Johnny & I : The Island by Daria Paus (hardest books to read txt) 📕

bar at gate seven. The girl who’d stumbled into my life and changed my whole world, saved me from myself, and breathed new life into my frozen heart. How could I leave her now? How would I even be able to breathe without her? She was the only reason that I was still alive and struggling with this mess. The only hope I had to cling to.

“Bree,” I whispered her name. “I’m not going back.” The moment I said it I knew how stupid it sounded. Childish even, but I just couldn’t bring myself to face it all—again. “Let me stay, I—"

“Johnny,” she sighed. “I don't want you to go, but you have to.”

“I can’t.”

“Let me come with you then.”

I shook my head. No matter how badly I wanted her by my side, I couldn’t put her through the torture that was my reality. The press would crush her. No one knew about her, and I wanted to keep it that way. I wanted to protect her from the harsh reality, and the ugly side of fame.

“They will fucking arrest me when I step off the plane.” I hung my head, trying to keep my anxiety at bay.

She stared at me with big eyes. “You don’t know that.”

I shook my head. I didn't. But I wouldn’t be surprised after the stunt I’d just pulled. Don’t leave the state. Yeah. I never seemed to do anything right. I was sure I’d just created an even bigger problem for myself—again. One more impulse acted upon; one more fucked up attempt to escape my life.

“I have nothing to go back to,” I said. My mansion in LA was just that—a house. Big, cold, and empty. One night in Bree’s home with her family had made me feel more relaxed than I’d ever felt in my own house.

“What about the movie?” she asked. “You have that.”

“Wow,” I muttered. “The news hasn’t reached Kentucky yet?”

“Which news?”

I looked around, finding a gossip magazine opened to the middle spread. I leaned over and slid it across the counter towards her. “Check it.” I was sure it would be there. Sure, this wasn’t Hollywood, but it didn't matter.

“Just tell me,” her voice rose. “What happened?” She flipped through the pages, shooting me looks in between browsing the magazine.

And then she found it. I clenched a fist in my lap and kept my eyes locked on it. I didn't want to see the sympathy in her eyes.

"Shit," she whispered. Her hand landed on my arm. “Because of . . .”

I gave her a stiff nod. “As I said, nothing to go back to.” Not even the movie, the only thing I’d had to focus on. I emptied the glass and signaled for the bartender to refill it. He gave me a knowing look and a grin as he handed me the liquor. There was no doubt he recognized me, and I was more than thankful for his discretion.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Johnny, I wish I—"

I cut her off, knowing I’d break the moment she tried to console me. “I’m fine,” I said with my best attempt at not showing how I really felt about it. She didn't buy it, of course. She never did. Bree had this uncanny way of seeing right through me.

Instead of pushing me, she took my hand and squeezed it.

She closed the magazine, and as I was about to shove it away, my eyes landed on the cover—my name in big red letters beneath my face. But what made my breath stop and my stomach lurch was what was written underneath.

Breaks California court order—on a plane to Kentucky. My vision blurred, the glass slid from my hand and crash-landed on the floor. Her hands were on me, but all I could focus on was the pressure over my chest and the coldness that spread through my body.

“Johnny!”

“It’s true,” I managed to choke out. “I didn't know.”

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her body. I was sure people were staring, but I didn’t care. I was too busy trying not to pass out. And somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered what Marc was thinking, how angry he was at me this time.

Bree’s hand ran through my hair, just like she’d done so many times before, and I started to relax beneath her touch. You got this, I told myself. You can do it. And with her warm body pressed against mine, and her soft voice whispering soothing words into my neck, I started to feel like maybe I could. With her by my side I could face anything. She pulled away, looking up at my face with her big green eyes filled with tears. I struggled to keep the panic off my face. With her, I could. But I wouldn’t be with her. I’d have to leave her here.

“I can’t go back.”

She gave me a sad smile.

“I can’t do it, I don't even know how to survive the fucking flight, let alone what waits for me back in LA.” The words left my mouth before I could stop them, and I cringed. It was too much, too private, too raw. I didn't know what was wrong with me. All my life I’d shut my emotions down, pretended to be fine and put on fake smiles to hide the pain. But with Bree, I couldn’t do it. Hell, I tried, but she saw straight through me. She’d broken me, and I’d let her.

I’d never been more vulnerable in front of a woman; never given anything of myself. But I’d given her my soul. The risk I’d taken with her terrified and excited me. Sharing with her what had been buried for over twenty years felt good. I not only put my heart on the line with her, but also my life. If she’d break my trust, it’d be more than I’d be able to live with. I trusted her, I didn’t know why, and I feared she’d be the