feelings for her by Vishal Singh (books to get back into reading .txt) 📕

Drishti,” Next time I’ll practice more & snatch that
cup from DTU….”

Jay,” Golden words….. So, I want to tell you
something…… Can you guess?”

Drishti,” Ya, Of course, You are going to wish me
Happy Birthday in advance as usual…….” ”

‪#‎very_painful_for_jay‬

In oder to propose her, I forgot that the next day
(ie-17,Nov) was her birthday, Every year I used to
celebrate it with her. But this time, I Octide to
make it special, I just replied….

Jay,” Ya, I just want to wish you Happy Birthday
in advance…..”

After reaching college, I just went to a jwellery
shop & purchased a golden chain for her, with 2
words marked on it ‘C+D’ ‘C’ for me & ‘D’ for her, I
also practiced a song for her, I wanted to make that
night remarkable & it became too…….

That night, I was very excited, I took Ankit’s laptop
as mine was on charging & went to terrace, I was
preparing a birthday greeting for her using
Photoshop, she was also there using her laptop, I
Octided to wish her at 12:00 a.m. by attaching that
card to her chat box. After completing that card, I
opened facebook, there was she, online. But it was
Ankit’s id as he didn’t log it out, suddenly a
message came…..

Drishti,” Hi Ankit :-)”

Ankit( I was typing),” Happy Birthday…. smile emoticon :-)”

Drishti,” I want to tell you something…… It’s
something different that I’m feeling about
someone……”

I was very excited that she too loves me, she is
going to tell my room mate that she loves me……

Ankit( I typed),” Ya, I think I know……”

Drishti,” What ? You know…. So tell……. It will be
my best birthday then……”

Ankit( I typed),” You love him, You love Jay….
Haan…. I know he also loves you…..”

Drishti,” What me & Jay, Are u mad? We are
just good friends, He also knows it……. I didn’t feel
anything special for him, I just enjoy his company
but he is not someone whom I love, You idiot, I love
you, I love you ANKIT…….. Do you love me???”

Oh! No! She loves him not me, Oh No….. She loves
him………

Jay’s is crying, He is crying like a 2 year baby,
full of tears all around but without any sound, tears
tears tears……. He is coming near to the mirror &
crying louder, louder seeing his face in mirror, he is
walking very slowly, very slowly like he is hitten by 6
bullets, he manages to reach to the window, He
opens the windows, He sits there for 5 minutes just
seeing the vehicles outside but still crying a lot, he
takes his guitar & sings one of his favorite song of
lucky Ali ( You must try…)……

“Teri yaad jab aati hai
Meri aankh bhar jaati hai
Hum to bichhde u mil mil ke
Khwab tooten hain is dil ke

Yehi gum mujhe sataayega
Phir tu laut ke na aayega
Phir bhi tere aane ka intezar karta hoon
Pyar sirf tumse , pyar sirf tumse yaar karta hoon”

He shuts down all windows, he walks back to the
mirror, still with continous flood of tears, he is
looking his face, now he is slapping himself, he is
crying a lot, he is hugging himself, he is kissing
himself like he is loving himself….. He utters….

Yaadi,” Bhai apney aap ko Sambhaal, Mai bhi nhi
chahta tha ki tuu is page ko padhey, ye page kabhi
hamari journey me aaye, par is page tak kabhi na
kabhi to pahunchana hi tha, tu sambhaal apney aap
ko, Vo kabhi teri thi hi nhi to tuu usey dil se kyon
nhi nikaal paa rha hai……”

Jay,” I can’t, I LOVE her, I LOVE to die, loving
her…….. Uspe ye jaan mai nissaar karta hun, pyaar
sirf us se, pyaar sirf us se pyaar karta hun, Sun le
sda…… Sun le sda…… Sun le sda………… ( He sings
two more lines of the above song….) ”

Yaadi,” Yaar agar tuu usey pyaar karta hai, to fir
tujhey khush hona chahiye ki vo aaj khush hai…..
Chal ab aansun pahunch le…….
”
Jay,” Usney mujhey kabhi pyaar nhi kiya,
Yaadi? Haan, nhi kiya, Haan vo nhi karti thi, Haan
vo shayad uski sympathy thi ek ameer ladke k liye jo
apni life se dukhi tha jisey mai pyaar samajh rha
tha….. Par useiy mera pyaar nhi dikha, mereiy is dil
ki dua us tak nhi pahunchi, meri palko ki aawaaz
usneiy nhi suni, Tu jaanta hai na Yaadi ki mai usiey
kitna chahta hun, aakhiri saans bhi uskey naam ki
jee rha hun……”

Yaadi,” Jab tuu jaanta hai ki vo sympathy thi, fir
tujhey usseiy Love expect nhi karna chahiye tha,
Yaar, LOVE is always there for sacrifices, If you have
loved someone then you should be ready for
sacrifices that will come along with the sweet
feeling arised from it’s existence. If you can’t
sacrifice the thing you Love most then you don’t
know what LOVE is all about, It seems you just need
that person or that thing but not LOVE………”
Jay,” I know my fault. Since, my birth I was
wondering there for just one word, LOVE…. But
then everything changed, I got what I desired &
then it disappeared, it was only there just to make
me aware of what love is, But Love was never mine,
Yaadi, why did it happen to me? My only fault was
that I loved her, It hurts me a lot, Bhai…... ( He sings
2 more lines……)

