it” she says quietly. I don’t know what to say so I just stay quiet and wait for her to keep talking. She moves over a little and says “Here sit, this rock was made for two people.” I smile and sit next to her. She hands me a cup and says with a laugh, “Try this, it’s the best hot chocolate ever.”

“What the fuck is this?” I ask her with a sour taste in my mouth.

She covers her mouth with her hand and starts laughing. “It is the worst cup of hot chocolate I’ve ever had in my life. I figured we could both suffer through it together” she says, still laughing. I can’t help but agree with her on that one, it is the shittiest cup of hot chocolate I have ever tasted.

“Where the hell did you get it? The fucking trash?” I ask, and she laughs harder. I can’t take my eyes off of her, it’s like being here with her makes sense. She’s the most gorgeous woman ever, and it feels like I’m seeing her for the first time all over again. She doesn’t notice me watching her because she’s busy trying to wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“I needed that, thank you Eli” she says with a smile. It hits me so hard in the chest that it leaves me breathless. She is the one for me without a doubt.

I give her a sad smile and say, “You deserve all the laughs in the world Sina.”

She looks at me again and reaches for my hand. “So do you Eli,” she says quietly with tears in her eyes. I’m not ready to let go of her hand so I hold it over my breaking heart. She moves closer and lays her head on my shoulder and I feel her shoulders shake with tears. I rest my head on hers and hold on to her hand like it’s my only lifeline. I hate myself for being one of the reasons she’s hurting, and I hate that I can’t hold her the way that I want to. So I sit here and wait for her to say something. It’s like we know that this is our last time being alone together before she leaves again, so we need to make every fucking second count. I feel another part of my heart fall in love with her, feeling her pain like it was my own and I love her without words but with every fucking beat of my heart. I’m having a hard fucking time trying to hold my shit together, but it’s pointless because she moves her head off my shoulder, facing me and seeing the pain splay out across my ace. I hate seeing her cry, but I know I’m going to miss her eyes and everything that makes her real, so I don’t look away. She grabs both of my hands, and holds them to her heart and I swear to God I fucking die inside.

She looks at me and whispers, “Will you pray with me Eli?”

I feel like my heart stops beating. I can’t believe after everything I said and did to her she still chooses to see