Johnny & I : The Island by Daria Paus (hardest books to read txt) 📕

end of me. But I couldn’t keep myself from her, from giving her everything I’d never dared to give before—the raw truth and myself.

In my peripheral view I saw the bartender slide a new glass toward me.

Bree traced the anchor on my arm. “You can do it, you’re stronger than you think.”

I shook my head. “I’ve tried to be strong, Bree, but I fuck everything up no matter what I do.”

“Don’t say that.” She brushed hair out of my face, leaning in to kiss my lips. “Just think of the good things.”

“There’s nothing good in—" I cut myself off. What the fuck was I doing? I was worse than a teenage girl—whining and complaining. It was embarrassing.

I had to finish the sentence, whining or not, I hated the thought of her jumping to the wrong conclusion.

“Not without you.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I’m with you. I trust you. You’ll get through this.”

Trust. A bittersweet smile tugged at my lips as the memory came to mind. One more embarrassing breakdown that involved admitting to Bree my deepest fear. I don’t trust myself. I’ll lose it, like him. I remembered the words as if it had been yesterday. As soon as I’d said them, she promised me that I was nothing like the man I despised. And I started to feel it, believe it. The fear loosened its grip. I had my setbacks, but for the first time in my life I felt like I could start to heal from the wounds my father had etched into my soul.

She’d stayed through it all, refused to be pushed aside no matter how much shit I'd thrown her way. She’d slipped through my defense like no other, infiltrating every fiber of my being. If she believed in me, then maybe I could, too. Even if I couldn’t care much about my own fucked up life, hers meant the world to me. And I’d rather die than let her down.

I found myself nodding and she suddenly blurted, “Did you take the pills?”

“Wh—Fuck!” I’d forgotten the sleeping pills. I threw a quick look at the clock on the wall and a chill ran down my spine. Only a half hour left before I’d have to board the plane and it would take at least one hour for the effect to set in.

My eyes darted to her, and widened. “How did you remember?”

She smiled despite the horrified look she must’ve seen on my face.

“How could I not?”

I fumbled with my wallet, spilling the little pills on the counter. She stopped one of them from rolling to the floor, and I flashed her a quick smile. Then I gulped them down with the full glass of whiskey and she cringed as she watched me.

“I’m going to die.” I tried to sound as flippant as I could, but she saw straight through the poor excuse of a joke.

“Johnny,” she whispered my name. “Why don’t you let me go with you? I wish—"

“No.” No way. I couldn’t be that selfish.

“When things calm down, you’re more than welcome, but now—" I shook my head, unable to finish the sentence.

She seemed to think, then she blurted, “At least get me a round-trip ticket for the flight. You don’t have to do it alone.”

My throat tightened and tears filled my eyes. I looked away, trying to pull myself together.

“I got here alone, I can go back alone.”

“That was different.”

Fuck. She was smart. She knew exactly what I was thinking. Coming to her, I’d been in a much better mental state than what I was in now. Plus, I’d remembered the fucking pills to get me through most of the flight blacked out on some random person's shoulder.

A robotic voice called out. Passengers of flight 1245 to Los Angeles, please go to gate seven. 

“I’m not going.” The words had lost their power, and she didn't take them any more seriously than I did.

I stood up, staggered, but regained my balance.

“They won’t let you board if you’re drunk,” she said.

“That’s the point.” It was my secret hope every time I had to fly, but so far, my wish had never been granted. I was sure I wouldn’t have that kind of luck this time, either.

She groaned, taking my hand in hers and led me toward the gate. We stopped, allowing the queue of people to go ahead.

“How are you doin’?”

I shook my head, knowing she’d understand.

“You?”

“I don’t want you to go.”

The tremble in her voice and the tears in her eyes broke my heart. No matter how many times I’d sworn I wouldn't go, I had to. If I stayed here, the cops would come and drag my ass back to LA. I simply had no choice.

“I know, Love.”

She was about to speak when a group of girls flocked around us.

“Johnny!” A young blonde approached us. “It’s you!” 

“What are you doing here?” Another girl asked.

“You skipped town? Hiding out in Kentucky”? 

“You can stay with me.” 

I groaned, throwing an awkward look at Bree. She seemed shocked, staying behind me.

“Can I take a selfie with you?” 

“Sure.”

More people gathered to see what the commotion was about, and I knew that if I didn't get out of there fast, I’d miss the plane.

They all talked at once, and I could only hear fractions, but I tried as best as I could to please everyone. Plastering a fake smile onto my face, I fished out a well-used ballpoint pen from my pocket and faced the girls.

“Can you sign my boarding pass?”

More selfies.

More autographs.

“Is it true, did you do it?”

“We love you!”

“I believe you!”

“Why are you here?”

“Who is the girl; is she your girlfriend?”

“What about Nancy?”

“What about the movie? Are you really fired?” 

More autographs.

More selfies.

“Will you marry me?”

Fuck. Where was Marc when I needed him? Going without him hadn’t been the smartest thing I’d done. I needed to get the crowd out of my face, but they were like flies to a piece of shit. Buzzing, circling, going crazy.

“Guys,” I tried. “Excuse me.” I gestured toward the empty