Ye dil tujhe na bhulaayega
Kya tu phir se laut aayega…………………”

Yaadi,” Bhai, Sambhaal apney aap ko….. You are in
misconception with word LOVE, O.K. Let me define
it…… Love is something that you always live with,
even when you hate someone there is Love, when it
rains there is love, when nature smiles there is love,
when you are the source of someone’s happiness
there is love, when you help someone there is Love.
To know Love, first you should feel it. It is divine,
above all, above this win or lose, above this day or
night, above this life or death even it is above all of
what we think. It is very simple for those who live
for others finding themselves happy & it is equally
complex for those like you who restrict Love to
someone, who need their presence to them but not
their happiness. I know it is bitter truth but it is
ultimate truth too……. Jay Just think the last
year you are living with, there you have found all
LOVE what you need, Now you should feel very
relaxed, You have got all Love even more than
anyone can, in this year…..Just wash your face &
come again to complete your story, time is running
fast…………… ”

The way Jay has consoled himself with the help
of that mirror or Yaadi, is very helpful to him, He is
finding himself in better position, He refreshes
himself & comes again & continues the story………

Jay,” So, Yaadi where were we?”

Yaadi,” Ya, She had proposed Ankit….”

Jay,” Ya, I deleted that conversation just to
make it a secret, but she was typing again & again
as : Drishti-“ I love you Ankit, Everything about you
makes me Crazy, Even the way you dance, way you
play or just the way you smile….. Just reply in Yes or
No….. Do you love me…….” & this time I didn’t
gather so much courage to delete it again, I went
back to the room & told Ankit that bymistake I was
logged in using his id & Drishti proposed him, I
handed over him the laptop & left him with that
sweet proposal. Then I left my room & started
running as fast as I could, I ran, ran a lot, I took
several revolutions around OAT, circling it every
time, fast & fast, even I didn’t want to stop though
my speed Octreasing continously & then I went
unconscious due to continous running, Thank god I
didn’t remain with that thought for very long that
night as I went unconscious after 1 hour of that
proposal. Next morning, I was treating my heart as
it was a dream but my brain knew that it was bitter
truth. But what made me completely puzzled was,
Deepak told me in very low voice that Ankit had
accepted her proposal as Deepak was the one who
knew my heart, my love. I don’t know, such boys
like ANKIT who dreams of some other girl &
Octides to Love some other. Even girls like DRISHTI
makes me confused as they Love those who had
never thinked of them & are never able to read the
love of those who are living for them. I Octided that
I’ll not think of them but I couldn’t. I was still
hoping that she would come back to me when she
would get to know about Jay’s Love. I tried to
face her but I couldn’t, I stopped receiving her
phone calls, even I didn’t want to face though it was
like impossible for me, Now I Octided to make
them happy together but Deepak told me that I
should also propose her once, So that I would live
my life without any burden of not proposing her. I
told him that Ankit was also ready to fall in Love
with her, but he argued that she would be much
more happier with me than that with Ankit. His
argument alived my love which I was going to kill. It
was the end of 5th semester, & time for vacations, I
couldn’t do anything, all I left with to drop them to
the station but unlike always this time I didn’t run
with train, I letted them go. At that station, I made
a pledge to myself that I’ll show her my real love
when next semester will start………..”

Yaadi,” Before coming to the 6th sem, first light
your 10th one……..”

Mayur Vihar, Delhi……….
13 Oct, 2014 ; 03:00a.m..

Jay lights his 10th cigarette & continues the
journey……….

Jay,” It was the first time when the winter
vacations for a month were looking to be about a
year. But unlike every time, this time there was my
mother in my room, placing the things. She was
looking in the mood to talk with me. This time she
had served the food to me by herself, but now I
didn’t need her care, when I was in 3rd year of
B.Tech. Where was she, when I needed someone to
share my emotions, my life. I took my guitar &
laptop & left for terrace. She spelled my name
Jay a lot, but I didn’t heed. After putting fire, I
placed myself at a chair & logged in to visit her
profile, after a long about 3 weeks since our
vacation. There were 100+ notifications, 7
messages & 11 friend request, I checked for her
message first but there was no message from her,
without caring about notifications I just clicked her
profile, she had uploaded an album last week titled
‘My World, My Love, My Life @ Nainital’ with only 2
faces there, one of Drishti & other of Ankit…… I was
completely shattered but what made my heart
pierced was that they were near to Delhi, but they
didn’t tell me about, I know they were making their
love but how can they forget about their friend who
lived his every moment with them. After stabbed by
that album & their respect towards friendship, I
couldn’t help me to remain logged in but suddenly
a message jumped up from chat box……………..”

Drishti,” Hi , howz u?? Are u angry on me? Ya,
you should be, I didn’t tell you about me & Ankit,
We are in relationship….. Can you believe it ??”

I didn’t want to reply her but this time, Ankit was
not online, It simply meant to me that she was there
for me. Moreover, her way of talking always makes
me fall in love with her, I couldn’t resist myself &
typed…….

Jay,” Oh! Congrats, Ya, Ankit is a nice guy, he
will make you live happily forever, He is talented
too, You both look awsm with each other, Ab to
kehna padega Rab Ne Bna Di Jodi….”

Drishti,” Oh, Thanks…. But he never makes me
laugh like you used to do, I miss you yaar… ”

Jay,” Friends like me can make you only laugh,
But he is someone special who made